What I am feeling today:
Crave of the day:
Sleep
Quote of the day:
"One who
looks for a friend without faults will have none."
- Unknown
Wonder
Conflicting
nature, confusion and back one full circle
First
week of University
University
life looms closer
The
Frozen Throne
RJC
incident
Nightmares
and headaches
Boring
days and national anthem
A
hopeful equilibrium
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Monday,
28 July 2003
I spent Sunday trying to read the text for my IT lecture on Monday, but to no avail. Then, I realised my printer ran out of ink and I needed to print my lecture notes and tutorials for the coming week, so I rushed down to Sim Lim to buy ink and paper. And of all times, it started to rain. Thus, I took a cab down, and in an annoyed mood, just grabbed two black catridges, one colour cartridge and a ream of paper and paid. Originally, I wanted to take a cab home, but then seeing the long cab queue and that the rain had stopped, I decided I would take an MRT home instead.
Once home I took my dinner and proceeded to read my text again until my ICQ was bombarded with "ggg" so I ended up playing The Frozen Throne instead till 1am...haha...
Monday saw me waking up at 9 and really reading the text this time, but I only managed to cover a quarter of the required readings(not easy ok...considering the required readings came up to about 150 pages) before having to go to campus for my lecture which was at 2.30pm.
Originally I was supposed to meet Joseph at the 179 bus stop but then he was more than 10 minutes late and if I did not leave, I would be late for the lecture, I decided to go to campus first(actually that was also what he told me to do when I called him). The lecture was quite interesting covering the hardware side of computers but I found it a bit brief. But then again I am interested in computers and many people are not. Moreover, my course doesn't require technical knowledge in computers. I was interested in taking a minor like IT but then NTU doesn't have such a minor...sigh.
After the lecture ended, I sat down with Joseph for a drink in the canteen while discussing what activities for CCA we shall go and explore. Then we went home, along the way I talked to him about studies and career. As I was walking from Tiong Bahru MRT station home, I was seeing people in a completely different light. Each of these people, professionals in their own fields, did they expect that one day they would be doing what they are doing now? Was it what they really wanted? Or was what they really wanted something else but they are currently professionals because they have pursued a job aspect for far too long due to society or reality and cannot give up what they have now achieved for their dreams? Does idealism really have a place in today's realistic world? Did everyone in this world always walked the path they wanted, or were they directed a path by someone else, or did they choose the wrong path? I know since school started already, I should be concentrating on my studies and not thinking about this, but then if I didn't think properly and get it out of my mind, how can I concentrate? Haha...
Sunday, 27 July 2003
Conflicting nature, confusion and back one full circle
The wind blows upon the back of the INFJ. He shifts his weight, as if ready to turn around, but he doesn't. The wind blows stronger and this time the autumn leaves fall. One after another, the orange cripsy leaves flutter and float as they make their way to the ground.
Yesterday was a long day. Why? Because by the time I reached night, I felt as if I went through two days already. No, I didn't rush from one place to another this time, but somehow my mind travelled a long distance. The morning started with me going to campus for my AB105 Organisational and Management Behaviour lecture. It was rather confusing because it was a mix of psychology, sociology and business ideas. After that, I went to Jurong Point with Junxian, Raymond and Kai Hong for lunch. Actually I had wanted to go for the rock climbing welcome climb at SAFRA Toa Payoh but then Junxian and Raymond both pulled out so I gave up the idea as going to SAFRA Toa Payoh alone was not a very welcoming idea. So I went home to mull around before going for Tengji's farewell.
Tengji's farewell turnout was not bad. 21/26 people. We had dinner at Marche and talked with each other. Then we walked around trying to find a place for a post-dinner activity. First was Coffee Club Express, then the new KTV lounge, then we took a bus down to Esplanade actually to go to Gloria Jean's Coffee, but it closed down. So we settled for Embargo instead where each of us ordered a drink courtesy of the main character tonight. I took a glass of vodka lime whereby the alcohol was so dilute that it simply just tasted like normal lime. Yawnz. Not that I love the taste of alcohol but then I mean if I'm drinking vodka lime I would like to taste some vodka here... Well although many people left along the way, I would say its quite good already since we normally don't have a post-dinner activity simply because we spend too long trying to make everyone happy with the activity that in the end everyone is too bored with waiting for a compromise.
I went online after coming home and was comtemplating about a lot of things. I spent the rest of the night chatting with people to resolve the issues wading around in my mind.
"This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings."
Thursday, 24 July 2003
I haven't updated in almost a week. Was too tired to update. Anyway, the week started on Monday where we had the welcome ceremony which was quite ridiculous, waving torchlights in an enclosed auditorium and wearing gowns to represent our going into University. I heard complaints from my friends that the interviewing of people on the news was quite hilarious, considering some people had horribly broken English and some had negative comments following positive comments by the president of NTU. Anyway, it wasn't a comment by me, my friends said it so don't come and find me if anyone is offended...=P The day was followed by a swimming session.
