Another night, another creepy motel. This time we're in some city, I'm not even sure which. At least this one isn't the Bates motel. I refused to use the shower in that place, that's how much it freaked me out. I guess I'm a little superstitious.

Joel and I are sitting on the floor in front of the TV, watching the Simpsons. I'm nervous, because I know pretty soon it's going to end, and the news is going to be on, and our faces are going to be plastered all over the place. I don't think I can deal with seeing Benji's face right now - at least not accompanied by some half-assed voiceover explaining his violent death in gruesome detail. It'll be some picture of him with pursed lips, tattooed arms folded across his chest, looking like Mr. Punk-Rock 2005. Even if it wasn't on the news, I don't want to see that face, either. I want to see his real face - that little smile that only a few close friends know, that twinkle in his eye he gets when those same close friends crack a joke, and he's pretending he doesn't think it's funny.

"My cat's breath smells like cat food!" Ralph Wiggum exclaims, and I chuckle on cue, sneaking a glance at Joel, who's laughing along too. As a band, we used to have Simpsons marathons when we were on the road, so we can all just about recite every line in every episode, but somehow, it's always still funny.

As soon as it finishes, Joel stands up and flicks the TV off. He must've been thinking something similar. "Billy, I'll be back in like half an hour, okay?"

I look up at him in surprise. We haven't been apart for more than a few minutes since we left LA, and even then it was just so we could go to the bathroom or something. He's already grabbing a hoodie and the car keys. "Where are you going?"

He grins at me. "You'll find out as soon as I get back."

Fear sweeps over me. "You're not going to leave me here, are you?" I climb onto my knees and look desperately up at him, "You are coming back, right?"

He laughs and crosses the room, dropping to his knees in front of me. He takes my hands in his and stares into my eyes, making sure I'm paying full attention. "Billy, I will never, ever leave you, 'kay?"

I nod and he gives me a quick hug. "Love you. Be back soon."

Then he's gone. I still have no idea where he's gone, but I know he'll come back. Benji once said he'd rather die than just up and leave on somebody - anybody. He never had to tell me why, I just knew. He'd rather die than be like his father. I guess Joel is the same.

I'm in the shower - which still freaks me out a little - when I hear Joel's voice calling my name. "Hold on!"

I quickly dry and dress myself, then wrap a towel around my head to dry my hair. In front of anyone else, this would be wholly embarrassing, but my bandmates have seen me like this enough times to know what a girl I am, deep down inside. "If you feel like letting go," Joel cries as I exit the bathroom, and I roll my eyes.

"That's a new level of lame, Joel. You're quoting yourself."

He grins, and I can see he's hiding a large bag behind his back. "Want to see why I left now?"

I nod enthusiastically and he reveals the bag - not that I couldn't see it - and reaches into it. He pulls out a bag from a video store and I open it, frowning in confusion. I know my face lights up when I see what's inside. "A playstation!"

He nods, the grin never leaving his face. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out something else. "And what good would a playstation be without Grand Theft Auto?"

I practically leap into his arms and hug him, and he sets the bag on the ground, laughing, before hugging me back. "But wait! There's more..."

I pull away and cock an eyebrow as he pulls a DVD out of the bag. "Nightmare Before Christmas!" I squeal in delight, bobbing up and down, loosening my towel until it falls off of my head.

He nods, blushing at my overjoyed reaction. "And I put the last part in the freezer while you were still in the shower." I gasp and take a step back. "You didn't!"

"I certainly did."

I trip over my own feet as I rush to the freezer and yank it open, revealing the God of all ice-creams - nay, all snack foods. "Peanut Butter Crunch!"

"Peanut Butter Crunch!"

Benji laughs, approaching me from behind and slipping his arms around my waist. The seventeen-year-old rests his chin on my shoulder and murmurs in my ear, his sweet voice making my brain momentarily shut down. "I know a night playing Sega, watching Edward Scissorhands and eating ice cream isn't exactly the most exciting end to a crazy day," my head throbs as I recall the cold hard steel of the gun, "but I wanted it to be your night."

Jesus, it has been a crazy day. I kissed Benji for the first time, told him I loved him, heard it back, got held captive by an evil ex-boyfriend, had Benji save me from being raped, then returned the favour. I think I've had enough crazyness for one day. "No, Benj," I grin, "it's perfect. Everything is perfect."

I turn around in his arms, and his eyes are sparkling. A smile plays on his lips as I press my forehead to his. "Good. Because I thought if I could make it perfect, then maybe you'd consider..."

He trails off and pulls away from me a little bit, a blush rising in his cheeks. He looks at the floor and I could just about cry - he just looks so adorable right now. "Maybe I'd consider what?"

He scuffs his shoe on the ground, seemingly fascinated with the carpet of his living room, which he's seen a million times before, no doubt. "I thought maybe you'd consider... y'know... being my boyfriend."

My heart has jumped right out of my chest and is doing a little dance right now. I mean, it's grown little hands and feet, and it's doing a Kirby dance. There is only one way to describe this feeling.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I realize it must've been almost thirty seconds and I'm still just standing here staring at the poor guy, who's now kinda coughing and looking off into the distance. Obviously, this silence is more than a little awkward for him. I reach out and take his chin in one hand, turning his head to face me. "Benj, did you even need to ask?"

He stares for a moment, then starts to stammer. He's like Billy Bibbit or something. It's a side of Benji I've never seen before, and it's almost too cute to function. "I... W-well, I th-thought..."

I lean down and plant a quick kiss on his nose. "Benji, I love you. I want to be with you, okay?"

He nods, blushing, and brushes his lips briefly on mine. "Okay," his smile must be brighter than the sun, "you wanna play Sonic the Hedgehog first, or watch Edward Scissorhands?"

"So, GTA or Nightmare, Billy?"

Joel heads over to the TV and starts plugging in the playstation. I still can't comprehend that he'd do this all for me. At first I thought he was psychotic and obsessive, but the more I spend time with him, the more I see that he'll do anything to please me. And when he sees my face light up, his face follows suit. He's just like Benji - he has the same feelings, the same thoughts, the same appearances - in most ways, at least - the same soul. I'm not angry at him anymore. I'm not angry at him for taking Benji away from me - in fact, I think I'm starting to understand it. It's nothing to do with psychosis. He just loves me. He loves me in exactly the same way Benji did, the same way I loved Benji. Could I have killed for him? Probably. "Nightmare. I love Tim Burton."

He nods and puts the DVD into the PS2 while I grab the tub of ice cream out of the freezer, and a couple of spoons from the drawer.

We stay up until 3am finishing off the tub of ice cream, relaxing in front of the flickering images, singing along to the songs, and - of course - picking up hookers, giving them our money, and then beating the crap out of them and stealing it back on Grand Theft Auto.

The arm Joel has around me removes itself as he checks his watch. "Think we should hit the sack."

I nod and snuggle back into him, breathing in the scent that only the Madden twins can have. "Joel?"

He rests his head on top of mine. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

This time, I'm not exactly sure which twin I'm addressing. I still want Benji more than anything, but Joel's so much like him... how can I not love him?

All my thoughts are so jumbled in my head, I'm not even sure what love is anymore.