Shaking on the outside
Because of what I'm feeling inside
My chest is fucking hurting
And my stomach's fucking burning

All I can do is scream. I stand there beside the bed, and I scream and scream and scream at you, and at him, and at everything that's suddenly happening to turn my whole life upside down. I grip my hair in my hands and scream some more, consumed by rage, hate, sorrow, anger, and pretty much every negative emotion you could possibly name. It's like you've injected pain into my body, and it's in my veins, coursing through me. I scream, to try to let it all out, but it won't leave me. I scream, to try to let you know how I feel, but you'll never understand.

My whole body's shaking, and my chest feels as though someone has shoved a million knives into it and twisted them. My stomach's burning, and I feel like I'm going to vomit. I want to vomit. I want to throw up on you, and your little slut, and show you what you've done to me. I want you to see how vile and putrid my insides have become, because of you. "Joel, please, stop!"

But I won't stop. I'll never stop screaming, I swear I won't.

I laugh when you are crying
And say inside you're dying
Because you gave up way too early
Your fucking pain is so deserving

I stop screaming.

You're crying. Like you're the one who's been hurt here. The little slut finally figures out he doesn't belong and flees the room, and I don't expect he'll ever call you again.

The laugh that erupts from my mouth comes as a surprise to both of us. I can't help it. You look pathetic, sitting there crying, begging me to listen to you, 'cause you're dying inside and you really just wanted some affection - and you couldn't get it from me, because I'm always on tour and blah blah blah. I get it. This is all my fault. You're the victim here.

I keep on laughing.

Don't wanna take it
Because I fucking hate it
Why do we talk when
All we do is argue?
Nothing to be said
Except you make me wish I was dead
This time I'm breaking off for good

You seriously think that I can just forget this and take you back, don't you? You think I'm laughing because I'm happy? You think I'm laughing to show you that I don't really mind, it's all gonna be okay? think again, Mason. I'm laughing because you're hurting. You fucking deserve to hurt. You deserve to be hurt, because you made me wish I was dead - no, scrap that, you made me wish I'd never even been born.

It's over. For good this time.

I never felt this way before
Open chest, heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
Until I met you

I never imagined being in so much pain. You know, I've been through a lot. I made it through the loss of a father, I made it through my mom going into an institute, I made it through my band falling apart. I don't think I can make it through this. I don't think I want to make it through this. I wish I was dead, but more than that, I wish you were dead.

You're begging me now. Pleading with me. You obviously aren't getting the message.

I fucking hate the way I'm feeling
Because this fucking life's not changing
You broke me down when you stopped caring
Your fucking misery's my healing

Why is everyone so cold? Why doesn't the world just flip upside down, and everyone can be nice to one another and love one another and never hurt anybody? I never would've hurt you, Mason. I bet you know that, don't you? I'm naive. So fucking naive.

But now I'm seeing clearly. You don't give a damn about me, you never did. But you know what? That's okay, because I don't give a damn about you anymore, either.

To prove my point, I toss a vase at your head. Damn. You're good at dodging things.

I hope you're miserable. I hope you hate yourself forever for what you've done to me.

Don't wanna take it
Because I fucking hate it
Why do we talk when
All we do is argue?
Nothing to be said
Except you make me wish I was dead
This time I'm breaking off for good

Just leave. No matter how many times I scream it at you, you don't go. You keep begging, pleading with me. If you don't leave soon, I'm going to kill you. I'm serious. I'm going to murder you if you don't leave. Seeing you in pain would be so very satisfying.

I never felt this way before
Open chest, heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
I never felt this way before
Open chest, heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
Until I met you

I approach you, and you look afraid, but the trust in your eyes is unmistakable. You think I'm going to take you in my arms and hold you close, the way I have so many times before. If you had any concept of what you've put me through in the past ten minutes, you'd think differently. You go to put your arms around me, and I allow it, although your touch makes my skin crawl. The heat in my body spreads like wildfire, and I take hold of your arms and squeeze them tight.

"Joel, stop, please, you're hurting me."

I laugh again, bitterly. I'm hurting you?

Until I met you
I never felt this way before
Open chest, heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
Until I met you
I never felt this way before
Until I met you

Your eyes boggle as I wrap my hands around your throat. They're strong, guitarist's hands, and I know this won't take long. You don't make a lot of noise, just a few quiet gagging and choking sounds. Your hands claw at mine, nails digging into my skin, and I start to bleed. It hurts, but I don't loosen my grip. The pain is slightly satisfying. It takes away from the pain inside.

You become still, but I hold on for another few minutes. You can never be too sure.

Then I walk into the bathroom and grab a razor blade. I look into the mirror for a moment, and whisper, "Sorry, Benji," to my reflection, before taking the blade to my wrist.

I never felt this way before
Until I met you