Tuesday was Nanyang Business School (NBS) orientation day. I thought it would have been some games and get to know people, or some explanation of the system. However, it was none of that. More talks, and introducing the professors to us was what they did. So NBS was "here is a handbook, go read" and that's that. Anyway, there was a faculty tour afterwhich we got to ask the senior bringing us around some questions. Also, there was this EmitAsia company which tried to convince us to buy Fortune magazine, claiming we need it to do some of our assignments. I was quite interested at that point. Anyway, the rest of the day was my AB106 Principles of Economics and AB107 Business Law lectures. Each was two hours. The Economics one was really very fast. It was almost as if she went through 5 months a JC economics within that two hours. And she spoke like a bullet train regardless of whether anyone in the LT was listening or not. Now I really appreciate how Miss Kong used to teach us economics, although most of us took it for granted last time that the way she used was the way to teach economics. Anyway, the law module was better, except somehow the lecturer kept saying "Eh, how come my joke nobody laughs? Not funny meh?" And then the whole lecture theatre would burst out in laughter from that statement not the joke...Haaizz....
Wednesday was a free day which I went out with Hanwen and Joel and had a 3 hour lunch at Coca. It was not bad. I would have thought it would be mostly seafood, but the chicken and pork fillets were equally good. Then I had a day mulling around the house and playing games.
And finally today started with a boring Heritage Walk in the morning. There was some quiz but most of the freshmen didn't really care for the quiz since the prize was some book of the history of Nantah or something along that line. After the Heritage Walk was a tour of the CCA booths which was crowded like anything in the Nanyang Auditorium. At the times it was crowded you practically could not move. Following that, the five of us (Junxian's friends, Joseph and I) went to the bazzar where I signed up for PC Advisor Singapore for slightly more than 2 dollars a month. After that, I comtemplated between buying Fortune magazine and The Economist which was also on offer. In the end, I decided to buy The Economist. The day in school ended off with a lecture at 3.30pm, AB113 Information Technology. It was shocking to find that we would have to master Excel in one lab lesson of 2 hours and master Access in two lab lessons. What would happen to those people who are quite clumsy with computers? Anyway, Junxian gave us a lift to the MRT station, afterwhich I came home and sorted out all the goodie bags and threw away all the useless spam and pamphlets I didn't want.
Yawnz. Actually there is really a lot more I would like to enter into my blog, but then it would be too long and I am kind of tired now... At least there are no lessons tomorrow.
Saturday, 19 July 2003
Maybe it's because I am tired, but I am feeling it again. University life looms closer. In fact it is only 2 days away from the welcome ceremony. I have spent the past few days madly playing The Frozen Throne to try to complete the campaign before school starts. I have only 5 more missions to go. That is like another 5-10 hours.
I just went to buy my notes today at NTU and at the same time purchased my textbooks, which cost over $160. Madness. Sigh. What is life going to be like in University? What would change, what do I need to change? I don't know. Will my friendships remain the same or would they change to? If they do, is it because I have changed or my friends have changed, or maybe both? Will I revert to a boring person in order to study or would I be able to study and have fun at the same time? Would I still be able to have late night gaming? I know that things never remain status quo but sometimes we just wish they would. Sigh. Would I be able to form meaningful bonds with people in NTU? What would come after that? Life changes, people change, society change and as you change, everything else change. Where would that put me in the future? What would I be in what kind of world? Would I be able to look back and recognise myself now? Yes, it is definetely correct to say that you can mould and guide your own life in the direction you want, but then again, do not forget that you live in a world where everyone, everything is interconnected. Sometimes knowing the path and walking the path are two different things. ARGH!
Upon a journey we all are on, and we all were having a long rest. Time beckons, it's time to move, Time waits for no man. I get up, and start to move. Over my shoulder I take a glance, at the glade that was the resting point. Some have embarked on a different path, some are still resting, and others are out of sight already. I look around me and see very few familar faces. Is this meant to be? What would happen as I walked further? I don't know. But I choose the path and hope I will make companions of those walking around me. Till the next large resting point is far, while there will be smaller resting points along the way. Will the paths converge? I don't know. Time will tell. Time will tell.
Wednesday,
16 July 2003
It's raining heavily outside now. There rarely are such heavy rains nowadays. I remember that when I was younger, there were frequently such heavy rains during the monsoon period and those times were exceptionally good times for sleeping. Nowadays, the weather is so cranky and rarely are there rains are that frequently so heavy. Sigh. Global warming, greenhouse effect blah blah blah...
