The Bitches vs. Diablo

It was a beautiful day, so 3K, Washu, Tatia and Rahl decided it was a good

day to kill off Diablo. Sure, they had all killed him before, but having

a "girls night out" would be fun, so off they went to the Pandemonium

Fortress (after having a few shots of tequila with Idaho). They battled

their

way through hell with their gaggle of Valkeries, and finally made it to

the Chaos Sanctuary. They cleared it all out, and opened the seals one by

one. All of the evil beasts were slain, and there was much rejoicing.

(yay) Finally, they opened the last seal.

Nothing happened. No floor shaking, nothing. The girls all looked at each

other, with confused expressions, and then slowly made their way to

the pentagram in the center. There was Diablo, sitting in the center of

the pentagram, with a towel around his neck, sweating profusely, and

holding a glass filled with, what looked like, scotch on the rocks.

Tatia: "I don't think this is right...."

Rahl: "Is that Crown in that glass?"

3K: "Uh, isn't he supposed to be running around breathing that red

lightning crap?"

Diablo: "How would you like it if you breathed red lightning all the time?

My throat is killing me!" *sips some scotch*

Washu: "Aren't you going to try to kill us, you know, prevent your

destruction, ensure the rule of the underworld, blah, blah, blah???"

Diablo: "*sighs* Everyday it's the same, you guys all come down here,

stinking drunk, and whoop my ass. I'm getting tired of this! My confidence

is shot, you know? Sure, I've killed a lot of you guys off, but does that

deter you? Noooo, you get resurrected, come back, and eventually cause

me a horribly painful death. *Points at Rahl* Those pointy ice things of

yours hurt like a bitch! You'd think they'd melt, this being HELL and all,

but

nooooo." Diablo slumps against a column and sighs. "And you two!" *Points

at 3K and Tatia* "How would you like it if you had to pick all those

arrows out of YOUR body? Getting resurrected is painful enough, but those

damn arrows are a bitch to get out." *Points at Washu* "And you!

You really ought to watch where you stick that pike of yours! *rubs his

behind* X-Slayer may go for that crap, but I don't!!"

3K: "So, you don't want us to kill you?.....uh, isn't that the point of

the game?"

Tatia: "Yeah, how am I supposed to get my highly anticipated but

consistently disappointing rare object like when we normally kill you?"

Diablo: "Man, can't you guys just leave me alone for once? Ok, here's what

I can do." *opens a small portal, reaches in and pulls out some

items* "Here's a handful of Stones of Jordan and Eyes of Elich....If I

give these to you and throw in some XP, will you guys just GO AWAY?"

All: "LEMMETHINKABOUTITYUP."

Rahl: "How about throwing in some of that Crown?"

Diablo: "Hurry up before I change my mind and summon up a whole room of

extra-strong, stone skinned, lightning enchanted, teleporting and

resurrecting Lord de Seis's.

All:"OKTHANKSSEEYABYE!"

The gang takes the loot gingerly from Diablo, and step away slowly. Tatia

opens a portal and they all start walking through.

Diablo: "Wait a minute Washu, I want to talk to you about that old project

of yours, you know, the one where you were going to destroy the

universe, want to give me any details?"

Washu: *laughs* "Well now, I've got something the Lord of Darkness

doesn't, eh? So what's in it for me?"

Diablo grins.

Was the ALE gang nice enough to distribute their wealth among the other

ALE members, or did they hock the extras on eBay? And what sort of

dealings are Washu and Diablo making? Tune in next time, when you'll hear

X-Slayer say: "Why didn't you tell me Diablo needs help picking

arrows out of his ass???"