Santa Singh is buying a TV. Do you have color TVs?" "Sure."
Give me a green one, please."
Santa Singh calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
Just a sec," says the rep. Thank you."
says the Santa Singh and hangs up.
EMPLOYMENT..
Our Santa Singh was filling up an application form for a job.
He promptly filled the columns titled
NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected"
: He was not sure as to what
to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes
Santa Singh took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere
in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it because he was
getting complaints like �Saala phone
utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
* * * * *
Santa Singh got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese"
when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Santa Singh read a newspaper,
it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
* * * * *
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get
into a double-decker bus . Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom
seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.
After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend
Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front
with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh !
What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my
ride down there ? Scared Banta replies.
"Yeah, but you've got a driver.*"
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him
what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt
and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone
I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! "
the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ....what happened to your other
ear?" "The scoundrel called back."
***********
A Santa Singh buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to
claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Santa Singh says, "I want my 20 lakhs."
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh
today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 weeks."
The Santa Singh said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it
and I want it."
Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and
the rest during the next 19 weeks.
The Santa Singh, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money!
If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my five
rupees back!"
-=-=-=-=-=-
Santa Singh walked up to the front desk of the library and said,
"I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever read.
There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone
book."
-=-=-=-=-=-
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was OUR
Santa Singh, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided
to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon
that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief
asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?". The Jewish man answered without
hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same
question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief
thanked the man who then left. Finally the Santa Singh arrived for his
interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a
long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The
chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Santa Singh arrived
home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Pat came the reply, "Great,
I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
-=-=-=-=-=-
These days Santa Singh does'nt sleeps with his wife because he says it is
wrong to sleep with a married woman
-=-=-=-=-=-
Banta Singhs boss was always irritated by him, Coz Banta Singh was
a major liar. Banta Singh used to claim that he knew Bill Clinton,
Atal Bihari Vajaypee, The Pope etc... SO one day his boss decided to
test him. He asked Banta Singh to take him to Vajaypee. Banta took
him to Delhi and visited Vajaypee at his residence. Vajaypee personally
welcomed Banta and asked him to stay for lunch.Not still convinced his
boss asked to meet Bill Clinto. In the White House , Bill Clinton was
excited to see Banta and took him to the Oval Room. He knew Banta like
childhood friends. The boss still not convinced asked Banta to take him
to meet the Pope. In rome the Pope appeared in front of thousands of
visitors at his balcony on the third floor, Banta not able to get attention
from the Pope, decides to go to the balcony
where Pope was standing. Banta asks his boss to wait. In 5 minutes he
sufaces on the balcony next to the Pope. The pope greets and hugs him.
Suddenly he notices his Boss collapsed on the ground. On the way to the
hospital he asks his boss, "What Happened?" his boss replies, " Everything
was fine..Untill when u surfaced next to the Pope, A man standing next to
me, asked, Who is that man standing next to Banta Singh??? "
-=-=-=-=-=-
Santa Singh wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more
than 100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his
friend to help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the
mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell
the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly.The Santa Singh
liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired
whether he was able to dispose off his car. Santa Singh replied,
"Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!
-=-=-=-=-=-
Once upon a time, Santa Singh was working in a circus and suddenly one of
the lions broke off the cage. everyone was panicking and so the manager
decided to ask our bold sardarji to solve this problem. so he let him in.
now, as soon as samtasingh entered in the lion roared after him in hunger.
so our
samtaji sat into the jeep and raced at top speed. soon to his fate he
discovered that the lion was just after him. just ahead there came a
diversion so sardarji gave the indicator left and turned right, and luckily
the lion went left. but soon after this again he joined the main road and
the lion was after him, so this time he gave the indicator for right and
turned left, and so did the lion. getting very happy at his cleverness,
the sardar laughed. but after a few minutes again he joined the main road
and the lion was after him. this time there was no diversion ahead.
so our samtaji stopped the jeep and waved the lion to go in front of him
as if to overtake.and the lion even did this. moral of the story:-
"there are some sardar species in lions too."
-=-=-=-=-=-
We're almost there," said the Santa Singh to Banta Singh. "See those two
houses over there... mine's the one in the middle!"
-=-=-=-=-=-
Why does Santa Singh keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Santa Singh, a japanese, and a britisher were lost in the desert. They were
driving around in a Jeep when it broke down,because they had nothing else
they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their
journey. The japanese took the radiator, the britisher took the seat,
and the Santa Singh took the door. After a while of walking the britisher
asked the japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid."
Next the Santa Singh asked the britisher "Why did you bring the seat?"
So the britisher said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand.
I can sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the japanese asked the
Santa Singh why he had chosen the door. The sardar quickly responded to
this question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the
window."
-=-=-=-=-=-
Did you hear about the Santa Singh who asked his friends to give him
all their burnt out light bulbs?
He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom
-=-=-=-=-=-
Once Santa Singh sat to shit, and on the door inside the toilet was
written , "Congratulations!!! You have won yourself a free ticket
for An amazing tennis match, for your ticket please look at your left",
and on the left wall was written , "look at your right", and on the
right wall was written , "look at your left ".
-=-=-=-=-=-
Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of their parents
achievements to each other.
Santa singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta singh : Yes, I have.
Santa singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?
Santa singh : Yes, I have.
Banta singh : Well, my father killed it
-=-=-=-=-=-
Santa Singh comes from the war,after being awau from his wife for
3 years...he is greeted by her and his new 8 month old baby boy.
Santa Singh joy is unlimited and knows no bounds, but suddenly ,
he turn to her and asks,"how did you manage that? to have my son when
i haven't seen you in over 3 years?" The wife, on realising she might
be exposed thinks and says" you weren't there, but i had your picture
didnt i? i managed with it". Santa Singh seems satisfied till he turn
around and says,"but love, the picture was only of my face!"
-=-=-=-=-=-
Before going to Europe on business, a Santa Singh drove his Rolls-Royce
to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of
$5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral.
"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the sardar said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's
underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the Santa Singh walked through the bank's doors,
and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.
"That will be $5,000 in principal, and $20.30 in Interest", the loan
officer said. The Santa Singh wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out
you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The sardar smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan
for two weeks and pay only $20.30?
-=-=-=-=-=-
Once a Hindu, Muslim and our dear Santa Singh are standing when a
Britisher comes and asks "Hey guys what are your favorite flowers?
Hindu: "Lotus"
Britisher: "Ha I clean my shit with that!"
Hindu is surprised and angry as lotus being our national flower.
Muslim: "Chameli"
Britisher: "Ha I clean my shit with that!"
Muslim also surprised and angry.
Britisher: "sardarji and what is your favorite flower?"
Patriotic Santa: "CACTUS! ab kar le saaf."
.
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