The Schlotzsky's Urban Legends Home Page presents:
One day, in a town very similar to your own lived a boy named Josh. Josh was like any other fifteen year old hormone-driven teenager, except for one thing. He had an insatiable desire for bacon.
Young Josh, being of legal working age, one day set out on an adventure to find a job. His search led him far and wide, until he finally approached a sandwich shop known as Schlotzsky's. The manager, hearing of his plight, took mercy on young Josh and hired him to help make sandwiches in his restaurant. Josh was overjoyed to hear of his new-found employment and quickly ran home to tell the news to his family.
As the months passed, young Josh became very fond of his job. He would oftentimes arrive early just to smell the freshly baking bread and the soups being prepared for the day's hungry customers. Josh would go about his job cheerfully, always taking time to lend a kind word to a customer or correct a mistake made by another employee. Yes indeed, Josh loved his job.
Then, one fateful day, Josh was feeling a bit peckish and desperately wanted to eat some of the bacon Schlotzsky's made available for various sandwiches. As the day went on, he would stand at the Meat-and-Cheese station, watching the sandwiches file through the oven, dreading each Turkey and Bacon Club that would come through. He looked with quiet desperation at the bin of bacon slices, wishing that, just once, he could fill his mouth full of that luscious bacon and be satisfied.
At 11:30, he had to face the worst temptation of his life. That morning at 10:00, he had cut open the brand new package of bacon, removing each slice with tender care and placing it in the clear plastic bin. At 10:30, he had to fill an order for three Turkey and Bacon Club sandwiches, each of which required that he place five slices of bacon on the bottom side of the bun. It was now 11:30, and after an hour and a half of gazing longingly at the bin of bacon, he concluded that he could take no more.
A the flow of sandwiches weakened, Josh began to caress the bacon in his hands. He felt the greasiness of the bacon fat starkly contrasting the firm meaty sections, and his mouth began to water. He looked around to make sure that no one would see him in his act of perpetration of the Health Codes. He picked up one slice of bacon, a particularly firm and meaty piece and slipped it slowly into his mouth. He savored the flavor of the bacon oozing onto his tongue and down his throat. At last, he was satisfied.
Once Josh had begun to eat the bacon, it was very apparent that he was not going to be able to stop. With each passing sandwich, he ate more and more bacon, gorging his mouth until it could hold no more. Ravenously, he gnawed at the bacon until little was left in the container. After an hour, the container was empty. Josh had eaten almost four pounds of bacon in in the span of an hour. As he stood in amazement, staring at the empty container that lay before him, Josh was stricken with guilt. What if the manager found out? What if the health department found out that he had been eating in the food preparation area? What if the bacon suddenly made him sick?
And then the worst of all his dreaded nightmares came true. As Josh placed the Swiss cheese on a Pastrami and Cheese sandwich on Rye bread, he felt his stomach give a ferocious moan, and he felt an uncontrollable gurgling in his lower intestines. He squelched his pain and his embarrassment over the preceeding events which were now quite obvious to all employees. One coworker had noticed the suspicious absence of bacon and the appearance of a greasy ring around Josh's mouth and made the conclusion that Josh must have been the reason for the missing bacon.
An hour went by, and Josh was in noticible pain. He could be seen grimacing in pain from anywhere in the kitchen. To alleviate the intestinal discomfort, he could be seen crosssing his legs and bending at the waist. He tried to hide behind the Meat-and-Cheese station, but it was obvious to any onlooker what the source of his strange movements was. On occasion, his coworkers would joke with him in an attempt to make him feel better, but the jokes would always turn against poor Josh, and the employees would begin to point at him and laugh, proclaiming him to be "The Bacon Boy."
Being human Josh could only withstand so much pointing and name-calling before he was pushed over the edge. During one especially ferocious taunting session, and audible rumble, followed by a loud gurgling and bubbling sound erupted from his intestines, and Josh knew that he could no longer hide his gastro-intestinal disturbances. Josh let out a ferocious shriek and exclaimed "I'm gonna be sick!" while quickly making his way to the bathroom. His condition could clearly be seen by the characteristic gait he displayed. He seemed to hop from one foot to the other while keeping his knees locked and his buttocks clenched tightly.
The rest of the employees looked at each other, each expression more stunned than the last. The Bacon Boy had succummed to the wrath of the bacon. Business went on as usual for a few minutes until someone noticed that Josh had not returned from the bathroom yet. The joking and taunting had begun again, for it had been close to ten minutes since josh had first made his way to the men's room. One employee refilled the bacon bin while yet another took over his spot at the Meat-and-Cheese station. Another ten minutes passed, and soon his coworkers began to worry about him. Had the bacon caused irreparable damage to his digestive track? Would an ambulance have to be called? Would it be sanitary to have him return to work?
Another five minutes had passed by the time Josh made his way back from the bathroom. As he approached the kitchen area, he was met with a wave of enthusiasm and a round of applause. Each employee patted him on the back and congratulated him for enduring his pain for so long. Josh met each congratulation with a look of disgust and lingering discomfort. "I've never been so sick in my life," Josh said. The employees began to giggle, but young Josh did not find it funny. The manager asked him to return to his position at the Meat-and-Cheese station, but when he approached the now full bacon bin, it seemed as though his whole body convulsed. "I'm not going NEAR that bacon again!"
The manager humored Josh and let him run the register for the rest of his shift. He seemed to feel better, but each time a few minutes would pass, with Josh being left alone, his coworkers would take turns going to the register area to taunt him. They would take a handful of bacon to him and place it on his shoulder or his hat, or recomment that he taste a strip of the bacon out of the newly opened pack to make sure it was ok. Each comment was met with a look of anger, quickly followed by a face of anguish at the thought of consuming more bacon.
As the time rolled around for him to leave, the manager made what appeared to be a very generous gesture. He approached Josh with a small container with a lid on it. "I got you a bowl of soup," the manager said. "I know that soup usually makes me feel better when I'm sick." Josh seemed very grateful for the gesture, and grabbed a spoon so he could eat his soup. He removed the lid, and a puff of steam came up from the bowl. He stirred it a little, took a large spoonful of it from the bowl, blew on it to cool it off, and put it in his mouth. As he did, a small group of employees that had gathered around him began to chuckle with delight. He gave a questioning look at everyone, but continued to eat his soup. After a bite or two more, he realized why everyone was laughing. As a look of horror encompassed his face, the group of employees began to laugh hysterically. Everyone was bent in two laughing because the soup of the day had been potato bacon.
No one heard much from the Bacon Boy after that day. Some have their theories that he ran away to join a tribe of nomadic vegetarians. Others believe him to be the owner of a pig farm. Where ever he may be now, the Legend of Bacon Boy will live on in the hearts and minds of all Schlotzsky's employees for years to come.