In a valiant effort (well, for me, anyway) to further bring the various members of our fine (cough) group together, I have decided to plagiarize several portions of Dave Barry’s Only Travel Guide You’ll Ever Need. The following is a fantastic compilation that discusses many of the finer points of the home (and adopted) States and Nations of our fine (cough) members. If you feel that I have somehow made an error in any of the following passages (as IF), feel free to email me. (insert email addy here, Roger) Also, if you find that your name is missing from the section, it’s either because I don’t know where you live or because I just don’t like you. Ha ha! No, seriously, folks. If you were left off, let me know, and I’ll do my best to placate your whining, sniveling little ass.

First, being as how California is both the best State in the Union and the home of Blizzard Entertainment (and, of course, Blizzard North), we’ll start here…

Member(s): Hot Lips, Shaidar Haran, X-Slayer

The Nation’s most populous state, California truly lives up to its dynamic nickname, "The Nation’s Most Populous State," with enough uniformed parking valets in Los Angeles alone to conquer Eastern Europe. Southern California also boasts more than 57 billion convenient miles of freeway and many fascinating places to visit, although we frankly have no idea which exit you take to get to them. But you should definitely try to find Universal Studios, where you can get a "behind-the-scenes" look at an actual working amusement park, including a terrifying ride where, in the climactic finale, you are attacked by a realistic fourteen-ton animated replica of Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Visitors to Northern California will definitely want to visit Wine Country, where they can snork down a couple dozen free samples and then go experience the dry heaves amidst the awesome towering grandeur of the giant redwoods, which are the oldest living things on Earth that are not members of the Grateful Dead. And of course no trip to Northern California would be complete without a visit to San Francisco, whose romantic charm inspired the immortal Tony Bennet song, "Don’t Mess with my Toot Toot." Be sure to join several tons of carbohydrate-bloated tourists for a safe ride on a quaint cable car, lurching up quaint "hills" that are actually 800-foot vertical drops as the cable-car driver dings the quaint little bell, sending out the cheerful message "ding-a-ding-ding," which is code for: "Look out, my cable is badly frayed."

California’s State Blender Setting is puree.

Member(s): Idahochick (displaced)

Idaho is probably best known for being the state where my wife, Beth, ate an entire strawberry pie in a diner parking lot. This occurred in 1974 when we were driving across the country and found ourselves in a city called "Pocatello," which had a sign that made the proud boast:

POCATELLO: "Crossroads of the Interstates"

So, we stopped at a diner there and ate a huge breakfast. We eat a lot on long trips because we feel that our bodies are less likely to become bored if they can pass the time converting food into fat. We plan our itinerary around meals ("Do you want to see the Grand Canyon?" "Does it have a snack bar?"), and our travel memories tend to focus on food to the exclusion of all other factors ("Remember Asia?" "Yes! Those little fish rolls!").

So, we ate a vast breakfast at this diner, and on our way out Beth noticed that they had fresh-baked strawberry pies for sale, and so naturally she bought one, her reasoning being that Idaho was still basically a wilderness area and there might not be any other food in it. Her plan was to save the pie until we really desperately needed it, say in fifteen miles or so, but when we go into our car, she decided she’d better sample it, in case it was defective. I was maneuvering the car out of the parking space, and I heard this unusual noise – a combination of ecstatically passionate moan and industrial vacuum cleaner -- and when I looked over, the entire pie was gone. Vanished, before we even got to the street. Seventeen years later, the memory of that pie still brings a dynamic sparkle to Beth’s eye that is rarely there when she looks at me, or even Kevin Costner. Idaho’s Official State Chemical Element is helium.

Member(s): Mister EZ, ‘99~3000GT (displaced), Veldrane

Illinois is "The Land of Lincoln," and the memory of "Honest Abe" is so deeply revered there that as recently as 1983 he was elected lieutenant governor. Illinois is also the nation’s largest soybean-producing state, although nobody knows what happens to the soybeans after they’re grown. You never see them for sale. We think the farmers just harvest them and throw them away.

