THE HOPELESS:  People will always find something to bitch about.  To paraphrase Mounopano, if Blizzard invented a cure for cancer, people would bitch that they didn't do enough to make the needle not hurt.  The Alt-Tab issue is the newest on the hit list, and here is it's most idiotic champion.

Subject: your dumb fu<ker mylti tasking is good (if you are faint of stomach, stop reading here)
From: typan
Source: Diablo 2 Beta Buzz
Number of Misspellings: 4
Moron-O-Meter:  

                         i allways have winamp on when i play games and the whole
                   idea of taking away alt tab is just dumb if they do make hack you
                   dont think there will be a alt tab hack too?

                       last of all im able to have icq on when i use online game now
                   i dont see how i could get messages if they take away alt tab and
                   thats just dumb...

It seems that the apostrophe is an elusive mystery to these people.  They also don't seem to consider themselves important enough to capitalize their "I".  Personally, I tend to agree with that part.


THE REPEAT OFFENDER:  Just to prove that the first Eluminate post wasn't a fluke, and that yes, this guy really is an idiot, here is the second from the line up.  This makes Eluminate one of the first to get two posts listed here, making him truly the Best of the Worst.

Subject: BRETHREN HEAR ME!!!! UNITE!!!!! read plz
From: Eluminate
Source: Inferno's Player Killer Forum
Number of Misspellings: 4
Moron-O-Meter:  

I fear the only way to make any changes to lift the restrictions that blizzard made is not to buy the game. Its the
only way that we could change their mind. If their profits drop 10-6 percent below projected they will probably lift
the tp rule. If we truly want change we must take action and unite ourselves as consumers and boycott the
product until changes that suit us are made.
We might be in minority but if we scream louder we will be heard...
UNITED ALL PKS & AND COOPS WHO ARE REALISTS AND
ENJOY CHALLENGE AND ADRENALIN SURGES WE WILL SHOW BLIZZARD WHO IS BOSS, BY NOT
BUYING THE GAME TILL THEY GIVE IN ...
Suggestion create a pledge section where people would pledge not to buy the game until blizz makes the
suitable changes and spread the word unite the people... (add the pledge to the menu with a counter how many
people signed it)and send updates to blizz :) if we get a lot of response
if they restricted tp what will they restrict next...

You heard correctly, apparently this guy believes that there isn't enough whining  going on!


AND ON THE OTHER SIDE:  To be fair to all, here is the perfect example of an idiot co-opper.  When Inferno posts about all Co-oppers being idiots who only insult PK'ers, these are the kinds of people they are referring to.

Subject: INFERNO!!! --> infaggo
From:  Mortificator
Source: Diablo 2 Beta Buzz
Number of Misspellings:  13
Moron-O-Meter:  

                   if one of u try to f-ck me up i swear i will search for u for a
                   year and every char u have will be killed! and with that i take
                   ya money items etc...and wanna bet that u see me the next time
                   after i killed u start run around screaming for ya mom and CRY
                   little boy.. mummie that mister tries to tease me again ... say
                   something... that'll be something for inferno,,, crying for their
                   mummie...

                   pathetic,... little, immature @%^@$#%....

                   and i agree with some others; do not try to piss others off just
                   becoz u got cranky becoz some1 put u in a locher for some time...

                   live with it ... beat him up instead of blaming us becoz when i
                   see a INFERN0 he will be the hunted... and i now that some others
                   feel the same way so we are not the ones who are gonna get killed
                   BUT THE INFAGGO CLAN WILL BE!

Apparently he doesn't realize he's talking about PK'ing in this post.  After reading this post, I'm sorely tempted to join Inferno.


THE ABHORRENT:  This is the worst PK post I have ever read.  Look well folks, this is probably the only post you will ever see that actually puts Inferno in a worse light than it already is.

