What will I do?
Zechs’ thoughts on the upcoming war before he leaves OZ.
Shounen-ai… Implied yaoi…
Gundam Wing etc belongs to it’s respective owners…
It is night and yet there is no silence to accompany the darkness. But this is a military base; there is never any silence, never completely. Regardless of the time there are always duties to be performed, errands to be run. We are ever prepared for more attacks by the Gundams. There are five, that is all and yet they decimate our armies. I could fight them but you will not let me. The Lightening Count is too important to loose. I can’t help sneering at the title, it is foolish… I am still unable to defeat Gundam 01. That irritates me more that you can know. You see, Treize, this fallen Prince still has some pride left.
But of course you know that, you always do. Is there anything that I can do that will surprise you? I do not think so. My Lord, my love… Am I really that predictable, that easy for you to manipulate? For I know you pull the strings that guide my actions. I am ever at your command. What ever it is that you wish of me… I will not disobey. But you already know that.
Yours to command… And is that why I lie here now, silently in your bed. I watch you sleeping, exhausted by the night’s previous activities but I can not sleep. Not now. Now that I am thinking about the future… again. The future… I will not fool myself into thinking that we will have a future. You won’t say it but I already know; you intend to die in the final conflict, whenever that may be. Do you think that you have to die to fulfil your destiny? Do you think that it’s what you deserve? Treize…
The colonies will hate us… But of course that is what you planned. The Gundams already do. The population of the Earth? I don’t know, perhaps. My sister?
“Zechs?” You look up at me, puzzled. “Zechs, what-“ Sounding so concerned.
I drop my head to your shoulder and continue to laugh. “Nothing, love. Go back to sleep.”
“I’d like to know what you’re laughing about first.” You give me a whimsical look.
“Relena.” I manage to force the name out, hysterical laughter fading suddenly.
“Relena.” You say, sounding worried now.
“She’d hate me now… if she knew that I was still alive.”
And I’m lying here, silent now. I can feel you stroking my hair.
“She might understand, eventually.” You say, calmly.
“No, she won’t.”
I close my eyes and eventually am sure that you’ve fallen asleep again. I don’t bother to open my eyes again. I just lie here and think.
Everyone will hate us, hate OZ. We will be a symbol of all that is terrible, something for everyone to hate. And they will hate us. They will all try to destroy us. Which is what you planned. For OZ to be the enemy of all. And then there will be the war you planned, this grand war to end all wars. We will fight and we will die and maybe, just maybe humanity will understand how terrible war really is. At least that’s the way it’s supposed to go. I’m not so sure any more.
Maybe they will hate you so much that they fail to learn your lesson. Did you ever think of that, Treize? What happens if the wars carry on? What happens if we do not loose? But why am I doubting you now, when I have committed my very soul to what ever you would have me do. But still…
You are stronger, far stronger than even your enemies think you are. You have the strength to hold to your ideas even if it will mean that all humanity would hate you, to carry your plan through, to the bitter end. When everyone is screaming for your blood, even then you will not falter. Such strength, my Treize.
But you overestimate your fallen Prince; I do not have the strength that you possess. My will was never that unbreakable. Forgive me, my love; forgive me, for I will fail. I know what you would have me do and I can not… I am close to breaking, even now, here in your arms. I can not…
Once I only dreamed of seeing my father’s Kingdom restored, of placing my sister on its throne. I dreamed that the Absolute Pacifism Principle could work. But now… It will never work, not until everyone lays down their arms and of course, they won’t ever do that. We were aiming for the same thing really, you just had a more realistic method. But I’m frightened of what that will mean. You live your life according to your goal, your single, unwavering purpose, nothing will ever change that. You are determined to show all humanity the horror that they can inflict upon themselves. I love you, admire you for that conviction but… faced with the reality of it all, the terror and pain that we will cause. When the time comes for me to make my choice, what will I do?
Hmm…
00:12, 20/05/02