The largest city in Illinois is, of course, Chicago, which proudly refers to itself as "The City with a Great Big Butt." This dynamic metropolis began as a tiny trading post in the 1600’s, when trappers would paddle canoes filled with animal pelts down the Chicago River, then throw them into Lake Michigan, because by then they smelled awful. During World War II scientists started the first controlled nuclear reaction at the University of Chicago. At least it has been under control so far. Some days it gets a little frisky, which is why a lot of smart Illinois residents also maintain residences in Guam. Today Chicago boasts the Sears Tower, which is so tall that occupants on the top floor sometimes have to phone the street level to find out what the weather’s like "down there!" These occupants have had a lot to drink.

Member(s): Bigun

Although it is now covered with agriculture, Kansas at one time was very historic. It was the on-scene location of the "Wild West," where "longhorn" riding "six-shooters" used to "rustle up" some "varmints." This era eventually ended due to a shortage of quotation marks, but Kansans are still proud of their state’s rough-and-tumble tradition, and will often greet a stranger by warmly breaking a chair over his head. Kansas also contains manufacturing and tumbleweeds, which are plants that form themselves into giant balls that roll across the prairie and burst into your motel room at night, which is why the American Automobile Association recommends that you always sleep with a weed whacker.

Member(s): Washu

Massachusetts (also an Indian word meaning "place that is hard to spell") is one of the most historic states in the union, which is why each year tens of visitors flock there, only to be killed in traffic. In Boston, the drivers refuse to obey even the laws of physics. This is the only place in the United States where the Driver’s Manual actually shows you how to give people the finger.

But potential death is a small price to pay for the opportunity to visit the many Massachusetts historic sites that played such a vital role in the formation of our nation – sites such as Plymouth Rock, where the Pilgrims, grateful to have survived a difficult three-month sea crossing, knelt to throw up; and the steeple of the Old North Church, from which silversmith Paul Revere flashed the message that started the Revolutionary War ("Your silverware order is not ready yet"). Massachusetts is also the site of the nation’s first college, Harvard, which for more than three centuries has produced graduates who, no matter what their philosophical differences, are all dedicated to the lofty goal of subtly letting you know that they went to Harvard. They never mention it directly. What they do is constantly work the name "Cambridge" into the conversation. You’ll say "Nice day," and they’ll say "Yes! We had days like this in Cambridge!" Or you’ll say "Pass the salt," and they’ll say "Certainly! I used to pass the salt in Cambridge!" The major industries of Massachusetts are having comical accents and expecting the Red Sox to screw up.

Member(s): Brave Sir Robin (Carolina)

These two dynamic states are usually grouped together because they both begin with "North." The major products of North Carolina are tobacco and enormous amounts of phlegm. North Carolina also contains the famous "Lost Colony;" ask anyone for directions. North Dakota offers a fascinating array of wheat; the least-crowded time to visit is February.

Member(s): Incubus reX

Ohio proudly calls itself "The Buckeye State," after the buckeye, a dynamic, hairless carnivorous nocturnal rodent that traps its prey by pretending to offer really good discounts on jewelry. The largest city in Ohio is Cleveland, which, after years of being the butt of many jokes, has risen to assume its rightful role among major American urban areas as the Future Home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. We personally visited this attraction, which consisted of an office containing numerous press releases and a model of What the Hall of Fame would look like if it ever got built. The model is about the size of a harmonica. We think it would be a shrewd move on Cleveland’s part to keep it on this scale, rather than building a full-size Hall of Fame, which would probably attract a lot of rowdy people going "WHOOO!" and throwing up on each other. Also, unlike a large building, the model can easily be placed in a briefcase and carried around the country for special events, parties, etc. ("Hey! Somebody sat on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!").

Other major Ohio cities include Akron ("The Rubber Capital of the World") and nearby Canton ("The Spermicidal Lubricant Capital of the World"). Ohio’s Official State Literary Device is the metaphor.

Member(s): Stafir

Although Tennessee is what geographers call "a long, skinny state," it was nevertheless able for many years to contain Elvis Presley, whose Memphis home, Graceland, draws millions of visitors to marvel at The King’s awesome legacy in the field of interior decoration, including a large room with a color scheme based entirely on digestive enzymes. Music lovers will also want to make a "beeline" for Nashville, home of the Grand Old Opera, which stages works by Wagner, Verdi, and Johnny Paycheck ("Take This Ring Trilogy and Shove It"). Tennessee also contains the Oak Ridge nuclear facility, where a 1957 laboratory mishap resulted in the Great Smoking Mountains. There are many other dynamic points of interest you’ll want to see, but be on the lookout for the Tennessee Valley Authority, which is a very large man named Earl M. Potash, Jr. Do exactly what he says.

