Joel stares down at me with this look of absolute amazement in his eyes. It's like he can't quite comprehend this is happening - he can't believe his lil Billy is letting this take place. It is pretty weird, in some ways, I'm the young one in Good Charlotte. The one everyone looks at as their - as much as I hate to say it - baby brother.

Then, of course, there's the other reason this is weird. No, 'weird' doesn't quite cut it. Try 'completely and totally fucked up to the point where you're going to hell whether you repent or not'. Joel murders my boyfriend - his identical twin brother - and he's rewarded. He kills the man I love, and instead of hating him like I should, I fall in love with him, and I'm about to sleep with him.

I push all these thoughts to the back of my brain as I stare up into his eyes, and he appears to snap out of whatever daze he's in. "Lube," he mutters, climbing off of me. "I don't wanna hurt you."

"I don't wanna hurt you."

Benji is sitting on the edge of his bed, completely naked, fidgeting nervously. I shift from my position leaning against the headboard and sit beside him, lacing our fingers together. "It's okay, Benj," I murmur. "I love you, okay? I trust you."

He nods slowly and turns his head to look into my eyes. I smile reassuringly, and he smiles back. "I'm just scared. I've never done this with someone I loved before."

"I've never done this with someone I loved before."

I look at Joel, who's just exited the bathroom and is standing beside the bed in his boxers, holding one of those conditioner sachets they give you in motels. I pat a spot on the bed beside me, and he takes a seat. I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him tight against me. "That's okay. I trust you, Joel."

He nods, lifting a hand to my face, and then kisses me; slowly, deeply, lovingly. He gently pushes me onto my back, and my whole body tingles in anticipation when I feel his weight on me, and the warmth of his already damp skin pressing onto my chest. My hands creep their way down to his boxers, and a few seconds later, they're around his knees. He kicks them off, careful not to accidentally hurt me. Then I pout as his lips disconnect from mine.

He doesn't look so happy with not being able to kiss me, either, so he hurriedly rips open our makeshift lubricant and spreads some over two of his fingers, and down his shaft. Then he leans down to kiss me again, and his tongue enters me at the same time as his index finger. He must've felt me shift in discomfort beneath him, because he breaks the kiss and presses his head lightly on mine. "If you want me to stop..."

"If you want me to stop..."

I shake my head, and Benji looks deep into my eyes, searching for a shadow of doubt. When he doesn't see any, he slowly starts to pump his finger in and out of me, and I relax a little as the experience becomes a little more comfortable. "Keep going," I mutter.

He pushed another finger into me, which feels fine until it reaches the second knuckle. I wince a little in pain, and he leans over to kiss my forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispers, "I wish there was a way to do this without hurting you."

"I'm sorry," Joel murmurs, "I wish there was a way to do this without hurting you."

I quickly press my lips on his, then take a few deep breaths. It's not so bad, I've been through this all before. I force myself to relax, and the rest of his finger pushes slowly into me. "Okay?"

I nod, and he starts moving his fingers in and out of me. His warm, coffee-coloured eyes don't leave mine for a second as he waits for me to relax. Then, without warning, his flicks his wrist so his fingers ghost over my prostate. I let out a low moan, closing my eyes, and when I open them again, he has a slight grin on his face. "Tell me when you're ready."

"Tell me when you're ready."

My hands cling to Benji's back as I hold him close to me. "I'm ready now. Just do it."

He takes a breath, pulling his fingers out of me, and lines himself up with my entrance. "You're sure?"

I nod and grit my teeth, waiting for the pain. He pushes an inch or so inside of me, as slowly as he can, and I have to bite down on my lip to keep from screaming. Tears sting my eyes, which are squeezed shut as I fight desperately to block out the throbbing. For a second I think I'm going to pass out, but then his sweet voice floats through the darkness and into my head. "Billy? Are you alright?"

I open my eyes and look up at him, and suddenly it doesn't hurt so much anymore. "Is that the worst of it?"

Benji nods, stroking my cheek with one hand. "Yeah. It'll get better from now on."

I smile a little. "Keep going."

"Keep going."

Joel slowly eases into me, keeping eye contact to watch for any signs that it's hurting me too much. I lift my hips to urge him on, so he begins to slowly move in and out of me, cupping my face in his hands. He presses his nose lightly on mine as he continues these slow thrusts, his ragged breath giving me chills as it brushes my lips. It still hurts, but it's starting to diminish and be replaced by the familiar pleasurable tingle. I lift my hips to meet his again. "You can speed up," I mumble, and he obliges.

There's almost no pain at all as he rocks into me faster, gliding easily in and out now. I lift my head off of the pillow to kiss him, and his lips devour mine hungrily. His tongue pushes into my mouth, lapping at every crevace, and his hands leave my face to rest on my hips.

Stars explode in front of my eyes as he hits that spot inside of me, and he pulls away just as I let out a long moan. "I love you, Billy."

I grunt as Joel hits my prostate again. "I love you too. Now faster."

He grins and starts to thrust into me at a quicker pace, so I can hear a nice slapping sound each time our bodies grind together. I reach for my own erection, but he bats my hand away, replacing it with his own. I moan again as his hand begins to pump up and down in time with his thrusts, and my vision starts to blur as he slams into my prostate, over and over again. "Getting close," I whimper.

"Getting close," I whimper.

Benji nods and kisses me again briefly. "Me too," he manages to mutter between heavy breaths, "really close."

If he hadn't told me, I would've known soon enough, as his thrusts are becoming more erratic. His hand glides up and down my length, quickly sending me so I'm teetering on the edge. He pumps in and out of me a few more times before he lets out the sexiest moan I've ever heard. "Oh my God, Billy..."

That sound is all I need, and I explode, coming all over his chest as he rocks into me one last time. "Fuck, Benji!"

"Fuck, Benji!"

My eyes shoot open as I realize what I've just said.

Joel just stares silently down at me, mouth and eyes wide open in shock and hurt.