Subject:  You don't want PKing...NP you will have...
From: FireStarter(INFERNO)
Source:  Diablo 2 Beta Buzz
Number of Misspellings: 2
Moron-O-Meter 

                   Me joining every co-op adventuring party just to piss you
                   off...always staying behind and while they are killing monsters
                   I'm going to pick up ever freaken item that is droped from the
                   monsters...And guess what..You can't do sh.it about it...well
                   unless you want PKing to be easier that is? You got to make a
                   decision people...We are going to be there either way...would you
                   rather encourage all the hackers again to work hard and long to
                   figure out ways to kill people and Ruin the Bnet again...would
                   you rather have lame masses of annoying players that play co-op
                   games just to pi.ss you off or would you rather have a well
                   balanced game where you have both sides of the coin. Good and
                   Evil?

                   FS

Obviously Firestarter doesn't give a shit about PK'ing at all.  PvP does not give him the least bit of thrill.  It is only when he ruins other peoples good time that he gets a kick.  This is the kind of person that keys peoples cars or defaces public monuments.  There should be a death camp for people like him.


THE FATAL:  Warning reading this post will cause severe brain hemorrhaging and suicidal tendencies, proceed at your own risk

Subject:  UR TAKING RANDOM POSSIBLILITIES AWAY PLZ CHANG (from here, it only gets worse!)
From:  Eluminate
Source: Diablo 2 Beta Buzz Forum
Number of Misspellings: 17 (that's 17 including his name.  My God)
Moron-O-Meter 

                   \no surprises no random possibilities we get from gettin
                   \unwanted visitors will exist in this kind of tp system ...
                   its common sense if a tunnel is open u can go thru it no matter
                   what ur intentions are why did u make it blizzard that when uturn
                   hostile u cant go thru those hostile to u tps u should be able to
                   cause THEY ARE TUNNELS ...

                    TPS SHOULD BE ACCESSABLE BY ALL IN GAME HOSTILE AND NON HOSTILES
                   ALIKE IT WOULD BE FAIR * IF U LEAVE IT OR SEND IT TO A PERSON ITS
                   LIKE OPENING A DOOR THEY GO THRU NO MATTER WHAT THEIR INTENTIONS
                   ARE * ARGH@@@ BRING IT BACK MAKE IT GoOD we think that the town
                   portal feature if u turn hostile should still be accesed by the
                   hostile chars due to fairnes "ITS A GATE DAMMIT AND OPEN
                   TUNNEL U CANT DENY ENTRY PLZ CHANGE IT BACK"

Does it ever seem like some of these people just randomly flip through a dictionary and type what they find.  However, with all these misspellings -a new world record- I can't believe that's what happened.  Do these people ever read what they type?  Do they ever feel ashamed of themselves?  How can a just God allow this to happen?  I can't answer these questions.


THE STONED:  Though this person claims not to have tried narcotics, it is perfectly clear that the repeated throttling of his head has produced the same effect.

Subject:  Poll: WHo here tried/uses Marejuana/Pot/LSD
From:  Crazy Demon
Source: The War Room
Number of Misspellings:  9
Moron-O-Meter: 

                   ect.
                   My personal opinion on that kind of drugs is really negative. I
                   mean they say that sigarets are bad and seriously addictive
                   drugs: pot/LSD/Marejuana are good. Come on, you can always qutit
                   smoking/drinking, its virtually imposible to quit using mentioned
                   above drugs withot medical help.

                    I newer used/will use Marejuana or any crack like that.
                   Just wanna know your opinion who ever tried or /uses it right now.
                   You can probably fit the main idea in teh subject line.

...wow.  So this is the end result of the D.A.R.E. project.  Every time I read a post this stupid, I die a little.


THE CONFUSING:  This person makes a point of saying that he doesn't want to waste a post with a flame.... and yet, here it is.

Subject:  flames all around you (again, the irony is killing me)
From: that Australian dude
Source: Diablo 2 Beta Buzz Forum
number of misspellings: 1
Moron-O-Meter: 

                   I would love to flame you right now but i dont want to waste one
                   of my 2 posts for the hour, so instead ill just say this

                   I am going to pk every person I see in this stress test, if you
                   see me run to town sissy coz im after you

Where is the Town Sissy?  Is he like the Town Drunk, or the Local Oaf?  I don't know, and I don't care.  Way to go Australian dude, you have set a new record.  Making an entire continent look bad.