Member(s): Rahl_Sot, ‘99~3000GT, Idahochick, Pixie and Dixie, The Hoz, Wundergore

Texas used to be the largest state, but because of Alaska, it no longer is. Texans are still very touchy about this, so you should be sensitive when you discuss it with them. "What a large state this is, despite being nowhere NEAR as large as Alaska!" is a sensitive remark you might want to make. Although today Texas is modern and, of course, dynamic, it is proud of its cowboy tradition, which can still be seen in the form of men wearing comical hats. One of the most important historical attractions is the Alamo, the famous San Antonio mission where, in 1836, a small, brave band of Texans formed the nation’s first car-rental franchise, which can still be seen today. Visitors are also welcome to the Lyndon B. Johnson Library, but they avoid it anyway. Texas also contains many scenic hills and rivers, although nothing like you see in Alaska (which is much larger than Texas). The Official State Symptom is irregularity.

Member(s): Mogons

Washington is nicknamed "The Evergreen State" because it sounds better than "The Incessant Nagging Drizzle State." The largest city, Seattle, is one of the nation’s most dynamic and fastest-growing urban areas, with thousands of people arriving each week to enjoy a lifestyle that includes an abundant natural supply of slugs. Mount Rainier, an extraordinarily beautiful volcanic peak some fifty miles from the city, blew up in 1963, but nobody in Seattle is aware of this yet because the weather has been pretty cloudy. Seattle also features a giant Space Needle, which is connected via a monorail to a giant Space Catheter. Washington’s Official State Battery Size is AAA.

Now, on to our foreign "friends," many of whom were allowed to use the ALE tag simply to avoid costly litigation. You know who you are…

Member(s): Tatia, Linger, STEvil, STORMBRINGER (deceased)

Although we hardly ever think about it except when a the TV weatherperson is showing us a cold air mass, Canada is actually a major country, with an area of more than 169 billion hectometers in longitude, and a bustling population of more than 27 million, if you include members of the wolverine family. There are also a number of humans living up there, and in many ways they have a lifestyle quite similar to ours, including such traditional American activities as driving Japanese cars. The major difference is that Canada is divided into to major linguistic groups – the English speakers and the French speakers – which have learned, over the course of over 300 years of cohabitation, to hate each other. The result is that everything in Canada has to be written in both English and French, which creates a hazardous situation because the two languages frequently disagree, as we can see from these actual Canadian signs:

STOP

------------------------

ALLEZ ("GO")

NO SPITTING

----------------------------------

HAWKEZ-VOUS UNE GRANDE

GOBBE TOUTE DE SUITE! ("EMIT A BIG LUNGER RIGHT NOW!")

Despite these differences, Canada has developed into an actual nation with cities, an economy, comical-looking money with beavers on it, etc.

What to See in Canada

Canada boasts numerous goose-infested lakes and several major cities that rival New York for sophistication, defined as lack of parking. There is also a Vast Arctic Wasteland where visitors are welcome to come and get lost and try to survive by eating their own parka linings. The Vast Arctic Wasteland is one of Canada’s ten provinces, the other ones being Toronto, Greenland, Quahog, Alberto, Pierre, Roberta, North Dakota, Manitoba (literally: "many tubas"), and the Yucatan. All of these provinces feature culture as well as hydroelectric power, and are well worth a visit. But the Canadian attraction that we rank highest of all, despite the fact that we have not technically been there in person, is the Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump. We are not making this attraction up. It’s an extremely historical site where, many years ago, Native American tribespersons used to kill buffalo by driving them off the edge of a cliff. According to the legend, one day a tribesperson decided to watch this event from under the cliff, and numerous buffalo landed on his head, which, as you are well aware, is generally fatal, and thus the site got its name: Total Moron Cliff. No, seriously, it really is called Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump, and the Canadian government has set up an interpretive centre there, and when we called it up, a person answered the phone as follows: "Head Smashed In, may I help you?" This was probably the highlight of our entire life.

