JC: Man, why the hell would you be in Topeka? I'm only out here for the next episode of Adrenaline. I mean it's good to see you but this is a rather odd place to find you.
Judgement: Golfing. Have to do something since retiring.
I wasn't aware Kansas was the golf hot spot of the world.
It's really not man, Pebble Beach is the place to be these days, but I ain't no Tiger woods you know, I gotta stay where the land is flat so I can find my balls!
Last time I heard you lost your balls a long time ago....
Joe looks at Judgement for a minute, no laughter.
Once again my brand of humor is lost on the peanut gallery.
Funny you should mention that after all these times me and you fought, you should know with some of the things we did I have grapefruit sized balls, anyways hook me up with some tickets to come see you, it has to of been a year or longer since I've even watched any wrestling, I don't even know who the stars are anymore.
Don't really CARE about your balls other than a joke. Anyway, besides me, there's not much in this place. I guess their champions are okay but I could beat anyone here. Take my opponent this week, Jessie Devlin.
Who?
My thoughts exactly. I don't mind fighting women, but did they just pick a random one to throw at me? This match screams filler. Just another win to polish my record in UWF I guess. So where did you say you were going?
UWF's running a house show beforehand. I don't have a match but they told me I could speak my peace on the Adrenaline match if I wanted to, and so I plan to do just that.
Oh okay. Yeah I guess I'll tag along for the ride.
In the back, Joe's other friend, and manager Josh is in the back seat listening. He reaches forward and turns on the radio.
Josh what are you doing?
Listening to music.
Fine but no Celine Dion okay? We talked about that.
I told you, I was just browsing through the stations!
Josh turns the dial and the radio hits static until it lands on some sort of hip-hop station.
Voice from radio: They see me rollin/They hatin/Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Both Joe and Judgement look back at Josh with looks on their faces that question what could be wrong with their back seat passenger.
What in the hell is wrong with you?
I like this so....LOOK OUT!
Pulling up to the arena Joe swerves to avoid a little girl that ran out in the street and crashes into a lamp post. Luckily they were slowing down so there are no injuries.
I bet I'm going to have to pay for that lamp post.
At least you didn't hit the girl. And DON'T look at me because this is so not my fault.
Whatever. Look we're here, and I have ten minutes to get ready before my in-ring whatever it is I'm here to do. Here's some tickets, sit in the front row.
Just a moment guys and gals I don't know where her mouth and hand have been.
The fans chuckle at this and Joe smirks. He waits for the audience to die down before he continues.
Did I hear that right? Some little girl comes out here thinking she has what it takes to take me on? Baby, you couldn't handle me, whether it's in the ring or otherwise. Besides, whatever it is you're stinging people with, I don't want it, and I think maybe you need to see a doctor about it.
The fans laugh again as Joe sits on the top turnbuckle. He pauses again and brings to microphone back to his lips.
What I can't figure out is why such a young girl would act so bitchy for. I mean did you go to the beach and get sand in inappropriate places? Is it just that time of the month for you year round? I don't understand it. But let's see, considering I caught most of the drivel that you spewed out I'll try to retort here. Let's see. I was trained by Eugene? Who the hell is Eugene?
A ring attendant steps on the apron and tells Joe that Eugene, is in fact a WWE wrestler named Nick Dinsmore who got saddled with a retard gimmick.
They made Nick a retard? Interesting. Well he's a tremendous wrestler so I can't see how it would be an insult to say I got trained by him just becuase he's getting paid to act stupid. Apparantly you are getting paid for the exact same thing. If we can call it acting. You call yourself the "Queen" of UWF? Is that supposed to impress me? Is it supposed to make me tremble? Well they call me The Man Without Fear. And I don't tremble, or back down, especially from a bitch with a bad attitude and a lack of skill. And no, oral sex does NOT count in a wrestling ring.
Joe hops down from the turnbuckle and goes towards the side of the ring facing the video screen.
