CHAPTER TWO

As Nick careened down the dark, deserted street in his black BMW, his mind raced along with the car. He had left Melissa�s apartment hastily without so much as a glance back at her. He couldn�t take it there any longer.

These feelings of dissatisfaction with himself and his life were all so new to him. Frankly, this onslaught of feelings scared him more than anything. Did this mean he was actually starting to care about others? He couldn�t let that happen. Nick Carter was not soft. He didn�t care about anyone or anything. He used to, but he had learned his lesson. He would never care about anyone again.

He pressed his foot to the pedal and the car lurched forwards as it picked up speed. As he raced down the empty street, his mind unwillingly began shifting gears again. In his heart of hearts, Nick knew that this sudden surge of unexpected feelings wasn�t solely attributable to his remorse. These feeling had something to do with her. Everything always did. There wasn�t a day that went by when he didn�t think about her. Even when he was with other girls, his mind was always on her. He had never felt this strongly before though.

Often, the littlest, most seemingly insignificant things had the power to spark thoughts of her in his mind. Each and every time it was the same. He would envision her standing before him as she had the last night they had been together.

He remembered everything about that horrible night. The vivid image of her teary-eyed, pained face haunted him constantly. That was the last time he had seen her.

Two years. He had spent two years of his life with her thinking that she was his soul mate. Someone who he loved more than life itself. Someone who he had thought loved him back. Apparently he�d been wrong.

Nick knew that if he ever saw her again, he�d grovel, beg, plead, and do anything in his power just to be with her. To hold her in his arms, he�d give the world. For Nick, knowing that she still had such an immense power over him even after all these months was positively terrifying.

It never failed. Every time he�d assured himself that he didn�t need or care about her, his memory would be triggered somehow and the wall he�d worked so hard to build up around himself would crumble. He�d start to feel weak and helpless without her. Nick hated feeling helpless.

Despite his efforts, the overpowering feeling of helplessness was one that nothing could cure. Nothing would ever be able to rid him of the image of her tear-streaked face that night. That was an image that not even a pretty face could help him forget.

* * *

Painfully slowly, Jessica picked herself up off the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. Her legs were heavy and uncooperative as she rose unsteadily. Ignoring the gnawing ache in her stomach, she stumbled towards the bathroom door. She clutched the cool brass doorknob tightly as she stood in a trance-like state.

From the bathroom, she could still hear her mother�s ceaseless raucous laughter. It resonated throughout the house, pulsating loudly in her ears. Jessica�s mind began spinning in maddening circles as she grasped the doorknob tighter. She couldn�t take this anymore.

She turned the knob and fled clumsily from the bathroom. Jessica's eyes darted wildly about as a lump formed in her throat.

Her mind a haze of confusion, she stumbled over to her closet. She hurriedly pulled a sweatshirt from the shelf, accidentally upsetting its contents in the process. Hot tears threatened dangerously to spill from her eyes, but miraculously she managed to remain composed. Carefully, she donned the oversized sweatshirt, wincing as the fabric grazed the large bruise upon her arm.

Her whole body shaking, Jessica made her way to her bedroom door. Easing it open slowly, she tiptoed down the hall. The loud slurred speech of her mother�s companion filtered through the hallway as Jessica crept down it.

As she approached the banister she picked up her pace. She whisked down the stairs soundlessly, so as not to alert her mother of her presence. There was no telling what her mother would do if she caught her.

Quickly, she reached for her car keys lying on the table. She snatched them up hurriedly as she stepped towards the door. Easing the heavy wooden door open, in a rush she stepped out into the cool night. The door slammed loudly behind her, but at this point Jessica didn�t care. All she cared about was getting away.

She raced down the winding cobblestone driveway to her car. Clumsily, she inserted her key into the door and threw it open roughly. The door banged shut and within seconds she was out of her driveway. She sped away from her house, without even a glance back. She knew that she wouldn�t be missed.

Her silver Miata wove in and out of the streets, turning the corners sharply. As Jessica drove, she realized that she had no real destination in mind. She had no idea where she was headed or where she would end up. All she knew was that she wanted to get away from her mother, her house, everything. The further away the better.

* * *

Nick slowed his car as he eased it throughout the dark side streets. He could see it now. Just a few feet ahead of him, the quiet stretch of beach loomed in the darkness. Nick let out a sigh of relief as his car approached it.