England is one of four nations, along with Ireland, Scotland, and New Zealand, that make up the British Isles. England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English. Usually, however, when they get to the crucial part of a sentence they’ll use words that they made up, such as "scone" and "ironmonger." As a sophisticated traveler, you should learn some British words so you can avoid communication mixups, as is shown by these examples:

Example 1: The Unsophisticated Traveler:

English Waiter: May I help you?

Traveler: I’d like an inedible roll, please.

English Waiter: (confused) Huh?

Example 2: The Sophisticated Traveler

English Waiter: May I help you?

Traveler: I’d like an ironmonger, please.

English Waiter: Coming right up!

Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can be a very pleasant surprise to the connoisseur of severely overcooked livestock organs served in lukewarm puddles of congealed grease. England manufactures most of the world’s airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria. Some traditional English dishes are Toad in the Hole, Bubble and Squeak, Cock-a-Leekie Soup, Spotted Dick, Bug-in-a-Bucket, Willie One-Polyp, Tonsil-and-Toast, Whack-a-Doodle Johnson, and Fester Pudding. Attractive displays of these dishes –some of them dating back to the sixteenth century-- can be found in bars called "pubs," where the English traditionally gather to drink, glance at the food, and continue drinking.

But the main attraction in England is history. You cannot throw a scone in England without hitting a hallowed ancient object such as the actual chair that King Ralph the Easily Amused sat in when he made peace with the Duke of Whomping in 1123. You should definitely visit as many of these historic sites as you can before you starve. Among the most important ones are:

The Tower of London

This is the home of the Crown Jewels, a collection of gem-encrusted swords, headwear, plates, and utensils such as the priceless Spatula of India, all guarded by the famous "Beefeaters." The Crown Jewels belong to the royal family, whose members tried for centuries to get them back, only to have their heads whacked off by the famous Beefeaters, which is why the royal family now uses paper plates.

Arizona Bridge

This was originally located in Arizona, but was moved to London as a tourist attraction in 1362 by King Eddreth the Big Fan of onions.

Westminster Abbey

This is an extremely old building where many famous dead British people such as John Milton (bass player for the Kinks), Rudyard Kipling, and Charlie Watts are buried in the floor. It’s not clear why the British did this. The best we can figure is that it must have been raining very hard during the funerals, and somebody said, "What the hell, let’s just bury them right here in the floor."

Buckingham Palace

This is, of course, the home of the famous British royal family, which upholds many ancient cherished British traditions such as the tradition of Wearing Comical Hats and the Tradition of Appearing on the Cover of People Magazine at Least Once Per Month ("Fergie: Does She Have Shingles?"). Each day thousands of tourists gather at the palace the watch the famous ceremony of the Changing of the Guard, which follows the ceremonies of the Bathing of the Guard and the Sprinkling of Some Talcum Powder on the Guard’s Butt.

England Facts at A Glance

Unit of Currency: The Thruppence (2 Thruppence = 2 Bodkins)

Sign: Capricorn

Track: Wet

Queen’s Wardrobe by: Mister Duane’s House of Vision Impairment

Member(s): In Flames, Tclap

Located partly inside the Arctic Circle, Finland has long been a popular destination with travelers who enjoy the feeling of knowing that if their car breaks down, they could be eaten by wolves. Finland is also the home of the sauna, which is a wooden box in which you subject your body to extreme heat, which causes you to become very relaxed, unless of course the door gets stuck, in which case it causes you to become lasagna. We ourselves prefer to stay outside and take our chances with the wolves.

The major city in Finland is Helsinki, home of the Gverjkinklankerwanker, or "Tower of Linoleum."

Finland Facts at a Glance

Unit of Currency: The Fermkin

Form of Government: A small but powerful woman named Helga

Brad: Oh, Marcia, I have missed you so!

Marcia: Oh, Brad, really? (They embrace)

Member(s): Optimus

Germany is really a very nice nation that used to have an unfortunate tendency to fall in with the wrong crowed every few decades and try to take over the world. But that is all in the past, thank goodness. After years of painful division, East and West Germany are finally back together as a large, vibrant, strong, dynamic, extremely powerful and heavily armed nation that we are sure will be a Good Neighbor for … LOOK OUT! HERE THEY COME!!

