Disclaimer: I don't own Sam or any other person in the fic (not that I can remember mentioning another person)
Notes: I haven't seen D&C yet and most probably never will.
Beta: not beta read

Untitled

Now I'm lying here in my bed. I have no clue what I'm about to do next. I wait for the live to go on. Also I don't want it to go on. I want to turn back the time and safe him. Why had it to be him? Why couldn't it have been me? Why did nobody test him? Why? Why? Why? That brings nothing. He's dead! Forever! And I can't change it. Oh how I wish I could.

The only thing I'm thinking about is something we -I- could have done different. Something that would have saved his life. I could have said the truth earlier. Then there would have been time enough to test him. If, if, if... all things we could have done but didn't. It's all my fault that he's dead. That I had to shoot him. Why did I shoot him at all? How could I?

God how I miss him. his smile, his voice, every little detail that made him so special. And I'm not able to see or hear it anymore. What have I done?

I didn't thought that I could cry more. I thought that ever single tear was cried out. But now I'm starting all over again. I cry myself to sleep. Just like the days before. Not wanting to live any longer with all the guilt and loss.

The End

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