JN: This should be a quick one, Love. Joe Cool's one of the greatest SOB champs the BTW has seen in recent memory.
DL: Sure, sure, you're so impartial. But it would be foolish to count the Executioner out! He's been making waves since joining the BTW.
JN: Well, he'll have the chance to prove his mettle in an SOB title shot tonight! Let's get to the action! Executioner is already in the ring and Cool is making his way down as we speak!
DL: How does he make his hair do that?
JN: That's a closely guarded secret, Love! Joe Cool hits the ring and Executioner's on him like white on rice!
DL: Executioner with some big right hands! Yow! A quick DDT by the challenger!
JN: He came to fight tonight! Look at him go for the trashcan... OH! He just smashed Cool right in the face with the lid!
DL: Cool seems dazed, J... a shot like that will take the kinks out of your hair! Executioner's pressing the attack! He smacked Joe Cool in the back with the trashcan lid and now he's trying to set him up for a powerbomb! He's not wasting time!
JN: It's a little early for the big moves, Love! Cool has back-body dropped his opponent and drops a mean elbow on Executioner! Wow, right across the trachea! Now Cool is looking for some weapons! Look out!
DL: Cool has jumped out of the ring and is here at the announcers' table! What the- hey! We need that monitor!
JN: Cool has grabbed David's monitor off of the table! Ha ha! He's going to smash Executioner with it!
DL: Cool is back in the ring with that monitor... Executioner charges him and Cool catches him right in the gut with it! Oh! And now he bashes him in the back of the skull! Executioner is cut!
JN: First blood goes to the champion in this contest! Cool just snap-suplexed Executioner nearly out of his shoes! He's locking in a front facelock! Executioner is in some pain!
DL: I'll say, J! Cool is really reaching back with that facelock, you know how much he likes those submission holds!
JN: True, Love. It looks like- NO! Executioner just jabbed a thumb in Cool's eye! He's keeping this match alive!
DL: Now it's the bloody Executioner on the offensive... he sends Joe Cool into the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a wicked clothesline! Cool is down! The challenger punishes him with some boots to the head! Uh, oh, he's going for that pool cue!
JN: Look out, Joe! Oh! Executioner smashes that cue down across Cool's back! And again across his neck... OW! The cue splinters on Joe Cool's cranium!
DL: But the hair is still erect! Kudos, Joe!
JN: Shut up, Love, Joe Cool is hurt... Executioner is picking up the trashcan and is preparing to bounce it off of Joe Cool's skull...
DL: Cool's on his knees... he sends a fist into Executioner's gut, and the can falls on the challenger's own head! Cool goes for a powerslam, but Executioner blocks it! OH! Joe Cool sends him to the mat with a standing dropkick!
JN: Cool's in control now... he whips Executioner into the corner and sends him right back out again with a full-nelson slam. Cool's going up top!
DL: This could be all, folks! He's signaling for the Swanton Bomb! Heads up!
JN: Cool executes a beautiful flip off the top... NO! Executioner rolls out of the way and drags a stop sign into his place! Not a pleasant landing for Cool!
DL: Not at all, J... Cool is rolling around on the mat and howling in pain! That high-risk maneuver backfired! But what is... oh, no! Executioner is calling for THE WORM! And there he goes... "W! O!..."
JN: Cool isn't amused at all, Love! He jumps up and hits Executioner with a boot to the gut into a springboard DDT!
DL: He's dragging his opponent over to... uh, oh... it's the One Step Closer! Cool presses Executioner into that same stop sign and comes in right after him for the frogsplash! This one is done!
JN: Here's the pin... 1...2...3, it's OVER! Joe Cool retains his SOB Title!
Joe turns off the tape and laughs to himself. He pays for it and the figure and walks out of the store when he sees a guy trying to control a small group of people, leading a bunch of others into a makeshift complex which says "C4 autographs". He chuckles and walks down to the area, where he hears the ongoing conversation.All right, people, all right, you will get paid AFTER we film C4's promo and you act all happy because you got your autographs..
Doesn't this C4 guy actually have fans?
No of course not, why do you think we're paying you! Now get in there and laugh at his jokes, no matter how retarded they sound!
Joe walks up as the guys are refusing to cheer and just want their money for sitting there...
What's the problem here guys?
It's about TIME you got here! We have to prerecord your sketch, man those makeup women did a wonder to make you look like the real thing, get over there!
Hey uh, what are you talking about?
Just go over there near the camera, and do a silly rap like C4 does only about C4...
Um...sure why not
Joe moves in front of the microphone with a camera in front of him, he starts rapping..
I'm about to get paid for whooping C4's ass?
I must be dreaming, I thought I quit smoking grass
C4's got no class, he's nothin but a loser
In fact when I....
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! This is the Joe look-a-like suckup to C4 segment! You're not a C4 fan?
No, why the hell would I be?
Good point, but still! A lot of C4's own paycheck is going into this so we can't have someone not sucking up to him! Here, just take this 20 bucks we was gonna pay you and we'll get someone else to do it. Hey, "fans", who wants to dress up like Joe Cool?
A lot of the planted actors cheer in unison as now he has to fight off the people who want to be like Joe Cool, and they see the real guy who was supposed to look like Joe arrive and he chuckles to himself once again..He watches on a mall TV, hoping C4 will say something intellegent..once again he's not surprised, but dissappointed that C4 drops Joe's IQ lower by talking like he's on drugs. He finds Josh, who was looking for clothes at the Gap, and tells him to turn on the camera for a quick promo.
C4, it don't get any faker than this. You've just proven every non-wrestling fan right. But you know what I'm talking about. That entire show was obviously the spawn of too much dope, being dropped on your head too much, both, I don't know. But you need help if you think that's supposed to entertain everybody. How many paychecks did you take up to pay for that exactly? Those were a lot of hired actors. But, I'm bored with talking to you, about you, watching you on TV, you're boring me! I'm almost question why I'd want to be in the ring with you for 60 minutes! Well they never said it was a Mensa meeting, as long as you don't talk I think I can manage it. Now you like to say certain things about me, trying to act like you're smart and say you beat me. Well yes you did. Let me say this slow so you can understand, YOU....CAN.....NOT.....BEAT....ME. I didn't say, you never did beat me, or you have not beat me, I said you CAN'T beat me. Meaning, at ICW Retaliation, you can't, you won't, and you won't even come close to beating me. About last month, I have a question. You ever heard of luck? You just happened to get lucky last month. That's when the disc started bulging, I quit that match because I wanted to live to fight another day. I said it wasn't over C4, it's not over. But it will be. You want to end my career, well, that's great, because we have something in common, except instead of wanting to end your career, I'm going to make you WISH I HAD ended it. But hey, I'm not telling you anything, that you don't already know. Joe gives the promo to a stagehand to give to C4, and walks out of the mall as the scene fades.