Oh well, since the weather is so warm nowadays, I have bought the the Warcraft III expansion: The Frozen Throne. =P Ok sorry, bad joke haha... Just simply bored and need to entertain myself you see. The game isn't that good, and I think 42 dollars is a little steep for it. The orc campaign is not bad, though the rest are quite boring. Anyway the past few days I have either been watching movies or playing the Frozen Throne or playing pool, and then now its like 5 days to first day of my University life. Sigh.
Monday, 14 July 2003
Hmm, had diarrhoea last night, must have ate something bad. Anyway the RJC student posting the video online seems to have been a big issue, and the student will face disciplinary action. I think actually it is not a very big deal. If the teacher dares to scold the student in this manner in front of a whole class, why would she feel uncomfortable or be under any pressure when it is released to the world? I mean yes, it did go quite far, spreading all over the world via the internet, but then a teacher is supposed to be a role model. Imagine the whole class learns from her and then we have a class of 20 plus people going out to society and having the concept that it is completely normal behaviour to go around scolding others 'outdated and irrelevant' and 'sly, crafty, old rat'.
When I watched the video after someone sent me the link, I was thinking well, if the student was as horrible as you had described, why would he be standing there and listening to you scold him, he would have walked out already. No matter how disobedient the student was, the teacher should not have humilated him in front of the class. A private scolding would have been quite sufficient. And tearing the homework of a student is absolutely unforgivable in my opinion. Even if the homework was nonsensical, or not what you wanted from the student, tearing up the homework would be a purposeful act of humilation and misbehaviour. Just as a teacher would expect students to live up to their expectations, there are expectations a student has of teachers, and not tearing up their homework as well as treating them with respect a person deserves are two of them. And well, being the teacher, you have to meet those expectations first, and even if your students don't meet those expectations, it is not an excuse not to meet them yourself. It is that difficult being a good teacher, and it was your choice to be a teacher. So there... Of course you can be a horrid teacher and do all those horrid things, but if you don't want to play by the rules, why should the student play by the rules either? Anyway this brought up the memories of my old class website, but then again that is another story. Well, what do you think of this incident, leave some comments under echoes...hee hee...
Sunday, 13 July 2003
I was jolted awake in the morning again. I didn't have a very good night, having had 3 long nightmares in the space of one night, and being shocked awake each time. Sigh. Nothing much about today, except that I finally washed my 2 pairs of New Balance shoes and threw away the last pair, of which the support at the back of the shoe had more or less collapsed.
Thanks to wanderlust, I discovered a site which had a free web tool, enabling me to let people add comments on my blog. Although its scripting, it's hosted elsewhere so I can still put it in my blog even though the free geocities web space doesn't allow scripting. Thus, I decided to put it for all blog entries starting from July. You might discover that the colour scheme is very different from my site's scheme because I actually wanted a blue scheme for my site, but without mastering CSS, its quite ugly. Sigh. I got a headache trying to do the colour schemes and trying to change the colour scheme for my site to match the pop-up box. Whatever. I will do it another day. Got bad headache now, moreover something's bothering me from the afternoon, but my headache's too bad for me to write coherently now. By the way, can all those reading my blog please put a comment? Just so I can identify who is reading. If you wanna remain anyonmous just post as anyonmous so at least I know how many people reading...hee hee...
Saturday, 12 July 2003
Boring days and National Anthem
Yesterday was a rather boring day, seeing me at home, sorting out my duffel bag properly so I can finally put it in storage, reading some NTU administrative stuff, updating some programs, and basically mulling around the house.
I woke up this morning feeling short of breath. Actually I was awakened at 7 by my brother's handphone but tried to get back to sleep. However, due to some unknown reason, I fell into a dreamy half-sleep state that involved me feeling short of breath and waking up every few minutes. This lasted for 2 hours. My God. It is a horrible feeling, you don't want to try it. Also, I have been having flashes in my dreams of this coffee shop, that looks too big to be a coffee shop, or maybe it is two coffee shops adjoined together. Whatever it is, everytime I dream of it, I have a feeling of dread and a general feeling of uneasiness will wash over me. The strange thing is everytime I dream different people there with me. A lot of dreams of schooling and mixed images last night. Absolutely bad sleep. Finally woke up at 9 plus feeling that my brain lacked air, even though my nose wasn't badly blocked and nothing was covering my nose. Also, the feeling of being punched repeatedly in the stomach. Basically, feeling like crap.
Mulled around in the house again for the first few hours. Heard the National Anthem on television again for the first time since god knows when. Then I remembered all the times I sang the national anthem every morning first on the De La Salle basketball courts, then on the SJI track, then on the AJC assembly ground. And after JC, many people never sing the national anthem every again. Somehow I miss those times, the schooling days where everyone was together, when we would be annoyed with wearing a tie on specific days, when people would complain about singing the national anthem everyday, when teachers realise too many students have "disappeared" and go over to the neighbouring class to "borrow" students to fill the gaps. Extend all this to using the staff room as a corridor to cut across the school, sleeping in class/lectures/tutorials, playing pikachu volleyball and liero in the library and computer labs, taking photos frequently all around the school and passing a certain black book around for entertainment. Haiz, those were the days.
