by Darcie
When I was in my teens, I found myself in the whirlwind of psychotherapy. It seemed every time I went, I brought home a new diagnosis and new meds. First I was manic depressive, then chronically depressed, and then seasonally depressed. I tried every anti-depressant on the market and nothing worked, but my family wanted to believe I was cured and every time I had an emotion, they would ask if I took my pills. Why did I have to be doped up for them to like me? I never felt any different. I was 14 and diagnosed with ADD. No one ever heard about it in those days, and I was put on Ritalin. It helped but I was going to show everyone I could be OK without meds. My family couldn't handle me and sent me into the foster care system and while you probably think that's horrible, it actually changed my life. My doctor put me back on Ritalin and it was like a miracle. My grades went from D's to straight A's (except in math which I still couldn't grasp), my social life improved and I was a happy, well adjusted individual.......until I turned 18 and my doctor told me kids grow out of ADD and I didn't have to take Ritalin anymore. He was a nice doctor and I trusted his advise and went off Ritalin cold turkey.
In my adulthood I was almost fired from every job I had due to lack of attention to detail. I felt like such a failure. My self esteem was low, and I had trouble in relationships, and could never quite follow through with something once I started it. I was dating a man who had a daughter with an obvious case of ADD but both parents denied there was a problem. They said she was just lazy and unmotivated. My heart went out to her but at the same time, I found ways to avoid her because truthfully, she drove me nuts with her constant movement and talking; she was like a human hurricane. It was around this time I realized I still had the symptoms and went to see a doctor about going back on medication. He was very curt with me as he told me it was his belief that ADD was a misconception and people only thought they had it due to all the publicity in the press. After that I gave up hope and prepared myself for the fact I would be this way forever.
I moved to a bigger city 5 years later and happened to see a doctor for something totally different and somehow my past with ADD came into the conversation. I told him about both doctors and he was horrified. He put me on Ritalin that day. I don't have insurance and therefore cant afford to see a doctor on a regular basis but am enrolled in a program that is run by residents and overseen by doctors. It is not the best situation but I'm receiving prescriptions and found self awareness does wonders.
I know I wouldn't be the same if I was not on medication and have arguments with people who say its over- diagnosed, and medication isn't necessary. My answer to them is always- if you found out you were a diabetic would you refuse to take insulin? The answer is always no and I reply- I have Add and I need to take Ritalin. The ones with the loudest protests are usually the least informed. I hope you could relate to my story.