Ha ha! We are just poking a little friendly fun at Germany, which is famous for enjoying a good joke, or as the Germans say, "Sprechnehaltenzoltenfussenmachschnitzerkalbenrollen." Here is just one hilarious example of what we are talking about:

First German: How many Polish people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Second German: I don’t know! How many?

First German: Let’s invade Poland and find out!

Millions of other Germans: Okay!

No! We’re just kidding! Probably! The truth is that we like Germany a lot. In fact, we celebrated our fortieth birthday there with some friends, the idea being that if we were going to get old, we should do it while surrounded by the maximum possible quantity of beer. They have wonderful beer in Germany, and they serve it in containers that, in other nations, would be used as shelters for the homeless. This gives new meaning to the concept of "having a beer." In the United States, "having a beer" is a semi-harmless act that leaves you feeling slightly mellow, whereas in Germany it can leave you dancing naked on the roof of a moving bus (This requires a permit; ask your travel agent).

Eating in Germany is easy, because there is basically only one kind of food, called the "wurst." This is a delicious item made by compressing random pig parts until they have reached the density of bowling balls, then serving them in long brown units that don’t look at all like large bowel movements, so just put that thought right out of your mind. At first, all wursts seem the same, but in fact each region of the country has its own "special recipe," thus producing a wide variety for your eating excitement. Some of our personal favorites are:

Blattwurst: Compressed pig parts served in 7-inch units

Grosswurst: Compressed pig parts served in 8-inch units

Wurstwurst: Compressed pig parts served in 7.5-inch units

The list goes on and on. There is an old German saying that goes, "By the time you have eaten all of the wursts of Germany, you will have pig parts coming out the Wazzenschnicter." This certainly proved to bet true in our case.

What to do in Germany

There are a great many spectacularly beautiful villages in Germany, as well as numerous important historic and cultural sites, but you should skip all these because the thing to do is drive really fast. They have these roads in Germany called "autobahns (meaning, literally, "bahns of the auto") where you can go as fast as you want because there is no speed limit! You can go out there and drive like an amphetamine-crazed maniac, and the police will do nothing! And if you don’t have a car, you can just steal one, because car theft is also legal on the autobahn. So are vagrancy, tax evasion, mail fraud, gambling, narcotics trafficking, and full-body massage! You are going to love the autobahn.

Germany Facts at a Glance

Unit of Currency: The Doppler

Barometer: Falling

Greece is where we get a large amount of our Western culture. For example, Zorba the Greek came from there. So did democracy, which is made up of two Greek words, "demo," meaning "people," and "cracy," meaning "wearing stupid hats." The Greeks also gave us the Pythagorean Theorem, although after we graduated high school we gave it back.

Getting to Greece

This is a necessary first step.

Attractions to See in Greece

The biggest city that we have heard of in Greece is Athens. According to ancient myth, Athens was created when Poseidon, the God of Adventure, struck the ground with his trident, which upset Ramona, the Goddess of Humidity and Ranch Dressing, who told Dagmar, the God of Variable-Rate Mortgages, who got so mad that he punched Raoul, the God of Those Little Colored Things You Sprinkle on Cupcakes, and as a result Athens was formed. Of course we now realize that this is stupid. Nevertheless many important old monuments remain from this period, including, the Metropolis, the Pentathlon, Monticello, the Telethon, and the Tomb of Reebock. All of these contain a great deal of very important architecture that you are welcome to chip off little pieces of for Show and Tell. Outside of Athens is another popular area known to locals as The Rest of Greece.

Greece Facts at a Glance

Unit of Currency: The Sheep

Form of Government: Vague

Liquor Bottles with Worms Inside: Yes

Member(s): Raziel

Holland, also known as "The Hinterlands" or "Sweden," is a plucky little nation that has created large sectors of new land by pushing back the sea with a sophisticated complex of dikes that have held up extremely well so far thanks to the vigilance of the Dutch people, as dramatized by the story of the Little Dutch Boy. Remember him? He was walking along one day many years ago when he saw a small leak in one of the dikes, so he plugged the hole with his finger, thereby saving the entire nation. Talk about pluck! Of course he’s an old man now, and he has taken to telling passersby that one of these days he’s going to pull his finger back out of the goddamn dike and the hell with everybody, but this is no reason for you, as a visitor, to be alarmed, because as a safety precaution, every item of furniture in Holland is legally required to also be usable as a flotation device. Your smart tourist never goes anywhere in the country without carrying, at minimum, a dinette table.