THE ANNOYING:  When do idiots really look like idiots?  When they attack smart people who devote their time and energy to try and enlighten them.  Remember Martin Luther King Jr. and the Klan?  How about Ghandi and the Brits?  Now it's Wizard and T'kron.

Subject:  t'kron please shut up, your answers suck!!
From: wizard
Source: Diablo 2 Beta Buzz Forum
Number of Misspellings: 0
Moron-O-Meter: 

                   at the beginning of the beta he said that the closed beta will
                   last at least 10 weeks

                   i think i don´t have to say anything more

                   wizard

Nope, you really don't have to say anymore, you've proven yourself a moron quite effectively in two phrases.  I say phrases because you seem to abhor proper punctuation.  Even though T'kron was joking when he said that, does this guy really want the beta to last 10 weeks?


THE THICK HEADED:  Way to go, Great Sob, it only took you four months to catch the news.  Unfortunately, it appears that he didn't have any major improvements in brain capacity in that time.

Subject:  IF ARENAS ARE TAKEN OUT I HATE D2!!!!!!!!
From:  Crazy_Sob
Source: Diablo 2 Beta Buzz Forum
Number of Misspellings: 2 (Not counting the nonsense in the middle)
Moron-O-Meter 

                   If arenas are taken out of Diablo 2 im going to have to think
                   twice about buying diablo 2 because it just keeps getting worse
                   and worse if it takes another month i dont care.  And Pk
                   Prevention wtf is that dont bother with it pking is fun :).
                   Arenas were going to make Diablo 2 stand out and shine above all
                   the other RPG'S SO BLIZZARD GET IN GEAR AND GET MAKING THOSE DAMN
                   ARENAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                   -----------------------------------------------------------
                   :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P
                   PPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
                   ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
                   !
Will someone please explain what the hell is going on with the last part of this message?  This helps to demonstrate more than anything else, the sheer effectiveness of Lithium.


THE HOLY:  Do you ever get those puny little religious runts handing out tracts at your doorstep?  Ever wanted to know what that looked like online?  Well here you go!

Subject: To All PlayerKillers in here!
From: MarkO
Source:  The Diablo 2 Open Forum
Number of Misspellings: 0
Moron-O-meter 

You folks are tormented and wicked individuals that need to go to church more maybe than once you get to hear
the teaching of our lord Jesus you will realize what mischief you are causing to other people. Remember love
your brothers help them not kill them...even in the computer game. That’s all.

I must side with the PK's this time.  I honestly hope they kill this person, and I mean actually kill him.  I hope they discover a way to resurrect his carcass after he is gone, to kill him again.  I think, that if there is a God, these kinds of people piss him off.  If there is a devil, he must mock God ceaselessly whenever they get together, because at least HIS followers are cool looking.

THE WORST:  Wow, I absolutely can not fathom the raw power of this kid's idiocy.  To think, that he may someday achieve prominence in our society makes me want to run out and open up my wrists with a broken pop bottle.

Subject:  I WANT OPEN BETA
From:  CRAZYONE
Source: Diablo 2 Beta Buzz Forum
Number of misspellings: 3
Moron-O-Meter 

                   I WANT OPEN BETA A BETA THAT CAN BE PLAYED BY_ AL THE ONE THAT
                   ARE NOT FRIENDS OF BLIZARD AND SO HAVE NT GET THE BETA!!

Boy, thanks kid!  I'm sure Al will be most pleased that you have gone to such lengths for him!  Whoever the fuck Al is.  In one sentence Crazyone has managed to break all laws of decency when it comes to posting.  If you ever wanted to know how to make sure people never, ever took you seriously again, here it is.


