The Wrestling Effect: Hey Arm, if you want to call anyone a bunch of chicken shits who like to back out of things, TWE would be the people to do it. We haven't heard from either Virus or Unknown, and they never enterered their stable to be in the stable match. Sure they only got two members, but did MRBU have only two members when they won it last month? Virus is a pathetic jobber who really hasn't done anything since his debut, and The Unknown will be crushed by Norton. Hey maybe that's why they didn't sign up for this match. Virus is gonna try to help Unknown win his match but they both have a feeling that even a 2 on 1 won't work(I don't blame them), so if they get killed they won't have to forfeit. Great strategy boys, except if I were Virus I'd let TWE die along with Unknown when Norton kills him. Then I'd pack my bags and go back to the trailer park I came out of and hope Norton doesn't hunt me down.
Totally Sin: Probably the least threatening group in this match. Sinzere is a jobber. Is that saying too much? I mean his biggest ICW win, is taking the cape away from The Avenger. How sad is that? Sort of makes me want to hire The Dude back so Sinzere can pick up some more wins. Venom is the same way, except his biggest win was a TIE. He tied with Crucifix to get a shot at the TV title, which was held at the time by....Dark Lord Mantys! How ironic. Dark Lord Mantys is the only person in the group that would pose a threat. He's a former Elite member, and a former TV champ. In fact he'd be in The Elite right now if we didn't feel like he just didn't fit into the group. Even he felt that way. The Elite still have respect for him however, well, until Wednesday, then his week of respect has run out, and we will treat him like everyone else. Besides, after being in that gauntlet match is he going to be rested enough to endure this match?
I'll split the next two stables up into two groups, Team A who pose no threat at all, and Team B who pose some threat.
Deadly Intent:
Team A: They are aligned with DF sure, but what kind of an alliance is it? I mean jeez Reaper nailed Silence with a sledgehammer putting him out! That must be one of those "tough love" groups. First we have Creeper, who if he even can make it back out to the ring for this match, will be so exhausted from the Cell match that he'll pose no threat to anyone. Heh, like he could anyway. Then we have Huntress. Well there isn't much I can say on someone who beat a jobber for the US belt then got dominated by Doomsday can I? Next is Heracles. Any guy that names themselves after a greek hero is just asking to be called a jobber. Plus I've watched his matches and can't say I'm enthusiastic about seeing them. Yup. Another untalented waste of space. Toxen has that gauntlet match, not to mention no one has heard from the HC champ at all except when he threatened an injured wrestler. How nice, you have to fight someone who's healing from an injury just to show how tough you are. Moviing on, Big Dawg poses some threat to The Elite taking the title. SOME. Then again, Doomsday did a number on Huntress and Avenger last week, I doubt he's going to let Dawg get off scot free, so maybe Dawg won't pose that much of a threat at all. Stick to commentating Dawg, you were at least safe then and no one tried to injure you.
Team B: Last but not least, is Reaper. Probably the only guy in DI who I will admit has talent. Which is why he's in a group all by himself. Reaper I'll tell you right now, you're not going to win the stable trophy. Do you want to know why? Look at your teammates. With the exception of Dawg, none of them are even worth being in the same locker room with you. I'm not sucking up, I am stating a fact. Deadly Intent is Reaper, he's carrying them all on his back. And if you expect him to carry that amount of dead weight and still win that big stable match you're wrong. I predict Reaper lasts to the final three or four in the first ring, then gets eliminated, and as soon as he enters the second ring he tries to help a stablemate and gets thrown out himself. Hell, that's probably how he'll get eliminated from the first battle royal. Reaper I've never fought you, but it really doesn't matter. I'm goin in there on behalf of The Elite, and The Elite is a stable that is dominating every one right now. You are just one of the many people that are ill-fated to cross our collective paths. But hey you get a great consaltion prize for trying to deny us our right to become the stable champs, a nice room where you'll be fed and get to lie around and watch TV. Oh yeah, they'll have your leg proped up and you'll have a nice body cast to keep yourself warm. Better hope it's not the itchy kind, huh?
Dark Forces:
Team A: Pozen. Uh huh. Puts on a good match with Reaper and everyone treats the guy like he's the next Hulk Hogan. Oh wait, excuse me, the next Stone Cold Steve Austin. If that's the case than Pozen, please do a walk out because you're just gonna get your ass kicked by everyone in this company if you don't. Next is Darkrebel..OH! wait that's right, I broke his fucking ankle. So I guess Darkrebel...WON'T be in this rumble will he? It's a damn shame. But see that works for him, he has more time to live. Had he been fighting me instead of Creeper, he..STILL would not have been in this match. Haha, life's funny aint it? Next is AOD, who is in the gauntlet match, and just like everyone else in the gauntlet match, will be too tired to play a big factor in this match. Next week have Cage. He's the World Champ. That's really all I can say that hasn't already been said. Funny thing, I offered him a spot with The Elite, and he accepted it. But then he declined it 10 minutes later, telling me he's afraid to face Dark Forces. So Arm you basically got a member in your stable who's there because he's too scared of you to leave. Yup.
Team B: Oh next we have Kanich. He's the challenger for the WC, the Big Red Machine, very close to getting a hall of fame spot..WHOOP DEE FUCKING DO. Kanich, it's not that I don't fear you, but well yeah actually it is that I don't fear you. I just honestly don't see a reason to. Should I be scared of your tree trunk arms? Yes I probably should be I mean if you got me in a headlock you could make my brain pop out of my skull and land in the 6th row, but I'm not. I'm just wacky and cooky like that aren't I? Should I be scared of your finisher, The Devil's Drop? No, because chokeslams aren't as bad as people say they are. It's actually kind of fun, you go up in the air then come back down and just have the wind knocked out of you. Like some twisted amusement park ride. Then again isn't Kanich just one big amusement? And last on the Dark Forces side is Armageddon. Arm, I'm not going to take away any credit from you. You are one of the best in the business...excuse me...WERE one of the best in the business. The truth is Arm, I don't think you have what you used to have. And trust me, I should know. I fought you back when I did the freaking Worm to get cheap pops and then I fought you just two months ago. Yes I'd say there is a big difference and it's not for the better Arm. You went from great in BTW, to semi-great in UWFX(in the short time you were there) to mediocre here in ICW. Think about it. Your not the man you once were and that's why you don't stand a chance in the match. You say you never back down from a dare or a challenge? Here's one, I DARE you, I CHALLENGE you, to retire while you still have some dignity left. Think you can handle that?
Last, the stable that will win the whole thing, The Elite. Not only do they have me now on their side, which says "WIN" right there, we got JJ Crawford, a man that's going to tear Armageddon apart, all over the arena. We got Doomsday, a man who's won the US title in his DEBUT match here in ICW and now will beat Big Dawg to retain it. We got Norton, who isn't a man, but a huge freaking monster, and he's going to take Unknown out to retain his BTC title, which IRONICALLY, he also won in his DEBUT match. The stables not called THE ELITE because it needs a catchy nickname everyone. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention we'll have to make room for new inductees this week?
The general feelings towards DOA is that all the Elite members will win. Which means I'm beating Creeper, and The Elite will collectivly defeat everyone else to win the trophy. Oh yeah, be sure to look especially at my match, when I debut "The Ride of Your Life" to beat Creeper and force that punk to wear a dress! Why? Because I'm Joe Cool and I can.
Joe walks backstage and he sees something. Could it be? YES! IT IS!
Mmmmmm sodas....
The scene fades out as Joe finds happiness.
