�Greetings Nintendo characters,� says a voice. The lights now flicker on instantly. �It is I, IngRaider, the alter-ego of Spgamer. You seem confused as to why you are here. As you all may know, you have been selected to participate in Nintendo: The Mole, an exciting new reality feature on Yoshi Stadium�
�I didn�t sign up to be in no stupid reality feature!� exclaims Bowser angrily.
�The winner receives a million bucks.� says IngRaider in appeasement.
�In that case, I�m in.� states Bowser
�So anyway, as I was saying before I was interrupted (he gives Bowser an angry glance), this is Nintendo: The Mole, which you have all signed up for. I presume you all know the rules. If not, I�ll go over them: The ten of you are competing for a million dollar prize. As the game progresses, you will be required to perform tasks to contribute to the team. Meanwhile, one player, called the Mole, will be thwarting your every effort. The Mole should keep his identity secret and the other players should try to discover who the Mole is. At the end of the round, you will all vote on who you think the Mole is. If the Mole is unmasked, he or she will leave the game and a new Mole will be selected. If not, however, the Mole will claim a victim and that player will be forced to leave (Peach gasps). Those are the rules. Anyone have any questions before we begin?
�Where are we anyway?� asks Yoshi.
�You are on a plane that is headed straight for Isle Delfino.� answers IngRaider. �You will be arriving in a matter of minutes.�
Peach raises her hand.
�Yes?�
�Well, I was just wondering, how the heck did we get here in the first place?�
�Oh, I just took the liberty of gassing you all and taking you here myself. (everyone glares at him) What, I just thought it would be more mysterious that way.� Everyone forgets this detail and moves on.
�Is there a lot of GOLD (Wario�s eyes light up in awe at the word) on Isle Delfino?� asks Wario.
�Gee, I don�t know. We�ll just have to find out, now won�t we?�
�Now landing at Isle Delfino. Please prepare for departure.� says an automated voice on the plane.
�We�re here-a.� exclaims Mario.
�So it begins�� says IngRaider.
They all rush off the plane in excitement. The Hylians, Link, Zelda, Ganondorf, and Tingle, obviously not from around the area, begin to explore the island excitedly.
�Welcome to Isle Delfino� says IngRaider. �Your first challenge begins now. You are staying at the Sirena Beach Hotel. (IngRaider snaps his fingers and they appear there immediately.) Your job is to clean the beach of electric goop and find a way into the hotel. You will each be given a FLUDD to work with. You will not enter the hotel until you have found away in. You have an hour to clean the beach and enter the hotel successfully. The Mole was informed of his or her identity before we left the plane. Ready, set, go!�
He immediately presses a button on a stopwatch and the contest begins. The contestants huddle to think of a plan.
�Well, why don�t half of us look for a way into the hotel, and the other half start on cleaning the beach.� suggests Link.
�Yeah, great idea.� chimes in Yoshi.
�Why look-a for a way in when we can muscle-a our way in?� objects Wario. The burly Mario alter-ego steps up to the wall of the Hotel Delfino and punches it hard. The wall doesn�t even budge and Wario is sent flying backwards into a puddle of electric goop. He howls in pain.
�That�s-a got-a hurt-a.� says Mario.
�Ok. Me, Link, Tingle, Ganondorf, and Donkey Kong will try to find a way in.� says Zelda. �You five (pointing to Mario, Wario, Bowser, Yoshi, and Peach) can start cleaning up this mess.�
�Joy-a.� says Mario quite unenthusiastically.
As the group splits up, a shadowy, feathered figure watches them from behind.
�The fun�s about to start.� it snickers.
As for the cleanup crew, the group begins to spray the beach frantically with their FLUDDs. Mario soon realizes the water-carrying barrels can clean up even a larger range in a shorter time and they begin using them. Wario bends over to pick one up and farts.
�Oops-a.� he says in embarrassment. �Better out-a then in-a.� The group laughs.
�I don�t think one of those barrels will be enough to clean up Wario�s fart odors.� snickers Yoshi.