What to See in Holland

The largest city in Holland is Amsterdam, a cultural center that boasts many beautiful historic churches that you can later claim you were visiting when you were in fact looking at live naked sex shows involving as many as 17 individual humans and the occasional unit of livestock. Also do not miss the Vincent van Gogh Museum, where you can play the popular Whack-an-Ear Game. Out in the countryside you can see windmills, many of which are still used for milling wind, as well as millions and millions and millions of tulips, so you’ll probably just want to stick with the live naked sex shows.

Holland Facts at a Glance

Unit of Currency: The Grunder

Unit of Livestock’s Stage Name: "Bossy"

Member(s): mounopano

We are definitely talking about a warm and friendly nation here. This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers. One time we were at a restaurant near Rome eating a medium-sized Italian lunch of enough pasta to feed Lithuania for six months, and we happened to mention that the wine tasted good. So the restaurant owner insisted that everybody in our party had to go see his wine cellar, which involved climbing down a set of steep rickety stairs into the kind of dark, rank, spider-infested basement that you often see in horror movies, wherein some doomed character goes slowly down the stairs while dramatic music plays in the background and the theatre audience is shouting, "DON’T GO DOWN THERE, YOU FOOL!" because they know that there’s a lunatic lurking in the darkness with a machete and an industrial staple gun. This basement was like that, only it was occupied by something even more dangerous than a homicidal maniac, namely, numerous barrels of wine, which the owner insisted that we had to drink several samples from, and quite frankly we wonder how we got out of there. In fact some members of our party may still be down there with the spiders, and we urge you to stop in and see them (the spiders) during normal visiting hours.

Speaking of normal visiting hours, Italy doesn’t have any, as far as we can tell. Nothing is ever open when it’s supposed to be open or closed when it’s supposed to be closed, nor does it cost what it’s supposed to cost. Also, the buses never seem to go where they’re supposed to go. We realize that we’re making a sweeping generalization here, but as Giraldus Cambrensis so eloquently put it in Topographia Hibernica, "tough shit." Nevertheless we urge you to spend some time in this country, although as a precautionary measure you should lose a couple of hundred pounds first.

What to See in Italy

The major city is of course Rome, which got its name from the fact that the Romans used to live there before the Fall of the Roman Empire. Their mother warned them that this would happen. "If you leave you empire there, it’s going to fall!" she said, but unfortunately they did not understand English.

Nevertheless, the Romans built many large broken objects that you should definitely see, such as the Renaissance, the Piles of Seemingly Random Dirty Stones, and the Colosseum, which was the site of Super Bowl I. You must also visit Vatican City, where you may see the famous Sistine Chapel, which the famous Anthony L. "Michael" Angelo had to paint –Believe It or Not! —while lying on his back, because due to a contractor error the Sistine Chapel is only 18 inches high, so comfortable clothing is recommended. The Vatican is also the home of the Pope, who, if you pound very hard on his door, will be happy to come out and entertain the kids by twisting balloons into hilarious animal shapes. Elsewhere in Italy is the lovely city of Venice, which each year attracts millions of visitors despite the fact that it is basically an enormous open sewer; and Florence, home of one of Michael Angelo’s most famous works, the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Southern Italy is the site of the incredible village of Pompei, which nearly 2,000 years ago was buried under tons of volcanic ash and is therefore invisible. We don’t know why we even brought it up.

Italy Facts at a Glance

Unit of Currency: The Lira (1,000,000,000,000,000 lire = nothing)

Unit of Time: "A Few Minutes" (A Few Minutes = Two Days)

Hand Gestures: Permitted

Whew! We sure had fun writing/plagiarizing the majority of a chapter of Dave Barry’s Only Travel Guide You’ll Ever Need, a book which we originally thought was hilarious beyond compare and now wish that we could incinerate in an iron smelter…

I certainly did enjoy this undertaking (no necropheliac jokes, please), despite that fact that most of my major fingers have fallen off. If you have any comments, questions, or complaints, feel free to email me. To plagiarize one last Fact at a Glance:

Switzerland

Unit of Currency: The Cubit

This Chapter is Finally: Finished

Time for a: Beer