Challenge: From The Spike Torture group. Saber wants Spike's chip to malfunction. Okay baby-it will!
Summary: Spike goes to meet his maker and he's not impressed.
Feedback: You know you wanna!
Disclaimer: This is a piece of fan written fiction and no infringement is intended. I repeat: I am not Joss Whedon, Fox television, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar television or Mutant Enemy.
Notes: To all those who give me feedback and worry for my sanity, don't put down those rosaries yet!
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Spike slammed the door of the crypt behind him.
"Bloody, fucking, cocksucking, wankers," he growled to the empty space. What a truly rotten, pissing night he was having. First, some retarded minions that had formerly worked for he and Dru had given him a hard time about being a eunich-unable to bite anyone, then some drunken frat boys had chased him for two miles in their father's Cavalier- now he was being terrorized by the inanity of suburbia? Couldn't he be menaced by something slightly more terrifying than a yuppy taxi? At least he hadn't dropped his beer. That was something to be thankful for, that and the fact that Harmony wasn't here- just the blessed silent crypt. A-fucking-men!
He twisted a can off of the carry ring and tossed the other's onto the chair. All would be right in the world if he could just feel the sensation of still slightly cold beer going down his throat. Spike flipped the top of the can and it's semi warm contents sprayed all over him, dripping in his hair and down his face and arms. It was really the very last straw.
"God damn Son of a Bitch!" He threw the foaming can against the wall in fury with every bit of force he had. "I want one asshole fucking beer. Is that so wrong? Am I to be denied even that now! He raised his face to the ceiling, hops running into his eyes and screamed," Fuck you Walsh, you poxy bitch! And that whore Buffy too. I suppose she'll have to come down here and beat the shit out of me just to round out the night huh. God knows she's not getting enough kicks sucking captain cardboard's d…d..d….th…d"
What the fuck was going on? The words were sitting there on his tongue, but his lips were not cooperating with the ease one would expect. He'd been bloody talking since he was one year old. He'd mastered it by now, so what the hell was happening?
"Wh.wha..wa..w. the the the…" Shit! Nothing was coming out.
He took a step and fell to the floor like a stone because the entire left side of his body had become numb. Oh, this was definitely not good. He tried to call out, but the only thing coming out now was nonsensical gurgling sounds. It wouldn't have mattered anyway; he was alone. No one could have heard him even if he had been able to form words. His face felt heavy, droopy and the left side of his mouth hung slack as he rested his head on the filthy floor of the crypt.
The dim light from the naked bulb of the lamp seemed to grow, covering everything with a fuzzy halo that faded into a bright white light and then…
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Purple twilight.
A huge, glowing red sun was just setting, throwing weird shadows over the landscape. He felt all right now, just standing there. No numbness, he could move his hand. "What's all this then?" He could talk again-that was a bonus. Now the only question was-where the hell was he and what exactly was going on?
He stood in an empty field. Well, empty except for the dead and dying carcasses of demons and humans that lie scattered as far as his eye could see. The ground had the first traces of frost, he could see that much in the fading daylight and the grass was trampled and matted with the blood of literally thousands.
"Help me." A hand clutched his thigh and Spike looked down to see a Psian demon with the right side of his skull caved in.
He kicked free of the creatures grasp. "Careful mate, you'll get your brains all over my jeans." and moved forward a few steps.
About twenty paces in front of him he finally noticed a figure standing upright. It was an impossibly old and bent woman. She leaned over a body, checking for God knows what, then stood up. At that moment, she caught his eye and began walking towards him.
He didn't curb his natural reaction as she approached him, which was to draw back and say 'ergh'. Her wild, silver hair was gnarled and ratty and stuck up in a frightful mess. It was her face that had alarmed him so though. Wrinkles, yeah, but mostly her eyes. They were dark and unholy. Unholy? Yeah, it was a fright mask that would have done any special effects guy proud. It was the stuff nightmares were made of. There was no gentleness or fuzzy, hazy grandma type vibes coming from her. She was all sharpness and quick thinking…kind of like a drill sergeant.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" She barked.
Spike surveyed the landscape around them before answering her in a sarcastic tone, "Uh, where the fuck am I?"
