Now GI I don't want any animals being released like the LAST time you went to a zoo, comprende?

Um..sure! As long as that damn giraffe leaves my head alone we'll be fine.

Oh I'm sure the "big bad giraffe" will leave your head alone.

Hey! It'll try to eat me damnit!

Can we just go? It'll take a few hours to get up there you know.

So all 6 people get inside the van, with Joe driving, Mandy in shotgun, and the rest in the back. They keep driving and driving and driving until eventually they finally make it to the zoo(which is somewhere in NYC, by the way). They step out and the sun is already blazing hot.

I don't think this is going to be any fun.

Sure it is, I thought you were a "zoo fanatic"?

Yeah I am..but the sun is evil man.

How can a sun be evil?

JF: IN THE NAME OF LUCIFER..I ORDER YOU TO SPILL THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT..

See it's already gotten to Jack's head! It's evil! It'll cook us, eat our skin, then it'll break our bones and suck out the marrow!

You are NOT touring the zoo with me.

Yeah well I wanna tour with Violet, Billy Bob & Jack anyway!

They split up, with Joe and Violet first heading to the area called "River's Edge" where the rhinos and hippos are located. They make their way up through the trail and the first animal is a warthog. The warthogs are being lazy, laying down in their burrows doing nothing.

Hey Pumbaa! Come on Pumbaa! Do something!

Where's Timon at?

I don't think they have meerkats at this zoo.

That's a shame. Those warthogs are lazy, let's go see the rhinos.

So they journey to the rhino...who are also laying down doing nothing.

What the..MOVE! MOVE!

A rhino turns around and looks at him, then lays back down.

I hate you.

Joe and Mandy move on to the next animal, the hippo.

Shouldn't the hippo be, visible?

Yeah, it is a hippo.

Oh wait there it is, under the water! It looked like a rock it's not moving at all!

Hey zookeeper I think your hippos are dead! No wait..that one's moving. It's coming up for air I think.

The hippo moves it's head up slightly so it's nostrils are above the water, then goes back down.

I wonder if he knows Orb?

He looks like him!

After being bored they move to the Asian Elephants.

Oh my God..what stinks?!

I think it's those elephant droppings the size of truck tires!

Ewwww that's nasty.

Reminds me of Tony Hawk 4..you can skitch on the elephants tail while it poops..nasty.

They leave that area and meet up with GI and his group at the primate house.

I bet you're loving this.

Monkeys are awesome!

But you already own TWO of them!

Which is why I'm not going to steal one.

You weren't going to steal one anyway, or I'd leave you here.

They all move inside where the first cage is the only one worth mentioning, the baboons. The baboons of course are known for their big red butts..but in real life it looks like a mess of loose and flabby skin too...very very sickening.

That is very very sickening.

Oh come on, Mandy! People love monkeys!

Suddenly two hoodlums, one is really skinny with long blond hair and the other is fat with a beard, run in and grab a monkey and start running out of the primate house.

Yo we love this monkey! Do something bout it!

See?

They look back at the baboons, two are sitting down "talking" with one another, one is eating the bugs off of another, and the other is picking at his rear end and sniffing his fingers.

Oh gross!!

Hahaha! That monkey is awesome!

You would think so! Jeez you're a freak. But hey I've really just seen a true assmonkey! haha!

Hey you guy see that big baboon? It's penis is sticking out it's like the size of my thumb!

WHAT THE HELL!? Nobody cares Jack! GI you have the world's dumbest group of friends I've ever seen!

They're not my friends, they're just people that I hang out with!

I want a monkey too Joe! GI has one but he won't let me have one!

What would you do with a monkey?

Kill it.

What? Kill a monkey? Are you mad?

Man! Didn't you see Outbreak? One monkey almost wiped out an entire town and Kevin Spacey with the deadly Motaba Virus.

Maybe that's why GI took Mr. Frisky from you.

Yeah but I haven't seen my monkey for a long time!

What, you never look down in the shower?

Joe pauses as everyone gives him evil glares.

Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make *one* joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?

They're still glaring at him.

Ok apparantly not.

The day continues as they eventually leave the zoo and make their way back. They are eventually trapped in traffic, however.

This is one of the worst peanut butter and traffic jams I've ever seen. Get it? Peanut butter..traffic jam?

You're not helping one bit bro.

Well excuse me!

It's gonna be SO late when we get home.

Can you see what the problem is?

I don't know. There's some kind of commotion up there. There might be something about it on the radio.

Joe turns on the radio, where it's nothing but static.

Figures.

It's times like this that it occurs to me we were lied to by The Jetsons.

What?

