 |
| PAIN, PAIN, GO AWAY! by Andries Cane |
| I made the conscious decision to die, and I began the downward spiral of mental, physical, and emotional deterioration. I'm not writing this from my grave, but it was a very close call. From the beginning, it seemed like just another motorcycle accident that would soon be little but a memory. The injuries were minor, compared to others I have had from martial arts, motorcycles, and general clumsiness. It was just a fractured tibia, a few abrasions, and a twisted back. Since I have always been a remarkably fast healer, I wasn't very concerned. Over the next year my condition deteriorated, instead of disappearing as I expected. It wasn't long before I was unable to teach my martial arts classes, and my personal relationships were floundering. My wife of nine years was suffering as much as I was, though I couldn't see past my own suffering and the constant, unrelenting pain that left me in despair. I became bitter, angry, depressed... I hated that my body had betrayed me. The pain became my focus, and to handle it, I withdrew from my physical self. I tried the regular pain medicine, but nothing made it go away. For years I went without sleeping for more than a couple of hours at a time because even lying down was uncomfortable. My wife watched my gradual deterioration and tried many ways to help. If she had given up on me, I would never have made it, because I had no will of my own to live. She got tired of watching me go through the motions of living, so one day, she sold and gave away most of our possessions, piled me into our van, and drove us out of Texas. We ended up in Colorado for a while, but on the way a miracle occurred (next to the Rio Grande river) in New Mexico. After 10 years of marriage, Renae became pregnant. Amazingly, we both knew it right away. I knew that my earlier decision to die was no longer an option. I didn't want to miss my child growing up, so now I had to find a way back from being a Shadow Person. I came up with that term after I started to recover. When I was a Shadow Person, around other people I would act like I was alive and okay, but I no longer had any real interests. I could no longer feel real joy, real love, or even real sorrow. Since that stage, I have seen quite a few people like that. You can just feel how disconnected they are from everything around them. Although they can converse, they are just repeating things they have said a hundred, or even a thousand times before. When our children were born, (Surprise! We had twins!) Renae and I had no energy to work on anything besides survival. What a time that was, and as hard as it was, they were what we needed. These wondrous beings were gradually pulling me out of my total self-absorption and misery. And I couldn't resist these tiny blessings who needed me. I fell in love with Renae all over again, and fell in love with our beautiful girls. One of the most important ideas I had from this stage was that I AM NOT MY BODY. I am much bigger than that, and I always have been. I can feel joy, though my body might be in severe pain. My focus on my body had separated me from my family, my friends, myself, and I was determined to "get my old life back". After a while, though, I knew that was impossible. I had already moved into a new life with new goals, new understandings, and a new body. Yes, even my pain is new every day. I still experience pain sometimes, but now I use my nonphysical talents more than I ever have, and I live at a deeper, more fulfilling level than I ever have before. Coming back from death has given me a greater appreciation for my life. I found new ways of managing the pain my body used to have, and I practiced being me instead of my body. I still focus on being here NOW, in this moment. I give thanks for the blessings I do enjoy, every day. I begin every day by appreciating everything around me, and go to bed at night appreciating the same way. Living, for me, begins with these ideas: 1) I am not my body. I am so much more than that.. 2) I have moved into a place of personal power where I consider the motorcycle accident, a motorcycle on-purpose. 3) My life experiences have expanded tremendously, along with the joy, love, and excitement that real living exemplifies. 4) By the way I haven't taken any pain medication for two years, and rarely experience any significant pain. Now, if I do, I tap on it utilizing Faster EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) I hope you'll try it. If you are suffering with chronic pain and feel like you're losing the battle, then just give up. Refuse to fight it... it is not a punishment or a test, and it is there for a reason. If I had never had that pain, I would never have known how much deeper I could live. I was a lifetime martial artist, earning 14 black belt degrees in 4 martial arts, but I did not realize that that nice image was also keeping me from being anything more than that. Just stop and ask yourself the question, "What good have I experienced from this condition?" It is already there, and pushing it away doesn't really work...only acceptance will do. Don't feel guilty or put blame on your body or your spirit. Embrace everything, know that you are blessed, share with others, open yourself to Love, allow your life to become rich and full. Give the rest of us the opportunity to experience the wondrous you, to bask in the Light you cast, and to feel the pure Love that you are in your heart. Every one of us has treasures to share with the world, and we bless others when we are open to receive the gifts they can give. Consider your deepest desires, the ones that are truly eternal and real, such as the desires for love, fun, peace, adventure, acceptance, excitement, and abundance. If you want any of these, there's only one way to receive them. It's sooooo easy, but most of us try just about everything except what works. If you want more love, give more love, acceptance, and appreciation to everyone. If you want fun and excitement, see everything as potential fun and use your creativity to make it so. If it's money that you wish for, apply the true Law of Prosperity: Generosity preceeds Abundance, and the Law of Attraction can bring you all that you desire. |
 |