Looks like I tried to stop thinking..and succeeded for a while :-)
But now ...those old stray thoughts are roaming round my brain...again
lol...I think I'm going to have to stop thinking or else do something with this page....lol
Sometimes sharing a delightful discovery becomes a shameful process and innocent pleasure is transformed into guilt.
All his life he has been the wounded martyr, responsible victim. Things can only change when he is willing to give up that role.
That is the lesson we both need to learn.
Sometimes I wonder if love will be enough. The urge to press for something concrete is almost irresistable even though the head knows full well that loose gravel is too much to ask for at this moment.
Sometimes it is a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils. What makes it difficult is that determining the "lesser" is much more easily done after the fact than before.
I wonder why it so often seems to be that the things that turn out to be best for us are always among the most confusing and painful experiences to live through. After all these years one would think that mankind would have figured out how to grow in the good stuff. But oh no, for some weird reason we always have to wait for the "manure" to make any meaningful gains. I was at a dinner the other evening where one of the conversational ice-breakers was
"What experience changed your life?" "How?" ....(whatever happened to small talk...lol) My answer was the moment I am currently living and I haven't a clue how.
I'm finding that a little scary.
What do you do when the only guest for Valentine's Day will be your lonely heart?
You build your own page :-)
Sometimes it's the little things of life that tick you off. Not the insignificant things...just the ones that won't mean much in the overall scheme but that assume huge importance for the moment that they have your attention. I think that is a good thing. It makes a break from pondering the real meaning of life..and what a way to let off steam when there is no other direction in which to vent it..lol
The thoughts of my mind are strangely jumbled...although there are some who would say there is nothing strange about that. Decisions, actions, none seem to have the effect that they were supposed to . Without the authority to schedule staff, create programmes, develop a budget, ...there really isn't anything for an excess manager to do...but hang-out till we get called in (along with umpteen specialists)
Happy New Year Baby :-)
I always think of New Years Eve as a "couples" night, and since I am not a couple at present, I have declined the invitations of friends, and choose to spend the evening at home. The children are out with their respective "others" and I have the place to myself. As I review the year that has passed and ponder the one to come there is only one thing I know for certain. It is easier to be home alone than be alone in a crowd...and neither of them feels very good at the moment. Ah well a New Year is only hours away.
Well they are all home....the children of my being, and one of their significant others, and that very special child of my heart. It has been a while and there were moments when I found myself experiencing a strange sense of existentialism ....like I was watching a play. Good thing I liked it because I am pretty sure the house isn't giving reruns on this show...lol
It's like an underlying ache, so constant that you hardly know it's there until it is brought into sharp relief, by a word, a gesture, a circumstance. Then the pain hits so overwhelming that it is hard to believe that no one can read it on your face, hear it in your voice, feel it radiating through your body.....and their total unawareness merely emphasises how alone you really are.
lol...I thought I had this webpage thing all figured out....now I've gone and deleted what I wanted to keep and kept a bunch of stuff I'm not sure is useful....writing does imitate life...lol