Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.
Beta: Lex

Falling and Healing

FALLING

House was sitting in the supply room, staring at the knife in his hand. Cuddy was watching Vogler firing him now. At least he had made sure his patients would be taken care of.

He was just setting the knife on his wrist, ready to cut, when the door was thrown open.

Paying no attention, other than inwardly cursing about losing his concentration momentarily, House prepared himself for another attempt at a steady cut, holding the hand over the cup beneath it.

House was forced to stay his cutting hand and look up when someone sat down in his lap, pinning him to the floor.

"Don't do it because I was stupid enough to fall into Vogler's trap," pleaded Chase. "Especially not now that he's gone and everything's back to normal."

House looked down at the bleeding line on his wrist. It was only a minor cut, nothing dangerous yet. The pain was nothing, compared to being close to Chase again.

"I'm sorry. I overreacted and I... I'm sorry. I still love you. I should have heard you out when you wanted to talk to me about my father. For all I know, you could have had an apology ready," continued Chase.

With that Chase collapsed and hugged House tightly. Astonished, House let the knife drop to the floor and hugged the younger man back. Neither of them cared about the tears falling from their eyes.

PRETENDING

Once they had calmed down they went to House's office, where they celebrated the departure of Edward Vogler. Both knew that their happiness was an act, but they still pretended that everything was alright, that nothing was wrong. Then again, who could be happy after all that had happened? Both could see the underlying tension in the other.

Foreman didn't need to know and House didn't want Wilson to know how low he had sunk - at least, not so soon after it had happened. This wasn't something he was willing to share with anyone. All that mattered now was that things were back to normal.

In the end the pretending wasn't all too difficult. Wilson was just glad that he had his job back and Foreman was relaxing now that the tension was gone.

When Cuddy came in and mourned the loss of so much money, House wished that he was able to turn back time and have Cuddy vote against him and that he'd picked a better place to do the deed. Nonetheless, he pretended that everything was right, that Chase didn't watch his every move, that there weren't so many problems in their relationship, and, most of all, that they weren't both always conscious that House had attempted suicide.

It didn't take long for things to break up after Cuddy left shortly thereafter. Wilson said something about having to put everything back in place in his office and Foreman mentioned a date, the mood just being too sombre after Cuddy left to mourn the lost money on her own. They all knew that the money could have saved patients and it was a big loss for the hospital.

He wasn't scared about his talk with Chase. He wasn't. It was just that he was afraid to confront their problems. To stop pretending that nothing was wrong.

TALKING

Without saying anything, both ended up at House's place. Silently they entered the living room, avoiding each other's gaze.

After some time Chase started, "I'm sorry I went to Vogler. I shouldn't have let my hurt feelings get involved."

"I shouldn't have pushed you so hard," admitted House.

Once again silence settled between them, neither knowing what to say. House took the time to sit down, followed by Chase.

After some time, House said, "It's easy to pretend that nothing is wrong."

"It won't make things better, though. It just lets them fester until they blow up. How about we tell each other what we don't like about the other or this relationship, followed by what we like," suggested Chase.

House thought for a moment, "There isn't much that's negative about you. I think it's cute the way you eat your pens or how you just come to me to snuggle. I like that you stand up to me when it matters and know when to back down. You're perfect."

Chase was blushing, House noticed. Just one more thing he liked about the blonde. There simply were too many things to list.

"I don't like that you can't accept a 'No'. That there are times when you pull back without telling me what's going on but when I want to do the same, you won't let me. I love the way you take care of me when I'm feeling down after a case. How you show you care about me. I love your humour. I love watching you," said Chase.

House looked at him in silence. He had never realised how much he had smothered the younger man while demanding his own freedom. Had never stopped to think. That was the problem. He had never thought about the younger man.

Before House could respond, Chase added, "I know you're uncomfortable showing your feelings in front of others and I don't expect you to do it. I just want you to know when to stop before someone gets hurt in the process, when to draw the line."

House nodded, understanding what the younger man was saying. It would take some time getting used to. He'd have to relearn that. He'd have to learn how not to hang on to his anger about the events surrounding his infarction, have to learn how to let joy into his life once again.

Before he could say anything, Chase was moving over, curling up in his lap, mindful of his bad leg.

MAKING UP (FRAO)

CONFESSING

Chase was surprised at how long it had taken Wilson to ask what was wrong with House. He'd expected it earlier. Nonetheless, it was up to him to tell Wilson what had happened.

He was only glad that he had already cleared what he should say with his lover.

"We're back together and solving the problems we ignored the last time," explained Chase.

Wilson was't satisfied with the answer and objected, "There's more than that. He's... he's thinking more. Presents himself differently, more seriously..."

"This isn't the place to discuss this," said Chase. He was allowed to tell Wilson if the other man asked, but Chase hadn't been sure that the question would ever come up, and hadn't thought ahead about such an in-depth discussion. He'd expected that Wilson would have talked directly to House.

While Chase contemplated this, they arrived in Wilson's office and went in. Wilson waited in front of his desk, while Chase closed the door.

"What's really wrong with House?" asked Wilson, worried.

Chase sighed and answered, "He tried to kill himself. The day Vogler was voted out instead of House. He was so sure that he'd be fired, had wanted it even. I found him before he could do anything, though. It was the turning point for us. The moment neither of us could go on pretending anymore."

"You talked?" asked Wilson, torn between calm and worry.

Chase nodded, "We did. We talked about what we liked and disliked about each other. Or more accurately, I told him what I disliked, as House didn't find anything to dislike. We're talking more now. He's trying to be less angry at the world and the fact that he can't use his leg as he wants to. It's not really about the pain he's feeling, but what he can't do anymore."

"I thought he'd gotten over that. I never..." began Wilson.

Chase interrupted him, "He lied to himself about it. Pretended that he was over it. To say it in his words, 'it's easy to pretend nothing is wrong, that everything is alright'"

"I guess it is," agreed Wilson sadly. "Will he be alright again?"

"I think so. We're learning to rely on each other, not to keep everything inside. You don't know how good it can feel to scream at him and let everything out! And House gets some relief from all his tension when he rages about how unfair everything is. Maybe a bit too much even," responded Chase seriously.

Wilson nodded relieved, "That's good to hear. We always tried to give him his space, but maybe that was the wrong thing to do."

"Anyway, whatever it is you're doing, keep it up, because it's working," commented Wilson after a while.

Chase smiled at Wilson in relief, glad that the other man approved of his new relationship with House and Wilson returned it equally glad that House had found someone who was so obviously good for him.

The End

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