Excuse me sir, I have to leave...could you move?
No no no no no....you damn grave diggers aren't going to get away with this..stealing bodies for who knows what.....
Um..sir...I'm not stealing anything..
The hell you aren't! That tombstone says Joe Cool and you're trying to get out of here! You are gonna STAY BURIED!
I'm not dead!
That's what they all say!
By this time Joe is getting frustrated with the drunk and senile old man..he comes up with a trick.
Look! Miller Lite Catfight Girls!
Where?
Joe takes off running and the caretaker realizes his mistake as Joe starts going down the hill he kicks a LARGE barrel down it to knock Joe over...as if from an adventure movie Joe is running down the hill away from the barrel, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he can hear the Indiana Jones theme.
Damn Indy marathon last night..got the damn song stuck in my head.
Joe hops into his Dodge Ram and takes off and the barrel stops the next car coming down the road. A hired cameraman, Josh, is inside.
Hey Josh.
Hey, how ya doin?
I'm doin goood.
Sounds like it.
Yeah I put the extra "o" in there because I'm doin so good.
So..anyway, I thought we were going to film an interview in there?
Fuck that, the old guy is nuts!
They drive a bit farther down the road to a hotel where Joe is currently staying. They stop and head to the room. Joe knocks before entering just in case Mandy is showering or whatever. She is decent so they go inside.
How was that interview?
Great...er....no, it hasn't happened yet.
Why not?
Old alcoholic caretaker.
Ouch. Well, you could film it here..I was going to go to the bedroom and lay down for a little bit.
Mandy leaves the room.
Sure I guess. We could just fly to another country and do it for the hell of it. You been to any foriegn countries, Josh?
I've been all over the world. Except for Europe. And Asia.
Wow.
And South America, I haven't been there yet either.
Ok, forget the traveling...you're an idiot, you know that?
Yeah..but I was trying to joke...didn't work.
You know what's a joke? My opponent for Aftermath!
Andrew Crow, right?
Hell yes. Start the camera Josh, I feel like ranting..
Josh turns on the camera and Joe prepares to speak.
It's funny. I watched The Crow movies the other day. What is the fascination with this guy? He's dark, he's gothic, he kicks ass..oh..a dark gothic, asskicking badass. For a guy that is imitated by so many people you think one of them would actually get it right, and kick some ass instead of just being that weird guy that likes to do weird things. Crow has decided to stalk me. Why? From what I can figure it's because I beat him. Or maybe it's just because he's like the women fans that I have, the ones that want me but can't have me. I'm hoping it's because I beat him, because the other reason just scares me. Now we've been as the insiders call it, "fueding" for a little over a month now. No one has clearly been the winner in it, mainly cuz this guy is a pussy. Everytime I get the chance to fight him he just slinks away like a nobody, but when I've got my back turned..BAM he knocks me down. Does anyone else see the problem with that? Honestly.
Crow, I had you beat, or at least I thought I did. As it turns out it was a long 2. What does that matter, you still decided to blind me and get a cheap elimination. Wow, what a guy. You were squriming! Damn right you were, you know why too, I was beating the living hell out of you. And on Aftermath, you'll have NO WHERE to go. I will be able to focus on just you, and not worry about a possible match against Warrior, not worry about Legacy, just concentrate on you, and that's when you're going to feel "Pain". I am not the greatest in the world, but I'm better than you. I know this because there are many many differences between us. I have fans, you don't. I have friends, you have a group of idiots that like to hang around you because if they don't you'll try to do weird stuff to them. I have talent, you have the unique ability to brood on cue.
Heh, I'm not the only thing that matter, but YOU don't matter. You're nothing, Crow! You're a pitful excuse for a wrestler, and for you being in LOW that makes me want to bitch-slap some of the guys in management for just hiring you. You go and cry about your pitiful family life, come on...my dad ran off on my mom with a hooker when I was 5, died of AIDS when I was 6, and my mom died shortly after I broke into the wrestling business. Oh did I say broke? Well if you mean maybe some ribs. I was denied a shot in World Wrestling Entertainment, thanks to some "holier than thou" pricks who didn't want to put over new talent. I went to Japan and nearly got myself killed against guys like Misawa, Muto, Tanaka, Akira Taue, Kobashi, Akiyama, the list goes on and on..if I didn't learn more than my mentor Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka taught me I wouldn't be where I am today because those guys in Japan don't take any shit, if you don't wrestle they are going to rip you apart. Why do you think guys like Benoit & Guerrero are so good? They HAD To be, to survive. Survival huh? I'm a survivor.
I left Japan and struggled in the independant federations for years before breaking in a big time fed and carving my niche in wrestling history. But even then jealous assholes tried to keep me down. Now I found my way into LOW, thanks to effort and I wind up in a series of matches with ANDREW FUCKING CROW?! Crow, I don't know who you are, I don't care! After this match is over personally I'd like to just move on and go after Jason Warrior, a guy who I actually have respect for and his Aftermath title. Management, listen up, I want to be placed into matches with guys who are actually GOOD. I want to get a push, I'm tired of curtain jerking on the this two-bit show Aftermath. I'm tired of once again having to pay dues because of assholes trying to keep me down. Maybe, just maybe, I can take it all out on you Andrew Crow. After all, you seem to have problems you want to take out on me...why not? I'll just tear you apart, finish you off in no time and then they'll have to do something with me. I'm sorry, was that a tear I saw? I think Dennis Leary said it best Crow..."Life's tough, GET A FUCKING HELMET". I don't give a shit about your history anymore than you give a shit about mine. I'm here to wrestle, not brawl, not get attacked backstage, not compete in fucking graveyard matches...I want to wrestle. Since you're not a wrestler, but a Eric Draven wannabe, I'm going to have to carry you to a good match. TJO doesn't even apply to you, I've seen jobbers put up a bigger fight than you can. But hey, I'm not telling you anything, that you don't already know.
The scene fades as the cameraman shuts off the camera and leaves, and once again Joe gets his cell phone out to make a call...