"Those were the day my friend, we thought they'd never end, we'd sing and dance forever and all day, we'd live the life we choose, we'd fight and never lose, for we were young and used to have our way....lalalalalala...."
The rest of the day was not worth describing, played a little of Warcraft III and a little housework. Think I miss nice TV programmes, like Louis Cha's works translated into drama serials. I missed the days when I would loyally watch shows like "She Diao", "Sheng Diao", "Tian Long Ba Bu" and "Yi Tian Tu Long". Honestly speaking "I've Got A Date With A Vampire" was quite good I felt, the first one of course. The sequel was rather illogical and crappy. Shows like Zhen Qing etc may be heart warming but then if it is 1000 episodes, I will go crazy watching them. Firstly, too long-drawn without any action is too boring for me. Secondly, I am a super TV addict. I will feel upset if I miss an episode, which is extremely bad for concentration. Thirdly, I prefer some action at least, or some sense of mystery in it. And the whole show about things blowing up or people being shot is not action, what's so exciting about that? Marvel about the way the person shoots? Can't even see the shot properly.
I'm bored. There's nothing new to do. There's some interesting news but I'm too tired to be bothered to find the article online and link it here, so that's that. Yawnz. I'm bored of doing the same activities over and over again. Maybe I need cable tv haha...crap, my parents would never agree to it... I wanted to write two articles today to post on my site, but I guess it's pretty late to start on it now. Maybe I will do it tomorrow or the day after. Just hope I dun lose the inspiration. And may sweet dreams come to me. Haha... By the way, check out today's quote, think its quite true to me. I'm too curious a person, sometimes people find me very kay poh....haha...
Thursday, 10 July 2003
Went down to NTU yesterday to collect my matriculation card. Junxian introduced two of his friends to me, and we tried to get to know each other. I noticed that there were many clusters of people around, most likely orientation groups since they were in relatively big groups and consisted of both girls and guys. I highly regret not going for the orientation camp now, but it is too late to do anything anyway. Therefore, I am now grabbing any chance to get to know more people from my course. I signed up for the heritage walk and any activities that would be available if I was free, except for the flag day, which I felt was quite silly. Why? Because they give you the can and you go around Singapore at any time, any location that day to collect donations, on your own. This meant you won't get to know new people, just whoever you can find to go with you to collect donations.
After collecting our matriculation card, we walked around NTU, looking for the key location points, as well as collecting our SARS kit. NTU is so mafan. We must wear something around our neck at all time on campus which holds our matriculation card if our temperature is normal. That is like so constricting. Anyway, after that, I went with Junxian's friends to eat lunch at Long John's Silver and we tried to get to know each other better. I purposely forced myself out of my shell yesterday and tried to be more open and chatty, just hope I didn't seem like I was overly friendly or dominating the conversation. Ok lah, think I did fine.
While is NTU I recieved an SMS from Wei Teck inviting me to his house if I wanted to, since his house was near NTU. Therefore, after lunch I went to Wei Teck's house, watched a bit of anime, watched some TV, talked a bit and looked over his new phone. His phone is quite nice, better than mine except that the screen is a bit small, the font is a bit ugly and the SMS function is slightly difficult to use. Otherwise, it is a nice phone. I called home and realised that nobody cooked, thus I stayed at Wei Teck's home for dinner and then borrowed some animes and movies before going home.
Today I went swimming with Mingwei and Bang at Bang's house. The water was so cold that if you stopped swimming for 5 minutes you would have caught a chill. After that , we went to settle some computer stuff at Toa Payoh and then Sim Lim Square. I had the prawn noodles at Toa Payoh for lunch. Well, its not bad, but then again I am not a big fan of prawn noodles. Haha... Reached home by 4 plus then went to take a nap, because I was so tired from being awakened by my brother in the morning again. Sigh. This has to be solved. It is freaking irritating.
I think I reached an equilibrium with myself, more or less. There's nothing I can do if I keep worrying so much so I will just hope for the best and open myself up, take things as they come. Hopefully this equilibrium will stay and not tip again. I actually wanted to spend the last two weeks studying but then again, I will spend the next three years studying so what is four months of play compared to three years of studying. Anyway, once all of us enter University, depending on our courses, we may not even be free to meet every three months, so I will divide my time to go out and maybe settled what remaining stuff I have to before University starts. Since my library books are returned already, I have no current chores at hand that are urgent, but I think I will spend a slow day at home tomorrow packing up my stuff.
