It’s
kind of weird. In the end, I suppose that it was inevitable. One girl against
the forces of darkness, not the greatest of odds. She had to keep beating them
thousands of times; they only had to take her down once. Buffy lost just one
battle and it was all over. For all of us.
It’s
strange, the fragmented things that your memory fixates on: the last few drops
of blood dribbling down her neck and soaking into her blonde hair, the sound of
Dawnie calling out her sister’s name over and over.
I
just remember feeling numb. Oddly though, the time between the bastard killing
Buff and the ritual, I really don’t remember very well. It’s all kind of fuzzy.
Bits and pieces come back to me, here and there, but there are major things
that I just don’t recall. I don’t even remember where they had us locked up
like animals. I have vague memories, flashes really, of what it was like but
nothing concrete. I can remember the floor being cold. I remember that it was
dark and that there was a bare light bulb hanging on the wall across from the
only door to the room. It would blind me every time one of the blood suckers
would come for one of us.
I
also remember wondering how much force it would take to smash my skull in
against the stone wall. It seemed like a better way to go at the time.
I
don’t remember how many days went by, or even the names and faces of those that
were locked up with me.
Some
things are achingly clear though. I remember being dragged before that blood
sucking, murderous, back stabbing… backstabber. He was sitting there, holding
court. It was a good thing a couple of minions had a hold of me or I would have
done something really stupid.
I
know, not a shocker. It’s not like even then I didn’t know I couldn’t possibly
take him. But hey, blind rage does funny things to people. He had this smirk on
his face, he was just so damned pleased with himself. I think he kept me alive
that long just so he’d have someone to gloat to.
There
were vamps everywhere. I don’t know how he managed to get so many minions in
such a short time. Of course I suppose lots of lower level demons flocked to
him after he killed Buffy Summers. And it’s not like Angelus didn’t have his
own rep. Now that he’d gotten rid of that pesky soul of his, lots of evil
flunkies were lining up to ride on his coattails.
The
evil undead looked me up and down really slowly. It made me uncomfortable in a
kind of scared to death, “come sit on Santa’s lap, Jimmy” kind a way. He
chuckled and shook his head at me, before turning to his left to a crowd of his
lackeys.
“Doesn’t
really seem worth it. Are you sure you want to do this? There’s still time to
change your mind, my boy,” Angelus chuckled.
The
next voice I heard turned my blood to ice water. “Let’s bloody well get on with
this.”
The
sad thing is that a tiny part of me was comforted by the bleached one’s
presence, even though it was obvious he was with them. They parted the way for him like he was some sort of
chosen one.
His
face was totally blank as he came for me. His left hand wrapped around the back
of my neck. It was like being held in a vice. I’d let myself forget just how
strong he really is. The two flunkies that had been holding me let go and
stepped back, merging into the crowd. Not that it made any difference. I was on
the ground before I even knew what was happening.
“I
knew we couldn’t trust you. I knew you’d turn on us,” I spat, fully expecting
those to be my last words. I wasn’t really surprised when he ripped off what
was left of my shirt, but I froze when his free hand went after the buttons of
my jeans. The shock only lasted a second, and then I started to struggle. I
tried to fight him as hard as I could, but it was like trying to loosen a
statues’ grip.
Just
like that I was naked in front of tall dark and evil’s fan club. I could hear
them cheering in the background clapping and urging Spike on. I
just started shaking my head from side to side and whispering no over and over
again, as if somehow that would stop him. I think I started adding please when
I heard the zipper from his jeans being pulled down. Or maybe I imagined it;
with all the noise the crowd was making I don’t see how I could have picked up that
sound. It doesn’t really matter, I guess, whether I heard it or not. It doesn’t
change what happened next.
It
hurt so much, I can’t really think of words to describe it. I thought I was
going to pass out from the pain. I wished I would have. I can still remember
Angelus laughing in the background. I’m not sure exactly, when I started
crying, but I know that I did. It seemed to go on forever and ever. After a
while I just stopped fighting him. I just sort of laid there, and prayed it
would be over soon.
He
didn’t say a word to me the entire time. He barely even looked at me. I was
actually surprised that he didn’t smack me when I started fighting him. In a
way it was worse that he didn’t. It made me feel even more insignificant and
weak, like I wasn’t the slightest bit of a threat to him. He just kept me
pinned down without any effort at all.
When
he switched to his real face I wasn’t scared, I was grateful. He spoke to me
for the first time then. He looked me right in the eyes.
I
couldn’t understand what was being said. I’m not an expert, but it sounded like
something out of one of Giles’ dusty old books. I did pick up my name somewhere
in the middle of Blondies’ speech. He switched his grip on me and all of a
sudden my upper body was being lifted towards him. He was still inside me,
mercilessly pumping in and out, ripping me up inside. I could feel something
warm and wet running down my backside and between my thighs. I knew it was my
own blood.
I
didn’t resist when he brought my neck the rest of the way up to his lips. I
shuddered when I felt his tongue lapping at my throat, but I barely felt his
fangs pierce my skin. I wish I could say that it was rapture, and that I
suddenly understood why Riley Finn had done what he did. I think I was in too
much pain at the time though. Not so much though, that I didn’t feel the warm
wave of magic washing over us, binding me to William the bloody for the rest of
my life.