Disclaimer: Not mine, CLAMP’s…
Shounen-ai…
Yue lay quietly beside his sleeping lover, head resting on Toyua’s chest, listening to the steady heartbeat. The careful rhythm lulled him into a false sense of security. Here in the darkness, with Toyua’s arms around him the Moon Guardian could pretend that it would be like this forever. That Toyua truly would never leave him…
Of course, Toyua would never leaving him willingly, had promised to love Yue forever. But forever could only last a single mortal lifetime.
Clow came back, Yue reminded himself, Clow came back after such a long time. He became Eriol, with all Clow’s memories and powers intact. He might not be Clow but he was so very nearly the same. Eriol with the same face as Clow. Eriol with his own Guardians; Spinnel Sun and Ruby Moon. Eriol who didn’t want Yue any more.
Would Toyua be like that? Would he eventually return and dismiss Yue as an old memory? Or would his spirit simply be extinguished, without his power.
He didn’t want to think about that possibility. Better that Toyua return and not love him than not return at all…
There was somewhere on an unseen horizon the possibility of death but Yue didn’t think that it would be soon in coming. Not while he still had his duty as the Judgement Maker, not while the Clow Cards… no, they were Sakura Cards now… not while they still existed. Would they ever cease to exist? Yue didn’t know.
One thing was certain though, after Toyua there would never be anyone else. Yes, he’d said the same thing after Clow had died but then Clow had never loved him… but that wasn’t true. Clow had loved him enough to let him go, to shape an entire destiny so that both himself and Keroberos would find happiness.
Yue could smile about that now, remembering Clow’s gentleness, his kindness, their first and last kiss…
“If this… happens… I will not be able to let you go.”
At the time he hadn’t understood what his Master meant.
“I am not the one you are destined to be with…” and then almost as an afterthought that he wasn’t meant to hear “… thought I wish I was.”
Even then, thought Clow had not known who that person would be, he had known that he couldn’t keep Yue with him. And Yue understood now, that no matter how much he loved Toyua, there was some, small part of his heart that would always belong to the Master who loved him enough to let him go.
Now there was only a warm sense of familiarity when he laid eyes upon Eriol, a gentle smile that mirrored Eriol’s own when they met in either of his forms. It unnerved Ruby Moon a little, enough so that Yue could afford to be generous and not make some comment at his expense, about butterflies and mortal boys. Especially since the original reference was about flies and wanton boys, and one being crushed by the other. Thought regardless, Ruby Moon in either of his forms never really seemed to trust Yue’s motives.
It was raining, though only a light splattering that showered the cemetery. The sky was a faint shade of grey that matched the boy’s hair as he stood at the foot of a grave. Yue, in his other form stood underneath his umbrella staring at the headstone of Toyua’s grave.
Toyua had lived a long, full life. He had been old and content when he died. His hair as white as he lover’s and his face lined with age, he had breathed his last in the comfort of his home, with Yue holding him close.
Toyua’s funeral had been a relatively quiet affair; close friends and relatives paying their final respects. No one had questioned the presence of Yukito’s supposed nephew who had spent the last few years looking after his late uncle’s best friend. Many had commented on the striking similarity that he bore to his late uncle, though none could actually remember when it was that Yukito had supposedly passed away. People simply dismissed the similarity as being of minor import among such grief. Much as the appearance of Nakuru’s ‘son’ in the company of Eriol raised little comment.
Later that evening Ruby Moon and Eriol refused to leave Yue by himself in the house that he had long inhabited with Toyua, though eventually Eriol was persuaded to join Tomoyo and Syaoran in keeping Sakura company.
Yue was slumped on the couch, silently staring out of the windows when Ruby Moon sat down beside him, gently wrapping arms around him.
“I loved him… still love him.” Yue whispered brokenly.
“I know.” Was all Ruby Moon could reply.
Ruby Moon said nothing as Yue began to cry, stroking his hair and holding him close. It was a meagre form of comfort but the only one that could be offered.
Years later, Yue sat in a seemingly lifeless house, holding Ruby Moon while the younger Guardian wept.
“Why did he have to die?!” Ruby Moon wailed.
“I don’t know.” Was all Yue could say.
Ruby Moon sobbed until he was exhausted, finally falling asleep in Yue’s arms. And Yue sat, determined to remain awake as he stared out of the windows at the full moon that hung in the sky over the countryside.
Soon, he knew, soon the Mistress of the Cards, herself would fall prey to a mortal death. After all, with Eriol’s death, Sakura was the only one left. Yue wondered vaguely what the future would hold for them all, if Sakura had planned it all out like Clow had done or if she had left them to choose for themselves. He didn’t know and for once, he wasn’t sure if he cared.
It wasn’t all that long after that Sakura was taken from them by mortal death. Tomoyo, Syaoran and Eriol had all preceded her. She died with her Guardians beside her and her daughter racing back from a business meeting in Kyoto.
“Promise me, that you’ll try to be happy.” She had said to them before closing her eyes and falling into her endless sleep.
They’d remained until young Tomoyo had arrived home, to find that her mother had died peacefully. The young woman knelt at her mother’s bedside, with her cheek resting against a now cold hand, crying quietly. Soon enough her fiancé would arrive to comfort her.
Yue and Keroberos exchanged no words as they returned to the book and their magical sleep.
“There is a new candidate.”
Yue could hear Keroberos’ voice, knew that the Beast of the Seal was looking intently at him, at the book but he didn’t want to wake, didn’t want to judge someone, didn’t want to replace first Clow, then Sakura… or Toyua…
Reluctantly Yue took his physical form, spreading his vast wings and pointedly staring over the candidate’s head, refusing to look him in the face. Unfortunately that meant that he got a good look at the candidate’s companion, an older man who looked for a split second, in the moonlight, remarkably like Clow. Yue frowned.
He would fight the new candidate and most likely be defeated by him and the misery would start over. Yue shut his eyes as he transported them both away from the others to begin their battle.
The new candidate appeared to be older that Sakura had been and wielded some sort of magical sword instead of the familiar staff. Not that it mattered. Yue wondered again if Sakura had planned this, or perhaps even Clow.
“With the Sakura Cards you have, defeat me.”
He wondered if he already sounded as defeated as he felt.
“No.”
“Then you will loose.” He began, raising a hand to summon crystal shards.
“Yuki…”
And finally he raised his eyes to stare at the youth opposite, the familiar silhouette; short brush-like hair, lean form, serious eyes.
“To-ya!”
Yue flung himself into his beloved’s arms, forgetting everything else in his joy. They held tightly to each other. Eventually it was Toyua who shifted, reminding them of where they were and what was meant to be happening. The tall youth looked down at his lover, faintly worried at the prospect of having to fight him. Yue smiled, pressing close again.
“Judgement complete.” He whispered into Toyua’s ear.
And there’s a silly ending too but this is a kind of sweet finish, I feel…
Fumma is Kamui’s Twin Star in CLAMP’s X/1999 and looks considerably like Toyua. Fumma’s friend would be Seishiro, I suppose.
27/08/02