The beach was his solace. It always had been. It was the one place where he could always go to escape from life�s trials and tribulations. There, Nick was able to collect his thoughts and analyze them rationally. There was something about the water that had this amazing, inexplicable soothing effect upon him.

Cutting the engine, he quickly got out of his car and slammed the door firmly behind him. He thrust his hands into his pocket and with a shuffle of his feet, he began his slow decent down the sandy beach. A cool breeze sifted throughout the air, ruffling his hair slightly as he moved.

Pausing, Nick gazed up at the foaming surf ahead of him. The churning water was enrapturing and momentarily, Nick was captivated by a swell of powerful waves. He watched in silent fascination as the waves crashed and broke against one another.

As he stood mesmerized by the water before him, Nick�s mind began to drift. Rianna. Images of her beautiful face danced like wildfire throughout his mind.

After all these months, Nick could still vividly remember everything about her. Her silky, flowing blonde hair, her sparkling blue eyes and the way her soft, smooth skin felt beneath his touch. Her memory alone was enough to send shivers up his spine.

Swallowing remorsefully, he tried in desperation to shake her from his thoughts. He couldn�t though. The image of Rianna�s face unwillingly entered his mind again. Squeezing his eyes shut tightly, Nick made a last attempt at banishing her from his thoughts. He failed miserably.

�I�m sorry Nick. I can�t do this anymore. There�s someone else.� Those words. Over the past few months, they had become the very bain of his existence. Wherever Nick went, her voice followed it seemed.

He had loved her so much, but had been afraid to tell her. He was afraid that confessing just how much he needed her would somehow make him vulnerable. Nick had assured himself on countless occasions that he really wanted a future with Rianna, he just wasn�t ready for all the commitment a serious relationship entailed.

Rianna had been everything to him. She was the very air that he breathed. That night however, Nick had just let her walk away from him. Even as her retreating figure had fled into the darkness he hadn't been unable to pronounce the words.

It wasn't supposed to be so difficult for you to tell someone you cared about the extent of your feelings. Nick hadn't been able to do it though. He hadn�t been able to tell Rianna that he loved her.

Nick regretted that moment with every fibre of his being. When Rianna had walked away from him that night, she had taken a part of him with her. It was a part of himself that Nick was certain he would never be able to regain. At least not without Rianna by his side.

As he stood gazing absently at the water, all the pent up emotion he had been hiding inside began to swell. He felt himself slipping as he succumbed to his emotions. �I love you Rianna,� Nick whispered into the darkness.

His voice came out hoarse and thick with emotion. He had finally said it. Only, it was too late now. Rianna was gone. And she was never coming back.

* * *

After almost half an hour of reckless driving, Jessica thankfully slowed her car to a stop. Hastily, she parked the car askew and exited it quickly.

She paused momentarily, her eyes absorbing the scenery about her. After she had calmed down a little, this had been the first and only place she had thought of coming. The beach was the one place where her mind could run free without inhibition. The solitude of the beach never failed to work wonders on her frazzled nerves.

Often, after a bout of her mother�s torturous beatings, she would quietly escape the house and come here. Sometimes she would sit for hours on end gazing out at the water as she sobbed silently.

Closing her eyes, she stood still for a few seconds, basking in the serenity of the beach. She could feel her body relax, but only slightly, as the tension slipped away. Opening her eyes carefully, she began slowly walking. She trudged across the length of the beach, heading towards the pier. The wind whipped furiously through her loose blonde hair, tangling it in the process.

She approached the pier, mounting it tiredly. Jessica felt her breath catch as she drank in the view. It was breathtaking and beautiful. She watched rapturously as the strong waves overpowered one another as they rolled into shore.

As Jessica stood gazing out at the churning, murky water ahead of her, the tears began to cascade down her face. She wanted release. She wanted desperately to rid her mind and body from the numbing pain that she was subjected to feeling every day of her life.

As the tears continued to slide down her face, a realization dawned upon her. The pain would never go away. This pain was incurable. It was the pain of knowing that you had no one to love, no one to trust and that you were hopelessly alone in this world. This alone hurt Jessica more than her mother's beatings ever could.

All she wanted now was a way out. A way for everything to stop hurting. As she stared down at the black, seemingly endless water in front of her, it called to her.

Maybe she had found a way out after all.

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