| THESE JOKES ARE FUNNY SPECIALLY SELECTED BY ME. SOME OF THESE JOKES ARE LONG AND COMPLICATED SO MAKE SURE ALL YOU DUMB PEOPLE DONT GET AN INFORMATION OVERLOAD. !!!YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY A young man wanted to buy a gift for his girlfriend's birthday, they had not been together very long so he thought long and hard before remembering that on their last date she had complained that her hands were cold. So he decided on a pair of gloves, not too personal at this stage of their relationship, but thoughtful nonetheless. Accompanied by his girlfriend's sister he went to Harrods and bought a stylish pair of dainty white gloves. At the same time the sister bought a pair of knickers for herself and they both asked for them to be gift-wrapped. Unfortunately the shop assistant mixed the items up and the guy left with the gift wrapped for his girlfriend's sister and she left with the gloves. The boyfriend decided to deliver the present in person. When he arrived at his girlfriend's house she wasn't in. So instead he left the following, thoughtful note along with the present at her front door: "I hope you like your present, I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evenings. Had it not been for your sister, I would have chosen some long ones with white buttons, but she wears short ones as they are easier to pull off. These are a delicate shade and the shop assistant showed me the pair she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours and although a little tight they looked really smart. She told me that the material helps keep her ring clean and shiny and in fact she hasn't had to wash it since wearing them. I wish you had been here so that I could have put them on for you as no doubt many hands will touch them before I have the chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow into them, as they will be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will be holding them in my hand over the coming year. I hope that you will wear them for me on Friday night. PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing." |
Final Exam The final examination for an English class was two hours long and exam booklets were provided. The teacher was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, Little Johnny came rushing in and asked the teacher for an exam booklet. "You`re not going to have time to finish this," the teacher stated sarcastically as he handed him a booklet. "Yes I will," replied Little Johnny. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the teacher called for the exams, and all the students filed up and handed them in except Johnny, who continued writing. Fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny came up to the teacher who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don`t, I`m not going to accept that. It`s late." Little Johnny looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?" "No, as a matter of fact I don`t," replied the teacher. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Little Johnny said again. "No, and I don`t care." replied the teacher with an air of superiority. "Good," replied Little Johnny, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room. |
Technical fault A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer were all being led to the guillotine to be executed. They ask the priest if he wants to face upward or downward when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to die face up, so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest. Next, the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. So they release the drunkard as well. The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says, "Hey, I see what your problem is!" |
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