Q:"I just started a new job and the dress code is very strict. My previous employer spoiled me by letting me dress pretty much any way I wanted. I bought a closet full of slightly more conservative clothes for my new job, but I have been receiving rude stares from my coworkers. My boss has even called me into his office to ask me to tone down the makeup and funky jewelry. Should I do what he asks or should I make an appointment to talk with him about this? I was chosen for this job based on my experience and skill and I believe that what I wear should not matter as long as I do my job." -CRAZY GIRL IN CONSERVATIVE CLOTHES
Dear Crazy Girl,
A:It is understandable that you feel the way you do. I'm sure you are a very qualified worker and it shouldn't matter how you dress. However, if your job requires more professional dress while you are in the office, you should adhere to the dress code.
Corporate offices generally establish dress codes for a purpose. Workplaces are supposed to be professional atmospheres. Businesses often believe there must be a certain level of respectability within their offices. You mentioned that your own co-workers were giving you odd looks. If they don't even respect you and take you seriously, how can you expect customers and clients to? This is likely the mentality that your superiors have, and the reason they want you to change your dress.
In this situation, you have to weigh what is more important: your job or your appearance. You are fighting a losing battle here, I'm sorry to say, simply because any reasoning would prove illogical. But is it really that much of a sacrifice? There's an appropriate time for everything, and if your office does not want you to dress out of its bounds, you're going to have to respect that. Picking a fight with your boss can not only cost you your dignity, but your job as well. Is it really worth it? Tuck away the makeup and outrageous accessories for Saturday night partying. While you're at the office, you're going to have to look, act, and dress the part of a professional. I know it pains you to kiss your unique look goodbye, but you don't have to use your appearance to prove anything. Continue to be the genuine individual you are, if not in looks, than shining in your personality.
-!-
Kelli,
Q:"I've been dating my boyfriend for about a month now and everything has been going fine until now. My parents want to meet him. That wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that he's goth. I'm not, and I have no problem with him being goth, but my parents will. Whenever I'm with my mom and we see goth people she makes rude comments about them. And my dad thinks they're all depressed and stuff. I know this is not true. My guy is wonderful! Should I tell my parents about him before they meet him? How can I convience them that my boy is not a bad person despite being goth?" -GOTH'S GAL
Dear Goth's Gal,
A:It's wonderful that you are willing to be open minded, but you can't expect the same of your parents. They have obviously fixed their minds on a set stereotype of what a "goth" is and it is not likely that they will be quick to change their minds.
You obviously think your boyfriend is a great guy, otherwise you wouldn't be with him. This meeting is the perfect opportunity not only to let him prove it to them, but also to debunk their beliefs as far as their prejudices go. Talk to your parents about the kind of person your boyfriend is. You do not have to tell them that he is goth. Simply tell him all the wonderful things about him, and the reasons why you like him. This way, they can form a positive mental image of him before meeting him. Upon seeing him, they might be a bit shocked, but if you get your boyfriend to talk to him, and you do as well, perhaps they will understand what you see in him.
Your boyfriend does not have to change his appearance in order to make your parents like him. They have to understand that you like him for all that he is, despite what they may believe about goths. If he can win the support of your parents, then that is a wonderful step. However, if your parents are totally unable to get off of their biases, then that is really their problem. The important thing is that you care about him, and he cares about you. In this situation, you can try to do all you can to convince them of what a great guy your boyfriend is and how much he cares for you and you for him. If it is that difficult for them to look past appearances to what really makes you happy, then that is simply an issue that will never be resolved. This is a sad reality, but ultimately, there is little you can do about it if you parents will not listen to reason.
Good luck with the meeting.
-!-
To ask Kelli for advice to your problem, email her at adviceplease@infected_zine.zzn.com.