�Nice one dude,� says Ganon from the hotel entrance. �You�ve got enough gas to open an Exxon.� Everyone laughs, except Peach, who looks a little grossed out.
�And I�ve got enough to close one down. Permanently.� snickers Bowser, as he lets one loose. He laughs hysterically although no one else seemed to find it funny.
�Forty-five minutes left.� states IngRaider.
The group hurries to clean up the mess. Meanwhile, Zelda, after examining the wall, finds an engravement that may lead them somewhere.
�Purge the shore of gook.
And to the hotel is where you should look.
Eliminate from the coast the grime,
And so solve will you this rhyme.� reads Zelda.
�Hmm, wonder what that means?� ponders Tingle stupidly.
�It�s obvious what that means, you fool.� says Ganondorf. �If we clean the beach, and look at the message again, then the hotel entrance will reveal itself.�
�Okey, dokey, G-man.� says Tingle excitedly.
�Why am I stuck with such a freak?� ponders Ganon.
�Hmm, that�s good. At least we know what to do now.� says Zelda. �The other group is already cleaning the beach, so why not help them to ensure that we get into the hotel as fast as possible. Agreed?�
�Agreed!� responds the group in unison.
The ten of them now rush to clean up Sirena Beach. Nine of them pull out their FLUDDs and begin spraying the goop that has engulfed much of the resort. One of them walks slowly behind them and pulls out a walkie-talkie.
�Mole to Rawk Star. Come in Rawk Star.� says a deep and congested voice that belongs to the Mole.
�Yes?� answers the person on the other end of the conversation.
�Move in now. Those fools are beginning to clear the beach. As they do, you, cloaked under the effect of an invisibility potion, will use your goop sprayer to undo all their hard work.�
�Excellent. This will be such fun toying with the competitors of this pathetic show. And once we eliminate them, we will split the million-dollar prize 50:50.�
�70:30, bum, but I like the way you think. This plan will allow me to appear to be helping the group without arising any suspicion that I may be the Mole.�
�Great, those fools won�t know what hit �em.�
�Let�s-a go!� exclaims Mario as he whips out FLUDD and continues to clear the beach. The plumber performs a spin jump and sprays water in various directions, soaking the other players. They all turn and glance at him angrily.
�Haha. You wet your pants!� says Ganon to Wario. �What a loser!�
�So did-a you.� responds Wario.
Having cleared a large portion of the beach with his spin jump, Mario leads the group down to another badly gooped-up area of the beach. Meanwhile, our mystery saboteur approaches from behind, spraying goop all over the spots Mario just cleaned.
�Oh gosh, I thought we just cleaned over there.� gasps Peach, as she turns around to see the once-clean spot dirty again.
�Yeah, me too.� responds Yoshi
�Something�s afoot,� mutters Link.
�Oh quite literally, in fact!� says a voice apparently coming from nowhere. A second later, a gold rope ensnares Link�s foot and he trips on the sand.
�Where�d that come from?� asks Link. The mysterious presence fades away.
�Twenty minutes remain.� says IngRaider, who appears and disappears out of thin air in an instant.
�Hurry up, we haven�t got much time, and we have the Mole working against us.� says Ganondorf.
As they continue to walk down the beach, something mysteriously is replacing all the goop they are clearing out. Bowser trips over something, as if it was sticking out its leg to trip him. But there is nothing there. Tension builds among the group and they begin to fear what may have caused Bowser to trip.
�Hmm, what�s going on here?� says IngRaider from a distance as he is viewing these events. He instantly appears down at the site of the tripping and looks around.
�Oh, good to see you, man!� exclaims Yoshi. �We�re kinda freaked out here. This is the second time we have been attacked by nothing in particular. It�s getting really weird and annoying now.�
�Hmm, let me check the grounds.� IngRaider switches to the Dark Visor on his helmet and looks around for an invisible antagonist. Sure enough, he finds Rawk Hawk, former champion of the Glitz Pit standing right before him. He blasts him with a weak shot from his Power Beam, which is enough to deactivate the invisibility-granting effect of the potion and send him flying backwards.
