| Hobbit-Weed or The Oft-Overlooked yet Surreptitiously Giggled-At Quirk of The Shire |
| There is no humanly possible way you could have missed seeing, hearing, smelling, vomiting/orgasming over, spitting upon, watching, dancing for, screaming about, or laughing at The Lord of the Rings lately--it's everywhere. I don't need to list the myriad of forms it's taken, but I'll try: Lunchboxes, books, photobooks, re-releases of the original novels, Fanfics, Fanart, dolls, children's editions, t-shirts, DVD's, Super DVD's, Collector's Super Splendiforous Pushmi-Pullyu Special Sparkle DVD's... the list goes on. So we'll assume you saw SOMETHING of it, and if it's the part around the beginning, I know you giggled at this: |
| "Hobbit-weed" |
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| It's a very simple yet shocking concept. It catches you off guard if you aren't previously prepared. In case you are unsure, on the left is a picture of hobbits. On the right is a picture of weed. |
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| The obvious result of the combination of these two elements may be expressed by the following equation: 1H w/Pipe (@) Shire (Conditional: social Setting +20/H) + H-Weed = Joyful + Mellow Hobbit |
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| In several of J.R.R. Tolkein's novels, he passingly explains that hobbit-weed is cultivated for their pipes, such as tobacco is in this world, and various grades and qualities are prized above others. This does not exactly explain WHY all these hobbits are toking up on something blatantly labeled weed, or why Gandalf, who is not a hobbit, fancies it as well. |
| FACTS: Hobbits grow hobbit-weed. Hobbits smoke hobbit-weed at parties, in their gardens, and at social gatherings. Hobbit-weed makes one mellow, calm and clear-headed. Gandalf has a thing for hobbit-weed. ASSUMPTIONS: Hobbit-weed sure as hell ain't tobacco. SITUATION: Middle-earth is about to fall under the crushing hand (eye?) of Sauron, a cranky evil god-type creature (who was once an elf, the Silmarillion informs us). Sauron's evil legions march hither and yon, and the good inherent in the system is crumbling to dust. PLAN OF ACTION: Imbibe the legions of evil with pounds and pounds (kilos?) of hobbit-weed, making them unmotivated to keep pillaging and exhausting themselves. Present Sauron himself with a lovely velvet bag of highest-quality hash and a lovely pipe made from the bones of his dire enemy, thus rendering him quiet, amiable, and oddly hungry. Drugged peace and bad art are brought to Middle-Earth, and all is well. |
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