| From Inside my mind... |
| I thought I�d try to get on without you. But damnit, these last few days, all I�ve thought about is you. You seem to be doing fine without me these days. I hope I occassionally haunt your thoughts. Hell, all I hope is that you think about me. Does the thought of me ever make you regret the past? I�ve run out of regret for the past we�ve shared. Heh, technically we didn�t even share it. I admit, my timing was bad, probably a year late at most. What bugs me the most is that you�re the complete opposite of all the guys I�ve ever wanted. I want to know what ever it is you did to make me want you, so I can master it. Getting guys to like me has been pretty tough. If you�ve moved on, then I�m happy for you. But. I�ll never forget you: the first mistake I made by kepping my mouth shut. |
| Remember? Why are you upset with me? You seem to think that I did something wrong. You said you didn't like me like that. I moved on. Isn't that what I was supposed to do? Your friend and I fell in love, or at least I think we did. You were mad at me.... Why? You didn't like me like that.... Remember? You said, "No." So what did I do wrong? How did I make you mad? I think you helped induce our break-up. But, no, you couldn't have been jealous... what was there to be jealous of? You didn't like me like that. Friends were what you wanted to be, but I didn't even get that. You said I rubbed it in your face...I didn't. It shouldn't have bothered you. After all, you didn't like me like that. |
| Him He calmly walks on stage. Takes a sip of water from the sweaty glass sitting isolated on the green padded chair. He steps slowly to the microphone in front of me. Sitting in my chair, I wait, oblivious as to what is about to happen. With one hand, he grabs the microphone. From the moment the words came from his lips I was amazed. This inane amount of energy exudes from this person whom I've never met, yet feel some how a part of. All this truth and reality is thrown in my face. He gets up on stage, and blows everyone away. His words full of meaning-inspiration. His voice, intent on drilling his words into our brains, making an impact on us, changing us. As he speaks, his words seem to be directed at me, as if he's speaking to me. Everything seems to disappear as the room hazes over with smoke, not liking it, but too focused to care, I shift in my chair. The light above him casts a yellow glow about him. The space around him grows darker. The poem ends. |
| Miss you I miss your touch. I miss the feel of your arms around me. I miss the way you cared for me, though how crazy I thought it was. Through the times I pushed you away, it turns out that, you were the one I should have chose, you were the one I really needed, you were the one I actually wanted. It seems like forever since I've seen you, month or two at least. When the thought of you comes to mind, tears form, but convinced that I shouldn't cry, they never leave my eyes. I miss the way you held me in your arms. I miss the way that you had to hug me every time you saw me, and every time you left. I miss the way you seemed so nervous around me. I miss you. |
| Mystery You say I should figure you out. There's so much mystery to you. Why must you be such a tough puzzle to link? I was in awe of you when I first met you. But I don't really know you. I would like to, but you make that such a difficult task for me. It seems you're missing a few pieces. What is there that you're afraid I'll find? All I want in you is a friend. Why can't you let me have that? So I have the same name of a girl you hate. Ever stop and realize that I'm not her? Does it make any sense to deprive me of your friendship because of the shitty way she treated you? |
| Unworthy I stand staring into his soft green eyes. He comes closer to say, "I love you." I push him away. Not knowing what to do, I run. It seems that all I can do is run, never express myself... no, something good may come of it, and some thing good that I don't feel I deserve. Why must I be afraid? Why must I feel unworthy? What is there that I can't confront? Rejection? Maybe, but there's something else. |
| Would it have mattered? I bet you didn�t know how much I cared for you. I�m not sure it would have mattered, you really wanted to go. I remember the day that I found out what happened. I had been wondering just that day what you were up to. I was more upset than anything else. I couldn�t believe. It made me think, �Maybe life isn�t that great after all, only good people die.� I know none of this is true, but I had to have some sort of excuse to make it all better. I can�t ever cry about you, someone always thinks that something is wrong. No one seems to care that you are gone. It pisses me off to think so. I know I wasn�t the only one to love you. Tears break the surface as I write this to you. I wish you were here for me to talk to, to tell me why you wanted to go, to leave me with something more than, �He�s gone, there�s nothing we can do about it.� Make me feel better about this. Tell me that it�s ok. Let me know that you will find me again one day. I often wonder what your new body would look like. I like the old one, I thought it was beautiful. Heh, I know that sounds weird, but it went with the rest. I looked up to you belive it or not. Leaving like you did left me devastated. I walked around without the awareness of anything. I know you will come back. But fuck, Jamie, why did you have to leave now, so soon? I liked the way you were I liked the body you were in. I�m just sorry you didn�t. |
| A lot of these are really old... but there are a few scattered new ones. Enjoy... |