THE ORGASMIC:  There are only two kinds of people who post in all caps:  Those in the throws of some sort of cyber orgasm, or idiots.  You decide where our friend Raistlin falls.  Though the good money is on idiot.

subject: BLIZZ. UR TAKING WAY TO LONG END THIS BETA!
From:  Raistlin Majere
Source:  Diablo 2 Beta Buzz Forum
number of misspellings: 5
Moron-O-Meter 

                   I MEAN COME ON THE GAME IS NOT GONNA COME OUT PERFECT REGARDLESS
                   THATS WHAT PATCHES ARE MADE FOR NO GAME HAS EVER COME OUT PERFECT
                   RIGHT OUT OF THE BOX SO STOP MAKING US DIE HARD FANS WAIT ANY
                   LONGER AND RELEASE THE GOD FORESAKEN GAME ALREADY! CLOSED BETA
                   SHOULD NEVER TAKE THIS LONG AND THE OPEN BETA EVEN LESS REASON
                   BEING ITS ONLY STRESS TESTING THE SERVERS NOTHING MORE UVE
                   DELAYED THIS GAME TO ITS LIMIT AND WE THE FANS THAT WASTE OUR
                   HARD EARNED MONEY TO BUY UR PRODUCTS ARE GETTING VERY UPSET WITH
                   THESE DELAYS!

Yep, I guess idiot wins by a nose.  Not only is this person stupid, he (she?) seems to be suffering from A.D.H.D.  Dr. Incubus recommends two Ritalin, and a board with a nail driven through it.


THE NONSENSICAL:  Try reading this post for me, see if you can glean anything that remotely resembles a coherent thought.

Subject:  I'm waiting for DIABLO II For two jears now!!
From: Johannes Gürth
Source: Diablo 2 Beta Buzz Forum
number of misspellings: 4
Moron-O-Meter 
                   Hello everyone,
                   My name is Jogi, in diablo battlenet I#m Known as +WASSALL+
                   or Grey_Raven!!
                   Why do ya move the release termine (?!) of DiabloII since two years?
                   In a magazine I've read that diablo II is already apeared,
                   in america.You sold 150 pieces, in neutral boxes, cant you find a
                   solution for the Diablo II Box???(!!)
                   Please mail back

                    THE JOGI

I guess we might be able to give him some points, because he's foreign.  That, however, still does not excuse the fact that he can apparently write two full sentences and manage to say nothing at all.


THE PATHETIC:  Yet another example of PK spam.  I know I shouldn't post too much of it, but God damn it, it's just so fucking stupid

Subject:  Wimp mortal fools afraid of PKs
From:  Charlie
Source: Diablo 2 Beta Buzz Forum
number of misspellings: 3
Moron-O-Meter 

                   Hey mortals, if you are scared of Pks then you are lame.  You
                   already can't loose your equip.  Home lamer can it get.  I don't
                   pk, but I'm about to just to get back at all your whining fools..
                    you are fanning the flames that are buring yourself..

Go ahead, read through this post a couple more times, just to take in how stupid it is.  Also, I don't remember anyone saying anything about being scared of PK's.  I remember people saying it was annoying, and that it no longer worked thanks to the F/N/H system, but not that anyone was afraid.  To quote our friend Charlie "Home lamer can it get."


THE BITTER:  Here's a little reply that Icemaker wrote to one of my posts.  It perfectly displays the typical PK frame of mind now that they've lost their advantage:  Bitter Fucking Asshole.

Subject:  So what?
From: Icemaker (INFERNO)
Source:  United Player Killers Federation (Inferno's) Forum
number of misspellings: 0
Moron-O-meter: 

If we won't be able to change blizzard's mind about it...its already more on our part what your sorry ass have ever
done. All I see you and your friends do is talk mindless BS all the time...we at least talk about issues that involve
the whole multiplier community.

Apparently the whole multiplayer community is the 20 odd people that post on the PK forum.  Also, the many issues that effect the community are:  PK'ing.... and that's it

If you don't agree it's your opinion just stay out of our way co-oper. Have no
second thoughts about it I don't like you, and if I can't kill you I will at least ruin your game.

Here it is, PK'ers in all their glory.  "If I can't kill you, I'll at least ruin your game."  So much for all those arguments about PKing being a noble tradition, eh Ice?

Now go back to Diablo Beta Joke forum and start kissing ass to all those irrelevant 12 year old kids that want to make a pokemon adventure game out of diablo….you are no batter than the rest of them and you fit right in.