"Careful puppy," she warned pointing a finger at him. "Unless you want to be lying on the ground again drooling uncontrollably."
"That was you?"
"That was you?" She mimicked, and then continued. "You're going to have to move a little faster than that boy if you're going to keep up. I don't have all day to explain every little thing to you."
"So I'm dead then? Are you God?"
She laughed uncontrollably for several seconds then composed herself. "Yeah, I'm God… honestly, what are they teaching you mortals these days?"
"Hey, I'm not human," he protested. "I'm a vampire."
The old woman waved her hand at him in dismissal. "Whatever, it doesn't matter."
"Well I don't believe in you anyway, this is probably just a trick of my brain: lack of oxygen or some residual mind fuck from the chip," Spike sulked. "There is no after life…you just turn to dust."
"I could blow your dust across this plane and a thousand armies would spring up from every flake."
"That's a neat trick then, isn't it? Why don't you save it for the paying customers?"
She shook her head in disgust. "You're starting to annoy me. Let's get on with it, shall we?"
Three younger women ambled up to them, ignoring the pair and focusing on one of the corpses that lay at the old woman's feet. They squatted down and began stripping the flesh from the body with only their own long fingernails. A few enormous crows landed on the ground next to them and fought for the bits that fell to the ground. Soon, the birds grew bolder and began pulling strips of meat from the bones themselves.
"Oh, disgusting." Spike complained and shuddered in exaggerated revulsion.
"And you should talk? Never mind that. Come over here."
"Why should I do that?" He argued.
"For your life review. Don't you know anything?"
"Oh this should be good," he smirked, walking closer to her."
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New York 1977
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"Do you want to go out hunting luv?"
"No, I want to stay in tonight." Dru straddled his stomach; leaned forward and rubbed her breasts against his chest. Her hard nipples scraped a line across his torso. "Do you?"
"Huh?" He smiled in distraction, forgetting his previous train of thought. He could feel her wetness as she slid across his abdomen and his prick was absolutely rock hard as it nestled into the crack of her ass. She wiggled her hips in a fast furious burst of energy and his cock rubbed against the puckered opening. She gave a small moan of pleasure and he thought he would pass out in sheer delight.
"Hunting silly." She licked the ring in his eyebrow, the one that emphasized the scar he's gotten from the first slayer he'd ever killed. "Do you want to go out and leave me all alone?"
"Hell no!" He kissed her, raising his shoulders off the bed as she teased him by backing away. She really was a wicked girl and completely insane. Scully always said that crazy girls were the best fucks…because they were voracious and they'd do *anything*
Scully was partially right. Dru was the best sex Spike had ever had because she was a Goddess. She was a mad, dark, sexy, insane black Madonna-and she was all his. She could go all night. She would do anything, she wasn't afraid to tell him or show him what she needed and she also wasn't afraid to do anything he wanted.
Everyday he nearly shit himself with happiness that she'd chosen him in that alley. And he'd give an extra little crap for her Sire Angelus, who thankfully was out of their lives forever. Dru belonged fully to Spike now and this was the best time of his life, or unlife-whatever.
Dru pulled away and crouched at the foot of the bed, facing the wall with her back to him. His feet suddenly fascinated her. "Do you love me Spike?" She bent down as she said it and took his big toe in her mouth and started sucking on it.
Her ass was raised in the air and Spike could see her swollen vulva, dripping in evidence of her excitement. He collapsed back against the bed, fully confident that she knew what she was doing and would eventually fuck his brains out-as usual. "Poodle, I love everything about you-curls to toenails, eyeballs to entrails."
She laughed as she abandoned his toe and began kissing a line up his inner thigh, backing up as she did so. "What's your favorite part?"
She was inching her way closer, bringing his favorite part of the moment into tantalizing proximity. He didn't want to wait any longer. He raised himself up on his elbows and buried his face between her cheeks, licking and sucking.
"Oooohhhh," she sighed in approval and began bucking back against him. "That's my favorite part too."
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He left Dru sleeping in the bed. There were a few hours left before sunrise and he did feel like hunting after all. He met Scully on the corner.
"Dru wear you out?" The other vampire leered when the blonde approached.
"Careful mate, that's my Sire and the love of my life you're talking about," Spike warned him.