According to that show we were suppose to be tooling around in flying cars by now. You see any flying cars lately? That's the problem with TV, it always lies to us.

Yeah, well most of us rational thinkers weren't banking on a cartoon to offer us a viable glimpse into the future of technological development.

Yeah well...at least we wouldn't have to worry about the damn traffic.

Well I think I'm just going to let someone else drive.

Why?

Because for one thing, I want to use my camcorder to film a promo to C4 because he's done 3 about me and I'd like to respond. 2, my head is killing me and I am about to show some road rage.

Joe climbs into the back of the van and Mandy remains in the passenger seat. GI climbs up front and sits behind the wheel as we are still stuck. Joe turns on his camera.

Well this day has extremely sucked. The animals did nothing, the traffic is horrible, and on top of it all C4 is still running his mouth, just as much as always. Does this guy talk just to hear himself talk? Hold on a second I'd rather have this in interview form. YO BILLY BOB!

Billy Bob turns around and goes to the same seat as Joe.

Yeah Joe, I can do this interview for you. Camera already on then?

Yeah it is.

BILLY BOB YOU'RE MY PERSONAL INTERVIEWER!!

GI shut up and drive.

Oh sure, I'll just wreck the car by hitting the gas pedal straight into this 18-wheeler in front of us.

Anyway let's begin. I watched C4's promos too, and in it he says you're the most overrated wrestler in ICW.

Then he must not be including himself. Like I've said, he's had a few wins but other than that he's still nothing. He thinks my ICW track record speaks for itself. Let's not forget this guys losses include Reaper & AOD. Records are just that, records. My win/loss record has nothing to do with this Thursday at No Remorse. Why doesn't it? Well for one thing, not a one of my losses include submissions, or quitting. I've never EVER said I Quit. I never will. Nothing C4 can do will change that.

What about him saying you could ruin the quality of the match?

Well see Benoit vs Eddie could suck if it lasted like a minute...so if it only takes a minute for me to make C4 cry out that he respects me then I can see how the match would suck. But I'm hoping he's a little tougher than that you know?

Do you think this is main event caliber match?

Joe Cool's homecoming match, against some punk that is currently the hardcore champion. No it's not really worthy, but it is the main event nonetheless so when the whole thing is over it will be main-event quality. C4's not main event level. When he wins a world title then he can come back and try to judge others. He's yet to win the World title. He beat the champion in a non-title match, but that just means he can beat Bob Rocket. It doesn't mean he can beat me.

He says you're not a work of art and he even re-played clips of you being beat down by him on FNX two weeks ago.

Well he doesn't have any balls but I don't say anything. He attacked me, from behind, with a lead pipe. I mean, really, what is that? A cowardly attack to try and get an advantage by trying to injure me.

What about C4 saying he'll embarrass you?

A loss to C4 would be embarrassing! Look at him! He's C4! I can't even look Bob Rocket in the eye anymore because he hangs his head in shame. He wanted Pug to name one guy that could beat him. I can name one guy. JOE COOL. I can beat him simply because he CAN'T beat me. That's all there is to it. Hey C4, I have a much better proposition for you. What if I lock on The Cool Crunch, a modified half-crab, and either you announce that I respect you or have your career ended when I shatter everything in your knee? I already KNOW you respect me C4...you want to be just like me, a wrestler with unlimited talent and loads of charisma, instead of being like you, a mediocre excuse of a wrestler who thinks is the shit as opposed to just being shit.

Is there anything else you'd like to say to him?

Oh there's lots of things I'd like to say to him. C4, you have got to be the biggest idiot I've ever seen. Do you realize how little that says for you? You probably don't. You don't understand that you can't make me quit. You can't understand that you can't make me give up. You think that 32 losses as opposed to 31 wins is a guarantee that you will come out on top, regardless of the fact that they are all PINFALL. C4..listen carefully. There are no pinfalls in this matchup. There are no disqualifications. There are no count-outs..no stopping the match due to injury or excessive amount of blood loss. There is only one way for the match to end, and that is when one man tells the other how much they respect them. You'll be the one to say it.

I'm fucking tired of talking, so I'm about to finish up. I don't care about your win record, it means nothing because you've NEVER FOUGHT ME. You're going to get the fight of your life and you won't be able to handle it. I've got all the tools to win this contest. I've got tolerance for pain...stamina, talent, techincal skills, determination, on oh every other quality that I need. There's so many I lose count sometimes. C4 you can't beat me. It's as simple as 1 + 1 = 2. You will say one thing, and one thing only at No Remorse: Joe, I Respect You! But you know what, C4? I'm not telling you anything, that you don't already know.

Joe turns off the camera as traffic starts to pick up finally and they begin moving as the scene fades...