| INUYASHA: A show for the terminally retarded. |
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| Adult Swim knows what they're doing. They air Family Guy and Futurama, and they are one of the extremely few channels on basic cable that dare to air that freaky Japanimation. Freaky, here, is a broad term encompassing one single show: INUYASHA. "Inu" is the Japanese word for "dog", and "Yasha" is the Japanese term for "Mulleted idiot mid-teen male who spends more time glaring around and yelling than doing anything constructive". The implication, according to inside sources, is that Inuyasha (the lovely creature pictured above) is a half-dog-demon, half-human creature who lives in Feudal-era Japan and has a tempestuous relationship with a girl, Kikyo, and what could be her modern reincarnation, Anna Nicole Smith. |
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| Here we see Anna in her scanty school-girl outfit and ungainly puffy hair. Most every person in this anime has either a scanty outfit or ungainly puffy hair. This is, sources say, a strongly historically accurate portrayal of Japan before Western influence. |
| In case you've never seen the show, I will give you a transcript of a usual episode. EPISODE 14: DARKNESS WITHIN DREAMS!!! Scene: Feudal Japan. Anna climbs out of a well, and we get a panty shot. Character with Hair: Look, there's Anna! And her panties, too! *All giggle* Inuyasha: Awwww, shaddup! *he glowers, snarls and pulls his shirt off for the benefit of the 16-year-old viewers* Girl: He pulled off his shirt! *A bug walks by* Man: oh my god, it's a demon bug! Kill it! *An overdramatic fight begins between Inuyasha and the bug. He pulls out his sword, which gets bigger when he grabs it, a not-so-subtle advertisement for feudal Viagra* Anna: His sword got bigger when he grabbed it! Oh Inuyasha, save me from the bug! *she shows her panties in terror* Young horny monk character: Oh my, panties. Bug: MUWAHAHAHAH! I'm not really a bug! I'm really a demon in disguise as a bug! *it becomes a bigger bug with horns* Girl: My god! It's got horns! And it's bigger! Inuyasha: (internal monologue) I don't know if I can kill it. I rely too much upon my blah blah of my father's blah angst blah blah I'm constipated.. (aloud) DIE, BUG! *he hits it* Anna: He hit it! Bug: MUWAHAHAH! I'm not really a demon bug! I'm really a priestess! *becomes a priestess with a fan* Inuyasha: Damn you, priestess! Bug: MUWAHAHAHAH! I'm not really a priestess! I'm really... Your SISTER!! *becomes Inuyasha's sister* Ancient wise crone: I knew it all along! It's his sister! Bug: MUWAHAH! I'm not really your sister! I'm really... JUST A BUG! *becomes a cricket* Inuyasha: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! *collapses* Monk: He's collapsed! (dramatic music) NEXT TIME on Inuyasha... the BUG'S REVENGE!!! |
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| Inuyasha follows the Teletubbies formula for infants, retards and comatose people: repetition in every media of every action. Every time something happens in the picture, it's titled and explained in the words. Even if someone isn't in view, they will MINUTELY explain every DETAIL of the action. They are hedging all bets that, just in case you haven't seen the last ten seconds of the episode, you'll understand what happened. I personally cannot watch any more than three minutes of any given episode on any given night. Even more interesting, the Inuyasha FANS are like rabid, slobbering, furious beasts of underworld fanaticism. Even IMPLYING that inuyasha is not the pinnacle of artistic and literary genius will get you shredded with coat hangers and left to rot under a truck somewhere. Adult Swim knows this. They don't care. Taking my cue from their bravery (and wishing I were as lofty, well-paid and far away), I hereby expose the show as scary! rediculous! repetitive! shallow-minded! annoying! stupid! and all around crap! |
| Yeah, you know it. |
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