I Miss Nixon!

Congratulations, Barack!
You're no Nixon, but we Love You Still!
I Miss Nixon!
Who would have thought it in August 1974? When we thought we were finally free of Tricky Dick, who would have thought any sane person would ever miss having that paranoid, immoral, antisocial schmuck as our chief executive?

Secret bombings, slush funds, and break-ins all look pretty tame, though, compared to the atrocities (both metaphorical and literal) of the current administration.

Bush Makes Me Miss Nixon.

Even a comparison of the personal tastes of Bush and Nixon shows us how clearly superior Nixon is. If you were President and you could invite anybody you wanted to the White House, who would you invite?

I Want Nixon Back!

In the presidential election of 2008, there are several possibilities for re-establishing the greatness (or at least lack of overt evil) that was the Nixon administration. One possibility, already suggested by Matt Groening, is to elect the preserved head of Nixon for another term of office.

However, given that there is actually no proof that such a head exists, we might need to consider other possibilities. One would be to elect comedian Rich Little in 2008 to give his impression of a new Nixon presidency.

One slight drawback to this is that the Constitution requires the President to be a natural born citizen, and Rich Little was born in Ottawa, Canada.

It might also be possible to revive the Nixon administration by electing one of those fine, talented people who served the White House between 1969 and 1974. There are several drawbacks to this idea, as noted below:

Too old	Too dead	Too stupid
Earl Butz, born 1909	John Connally, died 1993	Pat Buchanan
George Schultz, born 1920	John Mitchell, died 1988	Dick Darman
Walter Hickel, born 1919	George Romney, died 1995	Chuck Colson
William Saxbe, born 1916	Peter Brennen, died 1996	Lamar Alexander

Of course, if you really want a Nixon in the White House, there are only three possible choices for 2008:

Edward Nixon, 76, the President�s brother	Patricia Cox, 60, the President�s daughter	Julie Eisenhower, 58, the President�s daughter

There are also four grandchildren, but they won�t meet the age requirement until the 2020 election.

Now, this is admittedly grasping for straws, but any of these Nixons would be better than G.W. Bush:

Otis Nixon, former Atlanta Brave	Trot Nixon, current Boston Red Sock	Donell Nixon, former Seattle Mariner

These guys could catch stuff that goes right over G.W.'s head.

Fun Otis Nixon quotes:

"I will cut your heart out!" To his bodyguard as he chased him with a knife, January 2004 (police were at a loss as to why Mr. Nixon needed a bodyguard).
"I was waiting for my female friend to arrive." To police, explaining why he was wearing no clothes at the time of the assault on his bodyguard.

Fun Richard Nixon quote:

"War is an option whose time has passed. Peace is the only option for the future. At present we occupy a treacherous no-man's-land between peace and war, a time of growing fear that our military might has expanded beyond our capacity to control it and our political differences widened beyond our ability to bridge them. . . .
"Short of changing human nature, therefore, the only way to achieve a practical, livable peace in a world of competing nations is to take the profit out of war."
**--Real Peace, 1983**

Take Action Now!
Return Us to those
Happy Days of the Past!
NIXON IN 2008!

Too old

Too dead

Too stupid

Edward Nixon, 76, the President�s brother

Patricia Cox, 60, the President�s daughter

Julie Eisenhower, 58, the President�s daughter

Otis Nixon, former Atlanta Brave

Trot Nixon, current Boston Red Sock

Donell Nixon, former Seattle Mariner

Otis Nixon,
former Atlanta Brave

Trot Nixon,
current Boston Red Sock

Donell Nixon,
former Seattle Mariner