| Ok I tried to write this page like nine times as a text page addressed to everyone about what Billie means to me, that didn't work because I couldn't form the right words so I decided to write a letter directly to Billie to express myself better. The first three times I tried that something happened where the page got closed and I couldn't save it, and once I just took a screen shot of it. So I am going to be tacky and lazy and put my screen shot on here, and you can read that. I am beyond tired and I have spent hours today on this page, though it may not appear that way. I stole the idea for a letter from Billie herself, and for that I do sort of apologize. Ok... no the screen shot looks beyond tacky, I guess I will be forced to retype it... |
| Billie, Wow... It's been quite the trip hasn't it? Five years... The main things I should say to you are not the things I will probably end up saying, but that is life huh? It was about a year ago that our friendship fell apart, or more accurately we tore it apart. I don't really want to address the past because we both screwed up, and we should both take the blame. The fact is our friendship is over, and no matter how hard we tried it has been over since a year ago. So that is not what this letter is going to be about. I want to say thank you, thank you for the memories. Thanks for being my first best friend, the only one I could tell everything too, the only one I have told everything too. No matter where I go in my life, those are things I'm not going to forget. We have always joked that we could read each others' minds, and I'm not sure at times that it was a joke. Let's face it, we have a bond that time and space has not destroyed, and may not destroy, though at times I wished it ceased to exist. I think all the ups and downs of the last year in regards to our friendship have been about not wanting to let go. There are still days I want to go back, to reach out, to try again, but wisely I do not, and will not. I know that most likely you have only feelings of negativity towards me, and that is not really my concern anymore. What we had is gone. I have accepted the fact that you will not be there to see me graduate, I will not be there to stand beside you on your wedding day, you will not be there at my mother's grave as she asked, and all the things we planned are gone. I will be sad at each of these times that you are not there, and I am not there for you. These are things that I know we will miss out on, but that is how life goes I guess. I am making this page because I told you I would, and I don't want to end this on the note of a broken promise, haven't we had enough of those? I hope you will not take this as a lash out at you, but as my way of a good bye. No matter where you go in life I hope you take with you the memories of our friendship, the good times and not just the bad. If you ever get to a spot where you have no where else to turn, remember I will always be there, as I have always been. Stevie Nicks sung it well, "I've been so afraid of changin, cause I built my whole life around you." A week or so ago I was driving down K-32 at night and that song came on the radio. I think it all hit me at that moment. It's time to stop fearing change. Good bye Billie... Love always, Heather |