To quote Dungeon Keeper 2, "To hear their singing turned to screaming has been a joy to my ears."  Icemaker reminds me of a bully who has just been beaten up by a kid's older brother, and can't do shit about it.  Mmmm, I can almost taste the impotence.


THE INSANE:  I sure hope this was a joke, nay, I offer up my flayed soul to whatever God that rules over heaven, praying that this is a joke.

Subject:COOL DIABLO II IDEAS
From:  SUPERMADAM
Source: The Diablo 2 Beta Buzz Forum
Number of misspellings: 9
Moron-O-Meter  (assuming it's a joke)
Moron-O-Meter  (assuming it's not)
                   i know i cool idea

                   you should put overlords and hatcheries in diablo2, that way
                   people would care about it since no one has herad of the game
                   anyways but everyone plays starcraft because bgh is so cool and
                   you know thats the hwol epoint behind putting hatcheries and
                   overlords beacuse people will think its coaol with the overlords
                   all flying atruond and you get experience for killing them and
                   they could rdop items when you kill the like the blimp in duke
                   nukem when you shot it that was really cool.

That's right folks, it's all ONE SENTENCE.  If this is a joke, Supermadam did a fine fucking job with it... If not, I don't even want to think about what this means for the human race.


THE PERVERTED: That's just what I need, someone telling me how they get their rocks off on a gaming forum

Subject:  anyone have a fetish for panties
From:  xxx
source: The War Room
number of misspellings: 0
Moron-O-Meter  
                  i always think of sweet young or girlfriends' undies.

Is it ok to just shoot these people?

THE STUPID:  Here's another example of bad clan spam.  I know you've all seen it, and are sick of it.  But this is just a perfectly bad example of what not to do when starting a clan.

Subject:***[E]TERNAL***
From: Fear
Source:  The War Room
number of misspellings: 9
Moron-O-Meter 
                   [e]ternal is a great bnet clan with a lot of skilled players and
                   great leaders. If u wanna join us goto channel [e]ternal    and
                   believe me, this is 1 damn good clan that wont disapoint u.
                   We have tournies, Ranks, phat web page, and last but not least
                   lotsa highly skilled gamers.

 The lack of proper grammar, the misspellings, the flagrant use of the word phat.  It's all here.


THE WEIRD:  Apparently this AOLer's house is not the best place for animals of any species.

From: Malcom
Subject: Anyone flush a Hamster down a toilet?
Source:  The War Room
Number of Misspellings: 11
Moron-O-Meter 

                   I had a hamster once, it somehow got out of it's cage and  into the bathroom.
                  And it some how go into the toilet. Then my
                  dad came in, sat down, took a massive dump and flushed. He
                   reposted hearing sqeaking and called a plumber. He got it out and
                   it was almost dead (still alive) and back in the cage. The next
                   day it some how got out again wondered into the kitchen and it
                   some how got in the garbage disposal in the sink. oops, well that
                   the end of that. Poor hamster, or should I say hamster bits.

                   At least its not as bad as the time my dad sat on the cat (hes a
                   large man) and not only sufficated it but cracked it spine and
                   basically crushed it.

                   My sister had a mouse once. It disappeared one day and we could
                   find it until we found my brother with a tail in his mouth with
                   blood. Yes, he actually ate the mouse.

                   And last but not least, we had rats once, before we started
                   cleaning our house, and my mom was cooking a stew and a rat fell
                   into the pot. When my served, my dad, thinking it was a chunk of
                   meat sucked down, only  noticing it was a rat when everyone
                   noticed the skinny hairless tail sticking from his mouth as he
                   shewed and cruched it and then swallored spitting out bones of
                   course, not caring that it was a rat and a normal part of the
                   stew.

                   Now we setup these huge rat traps all over the place. Niebor
                   keeps complaining though, something about her cats keep geting in
                   them and daying. One of them caught neibor Joes pop bellied pig
                   and it was half-way into chewing off it trapped limb when it bled
                   to death. Bacon and ham anyone?

 That's just what I want to hear about after eating a pulled pork sandwich.1

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