Tom: "In the Phillippines, when a babies crying, you have to suck on it's penis to make it stop crying. I guess that makes me philipino. The same thing goes with me, if I'm crying, you suck on my penis."
Tom: "I don't know why I am in this band, I am the only guy that likes girls. I'm the only one that believes that guys and girls should be together and that babies should be made through the penis vagina way. The old way. These guys are trying to create some weird, uh, wacky, maybe the penis in the butt will get a kid. I don't know, I don't think that works" (laughing)
Mark: "What?"
Tom: "No, dude, don't come here and act like your like, heterosexual."
"We reserve the right to make fun of every single person on planet Earth." - mark
"i wish they had weiner farms, cause then maybe i could get a bigger one." - mark
"We speak for all males, we write songs hoping that girls will like us dirty rotten boys for a long time." - tom
"Travis does his own thing and ignores me and Tom." � mark
"We're like Fisher Price: My First Punk Band." - mark
"I pray at night, but i don't think God's happy about the words we say onstage." - tom
"You know what's really embarassing? When you go to the emergency room and you have
to convince the doctor that you slipped and fell on the G.I. Joe - and explain why it was
lubricated." - mark
"Dude, you ever try to buy $500 of heroin with a third-party out-of-state check?" - mark
"I think sex is a race to orgasm - and I'm undefeated." � mark
"I was all, 'I need a word that goes "duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh,"' and [Mark] goes, 'commiserating!'
I called people to make sure it meant what we thought it did." � tom
"Most people think we're just like this onstage, but we talk about poop all the time." - tom
"We believe that people can come to a show, take off their clothes, and run around and have
a good time." - tom
"All those teens out there, you have to see a counselor! Mark just took every English class
in the world and didn't know they had nothing to do with his major!" � tom
"I think they're superfunny but you would never hear me [talking like them]. If I feel like
being a potty mouth in the privacy of my own home, i will. I just don't have it in me to do
it in front of ten thousand strangers." - [gasp] travis, about mark and tom
"But on her deathbed, my mom told me to keep on playing music, to go for my dreams. That's
pretty much why I kept on doing it." - travis
"I finally found true love... I bought a hamster, and I've never felt emotions this deep before." - mark
"A lot of guys like to fantasize about having sex with 2 girls at the same time... I like
to fantasize about having sex with the same girl twice, thank you." -mark
Mark: "I suffer from immature ejaculation."
Tom: "So... you have orgasms on underage kids?! That's so sick. Mark is so fucking sick."
Mark: "Hey, I'm a master."
"Hey Tom look... this dude is calling us sellouts. HELLO. You just paid 20 bucks to see US." -mark
"Put those away you underage freak. If I wanted to see a 13 year old's boobs i would hang out with my sister." -mark
Mark: "Who ordered the naked midgit?!"
Tom: "That would be me."
"This song is really hard to play, so if you all would shut the fuck up, maybe i can concentrate" -tom
"I model a lot of enemas. I model enema bags." - tom
"Hey. This is normal celery. But watch what happens when you take it out here."
(tom goes to open window.down below lots of screaming fans)
"HEY!" - tom to crowd, throwing celery out into the crowd
*crowd cheers*
"They're all vegetarians." - tom
"And basically I just want you to know that I am responsible for anything good the band has to offer." - tom
"My birthday is March 15th, which makes me a Pisces, which means that I'm very sexy." - mark
"Please don't throw up your dirty toilet paper. I'm not hungry." - tom, talking to fans
"People people people
Where's the love in this world?
People people people
Where's the love in this world?
Because you're all my brothers and sisters
We all love with one heart
So why won't some girl suck my cock?" - mark
"I'm not gay. A lot of people think I'm gay. I have a girlfriend. She thinks I'm gay too." - tom
Tom: "I have a Canker Sore and it got bigger, so I asked Dr. Bruce, you know, to help me out on
what he thinks it might be. We're hoping it's nothing creepy"
Mark: "However, the prognosis about his canker sore is pretty much the same as the prognosis on tom's
penis. It's not the biggest one that Dr. Bruce has ever seen, but it's the placement of it
that bothers him."
"My nuts taste better with fudge." - tom
"I'm probably the sexiest and the best in bed. Even if I'm by myself in bed." - tom
"It's Travis' sweat, cause we fucked in the butt. Travis fucked me in the butt, and I sweated so much that
I came." -mark
"I love to masturbate. I just love to give myself orgasms. I love to deliver orgasms to the masses. Deliver my orgasms..." - tom
"Alright, if i had to sleep with a man it would be Harrison Ford." - mark
"Everything is beautiful in this band." - travis
"The photo session is going actually quite well. I really enjoy getting make-up and my butt worked on. What I do normally before any photo shoot is I get my butt spackled, shaved, waxed, massaged and buffed." - tom
"Take off your pants
Sister brother dad cousin
Nipples are big
You have a dozen" - tom
"Hey, don't tell me what to play. Fuck it. Fuck you." - tom
"Take off your pants dad
Your penis is the biggest thing
My butt's ever had
Cause I know
It feels so good." tom
"We are just a silly little punk band." - travis
"We take our music very seriously." - tom
"Some people think we're idiots and perverts, which we are." - tom
"Hard work, studying and perseverance will get you no where in life......it's all about kissing ass" - mark
"We've matured as song writers and musicians, but we have not matured as people or as human beings." - mark
"We're professionals. You might not have noticed that, but we are professionals at what we do. We just professionaly suck and professionaly act like a bunch of asswholes on stage that's what we do. We're just as god made us." - tom
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