There's something really, really special about waking up next to somebody and realizing that you can't imagine not waking up next to them anymore. I haven't spent many nights lying by Joel's side, but hell, now that Benji's gone, I want every morning to be like this. He looks beautiful, and I have an uncontrollable urge to kiss him awake.

I watch as Joel's bleary eyes pop open in surprise, then he smiles into the kiss and they flutter shut again. His arms tighten around my waist and he pulls me on top of him. I let my tongue creep into his mouth for a couple of seconds before pulling away. "Good morning, beautiful."

He blushes and brushes his lips on my bare shoulder. "Morning, Billy," he cranes his neck, trying to look over my shoulder at the clock. "What time is it?"

I glance behind me, then turn my attention back to the man lying underneath me, twirling a lock of his hair around my index finger. I really don't want to take my eyes off of him. "Seven."

Joel sighs, frowning, and I know it's because we're behind schedule. We've been leaving at six every day. "I don't wanna leave yet."

I lean down and kiss his neck once. "So let's not leave yet."

I kiss his neck again, this time sucking softly in one spot at the base on his right side, the exact place I know Benji liked to be kissed. Joel lets out a low groan, and I smile inwardly. Thanks to dating his twin, at least I know how to please him. His hands dance up and down my back, giving me chills, and then the only thing I'm aware of is his voice, and his warm breath on my ear. "Say you love me, Billy."

My lips detach themselves from his neck, and I lift my head enough to press my forehead onto his. My lips halt a couple of inches from his. "I love you, Joel."

He just stares for a moment, searching my eyes for any doubt, but I know he sees none. There's no doubt now. I do love him. It's wrong, it's twisted, and completely terrifying, but I love him, almost as much as I still love Benji. I don't think I'll ever stop loving Benji.

Then Joel's lips are on mine and he's rolling me onto my back, clambering on top of me. He straddles my hips as he kisses me hard, teasing my bottom lip with his tongue. I take the hint and open my mouth for him, and he immediately slips it in, playfully fighting with my own. Only then do I realize that my hands glossing over his firm, muscular stomach. He seems to notice this, and his hands wander over my bare chest and down, stopping at the hem of my boxers. I can't believe it. A week ago, I would've rather eaten an entire cow than been in this situation. Now, I want this. I need this.

Joel breaks the kiss and looks down at me as his thumbs hook under the elastic of my boxers, ready to pull them down. "Anytime you want me to stop, say so. Doesn't matter when or why, okay?"

"Anytime you want me to stop, say so. Doesn't matter when or why, okay?"

I nod, and Benji's lips meet mine briefly before beginning their descent, leaving a trail of soft kisses down my neck and chest. As his lips touch the sensitive skin of my stomach, he starts pulling my boxers slowly down. When they've reached my knees, he pulls away from me so he can pull them off, then kisses his way up one of my legs again. I let out a soft moan as he sucks gently on the inside of my thigh. "Benji..."

I gasp as I feel his hand slowly wrap around me, and when he looks up at me, I just about cream myself. He's fucking gorgeous. I watch him in awe as he licks his lips, before wrapping them around my head. I moan again as his tongue swirls around the tip, and then he starts to bob his head up and down, inching me further into his mouth. "God, feels so good..."

"God, feels so good..."

Joel takes my hand in his free one and squeezes it gently. My other hand sneaks its way down onto the back of his head, tangling in his hair, but I'm careful not to push. "Not gonna be long," I mutter through gritted teeth. This just makes him suck harder.

I involuntarily begin to buck my hips into him, and he releases both my hand and my cock to hold me down. Then he deepthroats me, enveloping me completely. He's obviously done this a few times before. Just when I think this couldn't get any better, he starts humming a tune I immediately recognise as "Wondering". This tips me over the edge. Fast. "Shit, Joel, I'm gonna..."

I don't even get to finish my sentence, and I let out a long, animalistic moan as I spill into his mouth. "Sorry," I mumble, but he doesn't seem to mind, as he swallows it all and wipes off his mouth with the back of his hand. I tug on his arms, urging him to come back to my level, and when his face is hovering over mind, I press my lips hard on his. I can taste myself on his tongue as it flits into my mouth briefly. Then he pulls away. "Billy, just so you know, we don't have to take this any further."

I nod my head, but even as I do that, my hands are creeping down to the edge of his boxers. "I know. But I need to. I need you inside me, Joel."

He raises his eyebrows in slight surprise, then nods. "Okay. I love you."

A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. "Love you too."

As hard as I try to banish the thought, it echoes in my head. But I still love Benji more.