�So Rawk Hawk is our mystery saboteur.� deducts Zelda. �But I wonder who put him up to it.�
�Quite an intriguing bit of fowl play there in the first episode.� says IngRaider, utilizing a pun since the yellow-feathered hawk looks more like a chicken. He laughs, but no one else does. �Now tell us, who do you work for, Mr. Rawk Hawk?�
�I�ll never tell.� he responds.
�Fiend begone.� says IngRaider. He snaps his fingers and Rawk Hawk disappears into a warp portal depositing him in Rogueport. Now he turns to the contestants. �Don�t forget, you guys still gotta get into that hotel� he says jokingly. The group does not laugh.
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The contenders are in a board room of the Hotel Delfino. They are sitting around a table, each with a Nintendo GameCube controller as a signaling device. They each have a platform in front of them, now blank.
�Welcome to the first team meeting. I trust you know what is going on now. You will all vote on who the Mole is. But first, some arguments to convince the voters: Yoshi, who do you think is the Mole?�
�I think Bowser is the Mole.� replies Yoshi. �He and Rawk Hawk are villains of the Mario series and would team up to do something like this.
�Would not!� rebukes Bowser angrily.
�Besides, he seemed the laziest today and I feel he was slacking to sabotage our efforts.�
�Very well. Bowser, who do you think is our Mole?� asks IngRaider.
�I think it�s Mario.� answers the Koopa King.
�For what reason?� asks IngRaider.
�None at all, other than he is a party-pooper who always interferes with others� plans, including MINE. Grr.�
�That�s interesting�.� responds IngRaider. �Mario, what do you say to his accusation?�
�IngRaider-a, I think-a the Mole is-a Donkey Kong.� answers the plumber.
�Why�s that?�
�Well, because he said-a nothing throughout the entire first day of the show-a, and he seemed very suspicious.�
�A point well made,� states Link. �DK did not, for once, make any of his stupid mistakes and I think he is just playing this game too silently and perfectly. There�s only one explanation-he�s the Mole.�
�DK, who do you think is the Mole?� inquires IngRaider.
�First off, I would like to say that I was silent today because I was suffering from laryngitis throughout the day and I was not feeling my best.� says DK. �As for who I think the Mole is, it�s definitely gotta be Wario. He�s just really sneaky and mysterious. That�s the opinion I�ve had of him for a while. I feel Wario cannot be trusted!�
�Wario?� asks IngRaider.
�I think-a the Mole is-a Yoshi because he is a poopy-head-a.�
�Very well, let�s begin the voting. (The players begin to write down their votes.) Place your votes in the bin in the center of the table. If the Mole receives five votes, he or she is out of the game. If not, the Mole gets to eliminate an innocent player. Time up, let�s see how you all voted. When I call your name, the person you voted for will appear on your platform:�
Mario: Donkey Kong
Wario: Bowser
Yoshi: Bowser
Peach: Donkey Kong
Bowser: Mario
Donkey Kong: Wario
Link: Donkey Kong
Zelda: Wario
Ganondorf: Link
Tingle: Bowser
�Well, unfortunately, none of you were able to unmask the Mole. No one player received five votes, so the Mole shall take one of you out of the game. Place your hands underneath the table. You all have a red button, but only the button belonging to the Mole will work. Mole, press the button, then press the button on your GameCube controller that corresponds to the character that you wish to eliminate.�
Without hesitation, the button is pressed and Link falls into the gaps below the voting room onto a pile of.........pillows?
�Rest in peace, Hero of Time� is whispered, probably by the Mole.
�Down to nine now, folks. Who will remain? Tune in next week to Nintendo: The Mole to find out.� says IngRaider.
On the next Nintendo: The Mole:
The contestants will travel to the mysterious Space Pirate Fortress on Planet Zebes. In a world where oxygen is scarce, fiendish pirates roam every corner, and the Mother Brain lurks, players will have to use every ounce of cunning and deception they possess in order to come out on top. Who is the Mole? What is he or she planning? Find out on the next episode of Nintendo: The Mole.