You know I have to admit, those fans were right when they called you boring. You just rambled on and on and on...I mean last time I checked this was a wrestling ring. Where people you know, wrestle? Sure I may sound like a hypocrite because I'm out here talking, but at least I'm entertaining. And the ladies love me.
Women in the audience scream with delight and Joe laughs a little to himself.
Do you know why I haven't bothered to "show my face" until now? Because you're just not worth it. Really, what's the point of me coming out here and talking when all this next match will be is a glorified training session? I just don't see you as a threat, and therefore I'm putting as little concentration on you as possible. When it comes to match time, I'll put 100% into it like I always do, beat you, and then go back to my quest to become World Champion. Just another stepping stone, to use an old cliche. And oh wow, let's make fun of my nicknames. Is that the best you have? And you miss the point of all of them. Smooth Criminal? Criminal has nothing to do with it, neither does Michael Jackson, although the man DID make Thriller so you have to show some respect. I certainly am smooth though. The Cool One? Um yeah that's me. One guy who is cool. Let's see, Carlito is a guy in another organization and somehow there's one here too. I smell copyright infringement! The New Masterpiece? Well, while my body is a sight to be seen...
A woman in the front row squeals and Joe takes off his T-shirt and throws it to her, making the rest of the women go nuts
The fact of the matter is that statement applies to my wrestling ability! When I get into that ring there is no one that can touch me. You included. Sure you'll get your standard token jobber offense, or TJO, as I like to call it, but it'll end the same way. You'll either get pinned, or you'll tap out. That little kick of yours? I'll block it and snap your femur. By the way, something tells me that you ARE for sale, because you certainly look the type. Do the words, "Suck for a buck" mean anything to you Jessie?
Now I watched you do some more of your schtick and quite frankly I'm not impressed. Ooh, he's Snoopy! Again, you miss the point. You fail. Not only that but you're using jokes that people have used a long time ago and that just makes you unoriginal. And then you take a Snoopy song..AND APPLY IT TO ME! That's hilarious!
Joe begins to force fake laughter and he drops to the mat and rolls around, slamming his fist into it, before popping back up and looking into the crowd.
About as hilarious as cancer, actually. I guess since you searched for my name that every result automatically has to be something to do with me! How stupid are you? I think all the sucking has impaired your brain. Instead of searching for me on the Internet, how about you stop being such an idiot and concentrate on wrestling. You may love to talk, and God knows the year it took you to finish your spiel certainly proves that, but I love to wrestle. So while you ramble, I'll train. And then, I'll defeat you. When the match is over you can continue to talk all you want. Hell you can talk during the match, I don't care, it'll make my job easier. But really, when it comes right down to it, all the lame, no-brained insults in the world aren't going to save you from the beating you're about to take. And I don't mean from your pimp. Jessie, be prepared for this Monday as I will give you a lesson in wrestling you won't soon forget. And by the way, don't EVER steal my catchphrase, you lower the value of it when a whore with a low IQ says it. But hey, I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know!
Joe's music hits again and he leaves to a standing ovation, and he notices the crowd chanting "Jessie sucks" and as he leaves he calls out into the microphone, "YES SHE DOES!" and leaves grinning. When he gets backstage he runs into Judgement.
You still got it as far as talking trash goes.
I thought so. Better to go out and say what I have to say, make it short and sweet. Seriously, it took forever to get to come out because all she did was talk and talk yet she really didn't say anything of note. I think she said I was a porn star at some point, but it was all mind-numblingly dull.
You? A porn star?
Hey I could be. Not saying I'd want to, but I certainly have the body for it.
Speaking of which, what the hell happened to your shirt?
It's on it's way to eBay now. I have another in the car...Aw shit it's still trashed isn't it.
Josh pulled it out. Mostly a fender bender and you tilted the lamp post, so I straightened it, wasn't that hard.
I'll leave them a check. Let's go golf, Tiger Woods.
Joe leaves with Judgement as the scene fades...