Kanich, you gotta understand, the guy had a short fuse, you knew it was going to happen. You still did a kickass job as commish. Personally I thought you handled that situation well. Yeah maybe. So anyway, at least I managed to sign Silence to a contract.
Yeah, damn I don't know how much you offered that guy, but I'm guessing it's a main eventer's salary, or perhaps more. Taker and I have been trying to hire him for up to 6 months now since he left.
I also offered him a Dregs spot. Don't know if he accepted that or not, guess we'll see when he comes in at PPV and fights Abomination. Joe tosses the ball too high and it bounces off the celing and crashes into Joe's office door, with a loud thud. Nice one.
Joe picks the ball back up and tosses it at Kanich.
Hey think fast!
Kanich catches the ball and tosses it back to Joe, who puts it in his gym bag and sits back down.
I'm gonna do that one of these days, and the wrong person is gonna get hit in the face with it.
Yeah but it's not like they won't deserve it, if they didn't catch the damn ball.
Nope. Hey, I think I'm going to film a quick promo while it's on my mind.
Sure I'll catch you later man, I gotta get home before I take off for Vegas again.
Man you're really pulling out those frequent flyer miles.
Kanich leaves and Joe heads to the a/v room, where he plans to film his promo. On air it will appear in a cinematic form, with a white background. Joe is standing with a trenchcoat smiling as the camera begins recording.
Well, in the midst of everyone catching the flu, I myself have a HUGE headache. But it's not a physical one, it's metaphorical one. You see, I have a huge problem with two of the stupidest people I've ever seen grace a wrestling ring. And that's pretty stupid, considering everyone I've fought in my illustrious history as a wrestler. Who are these morons? Who dares kill my brain cells and drop my IQ level with their very presence? Why, it is NE Existance, and Bob Rocket.
Who!?
These guys were signed obviously by Taker, who to his credit, does make good employment choices, but ... he must have been high when he signed these guys. I mean, honestly. No, really. Seriously. I'm not kidding. This match could not be any more simpler if the objective was to raise your hand in the air. I've wrestled women who could kick my ass more than these guys could. I mean, who are they..really? They call themselves the "Excrement Existance", which goes to say a lot about them. None of it is good, but still, it says a lot. I've decided for my first promo, out of many, because I know plenty of insults that should, and will be directed their way during this week, but for my first one, I'm just going to be brief, and tell how much they suck according to their roster biographies.
First we have Annie Existance. Oops, sorry, it's NE, but I figure that is what he was going for before he had a problem spelling it. Well besides choosing the obvious feminine pink clothing, this guy has many other faults in his life. First, he's 5'9, 249 lbs, so he's a small guy compared to me, being 6'5" 260. Now even though I'm bigger, I do expect him to go with the speed route, trying to nail quick moves or high flying ones to get me off my feet. In case he hasn't seen any of my matches..(which, in a hilarious comment, Phisch said he'd better see some, quick), he would know that one of my main finishers is a shooting star press, into a frog splash. I move like I am a crusierweight. Hell, were it not for my height, I'd probably have the build of a crusierweight. I'm only 40 lbs past the limit. Annie's bio simply states that he's a white trash wannabe wrestler who thinks he can whoop anybody. Well ok. I'll let him think that for the time being....
Next up is "The Explosive" Bob Rocket. No catchy nicknames for this one. He is the same height is Annie, only 6 pounds heavier. Whoop-dee-fucking-do. He used to work for the government as a bomb defuser, oh...The Explosive! HA I get it. Still makes you gay though, assmonkey. He also worked as a bounty hunter. Wee. I'm literally falling asleep here. Well, there are no bombs to defuse, you can't hunt anyone, so you're out of luck. Jeez, even Annie has some wrestling experience! Who the hell are you? And wait, you said you can whoop me? Is there something in the water fountains at ICW or what? Well it's no wonder you wanted a bar room brawl, that's probably the closest you've ever come to being in a real fight. If I were you, I'd get eliminated first, you might even just slow your partner down, more so than he would by himself.
Before I continue
There you go. Everyone now knows what an assmonkey is. Now I have no idea how you guys smell, but you do look like monkeys, and from the sound of it you like to at least hang around asses, seeing as you're the "Excrement Existance" and all. And you sure as hell don't belong in a wrestling ring, much less against the one and only Smooth Criminal, Cool One, and New Masterpiece Joe Cool. If I were you guys, I'd hire someone who actually could stand a chance against me, put him in there with me, and watch as I kick his ass just as easy as I would you. Who knows, you might learn a few things. One thing is for sure, you won't ever beat me. But you know what? I'm not telling you anything, that you don't already know
Joe turns off the camera and places the tape on the camera, with a note that reads, "To My So Called Opponents...Enjoy" written on it. Joe leaves to head home as the scene fades.
Assmonkey: 1. A monkey who comes from an ass; 2. Someone who looks like a monkey and smells like ass; 3. A complete and utter waste of ring space, one who doesn't deserve to wrestle anybody(see also: jobber, curtain jerker)