The other vampire wasn't in the least bit intimidated. He just stood there with a lascivious grin on his face.
Spike broke down and returned a good-natured laugh. "Yeah, always. But now I'm in the mood for a little blood."
"There's an abandoned tenement a few blocks over, wanna check it out? We could do a little 'flush and crush'? Stir up some excitement?" Scully help both hands palms up in front of himself, lowering one and then the other as if weighing their options.
"It sounds good. I like it."
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Spike flicked a large cockroach off of the board partially covering the doorway. "What a fucking dump."
"Yeah, the kitchen's not too clean, but the food is great."
"Let's hope so."
Spike bent down and squeezed his frame through the opening into the total blackness inside. He got no more than ten steps inside when he stumbled over a sleeping form. Spike drained him in seconds. "Great…" he complained, reeling from the alcohol fumes and realizing they came from the one he'd just tasted.".. if you like Mad Dog."
"Wait. The crack heads squat upstairs. It's really a trip, trust me," Scully promised.
They made their way upstairs with relative ease. Occasionally the glimmer of neon peeked through dusty glass windows or from between the boards nailed up, ineffectually, to keep trespassers out. Ten people or so lounged around one of the large upstairs rooms. Most of them were already passed out. An abandoned pipe lay on the floor, slipped from numb fingers. When the last two or three humans awake noticed two vampires in game face, one mumbled. "Oh man, the slayer's gonna kick your ass."
"Slayer? Your high man, there's nobody here gonna save yer ass."
"The slayer will. Nikki- the vampire slayer," one of the stoned humans insisted.
"She a crack head too?" Spike jeered in disbelief.
"No, but I know that scum like you hang around here for the easy pickins" a voice from the shadows of the room said and a girl stepped forward. She wore an afro and the coolest black leather coat spike had ever seen.
"Don't tell me. You're Nikki, the vampire slayer. Oooooo, scary," Spike breathed in a sarcastic stage whisper. "All is lost Scully, for surely we are doomed. We must repent our wicked lifestyle."
"I renounce blood and the brotherhood of the night," Scully wailed in a falsetto.
"Of all the creeps in the city, I get a couple of comedians," the girl complained. "At least when I kill you, that'll shut you up. She reached down and picked up a rock someone had probably used to break into the dump in the first place and hurled it at Scully. It hit him squarely in the face and he went down.
"Bitch! That's my best friend," Spike yelled.
Nikki didn't answer. She made a running sprint towards the blonde vampire and leapt into the air. Both of her feet connected with the center of Spike's chest and knocked him backwards on his ass. His head bounced off of the floor and she was on him in an instant, legs pinning his shoulders down on either side.
He couldn't move his arms at all, but he did look at her crotch three inches from his face and then up at her. "Well, this is a fighting method I've never seen in a slayer, but I do have some experience-so I think we'll do fine."
She punched him in the face. "That's enough out of you, you sick fuck. No Slayer in her right mind would ever fuck a vampire." She punched him again. "You better…"
"…Wake up Spike."
Huh? Spike shook his head and saw Fluffy leaning over him. "What the hell, where's Nikki?" He could talk again. "I can talk!"
"Oh joy, "Buffy sniped, rolling her eyes. "I was so worried about that."
"He seems to be okay," Giles voice came from behind Buffy. "Lets go then. Unfortunately, I think he'll make it."
Spike struggled to sit up. His left arm was weak, but he could feel it. Buffy sighed and helped him get to his feet. "How did you guys know I was here?" His words were slow, with a lisp, but they were understandable.
"Harmony called us. She thought you were dead, but of course-no dust." Buffy explained.
"It would appear that you've had a mild stroke or something," Giles clarified. "How do you feel?"
"Like shit. Am I going to stay like this?"
Giles shook his head and blinked. "I don't know truthfully, you may recover, or regain partial function? This must be some residual effect of the chip. What exactly happened?"
"I don't know. I met God and my life flashed before my eyes."
"And they kicked you back here? It figures." Buffy snorted.
"Yeah, they've sent me to hell. Hey don't you know how to give a proper greeting? Nikki could have given you a few pointers."
"Giles, he's delirious," the slayer called over her shoulder. "Who the hell is Nikki?"
[END]