I lean against the car as Joel fills the tank, and then he walks around to my side of the car and takes my hand in his. I squeeze it gently, closing my eyes and relishing the feeling of his hand in mine - Benji's hand, not Joel's. I run my thumb over his index finger, dancing it over the letter "M" on his knuckle. Then I open my eyes to smile at the man I love, but once again, the person smiling back at me is different. So different, yet so the same.

He tugs on my hand, pulling me towards the store. I pull my hood over my head, and out of the corner of my eye I can see him do the same. We watch the ground as we walk, careful not to let anyone see too much detail in our faces. We want to be seen and then forgotten. I guess that's the reason he releases my hand as we walk in the door. He grabs some fruit chips - careful to choose something vegan for me - and approaches the counter while I mill around waiting, trying to look inconspicuous. I suspect I actually look more suspicious, but I don't have time to worry about that. The guy at the counter glares at Joel. "You look familiar."

His head hangs a little lower. "Yeah? I... uh... I don't think we've met before."

The door beeps as another person enters behind me, and I turn my head to make sure my face is hidden from both the clerk and the newcomer. I shove my hand in my pockets and pretend to be really interested in some poster about babysitting. "No, don't think we've met. You on TV or something?"

Joel's voice is getting more and more nervous by the second. "Nope," I can see him glance at me out of the corner of my eye, "I work at a grocery store. Just on holiday."

The man seems to find this a suitable enough answer. "Oh. That'll be twenty-fifty."

That's when I feel something hard pressing into the small of my back. A hand grips one of my shoulders and I squeeze my eyes shut as I realize exactly what's happening. "Get on the ground, or I'll put a hole right through you," a voice hisses, "ya hear me?"

I slowly drop to my knees, and this seems to draw the attention of Joel and the shopkeeper. There's a sharp pain in my back as the man behind me kicks me, and I keel over onto my stomach. I curl up into a ball, refusing to open my eyes, and I'm aware that my hood has come off, but I don't care. I can hear everything, though. Joel's screaming. "Hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

The foot grinds into my back and I writhe in pain. I can't see it, but I know that gun is pointed at my head. "Do exactly as I say, and I won't kill him."

"Do exactly as I say, and I won't kill him."

There's an arm locked around my neck and a gun pressed against my temple. Tears stream down my face, but I don't dare make any sound, not even a quiet sob. Benji looks on helplessly, his eyes drinking in the situation. I know right now he blames himself for letting me come along, but there was no way I would've let him go alone anyway. Besides, if I wasn't here, it would've been him in my position. I'd rather die than watch him suffer. I wonder if he feels the same way about me? After a long, stressful mental debate, I can see Benji's come to a decision. "What do you want me to do?"

The arm around my neck squeezes a little tighter, and the body behind me comes into contact with my own. I feel dizzy and sick when I realize the guy behind me has a hard-on, and he's grinding it into my ass. I know Benji can see this, because I can see the anger mounting in his expression. "First, I want you to watch while I fuck your new boyfriend here."

I tense up further, if that's even possible. He wants to rape me. Oh, god. I've never even done this before. I've known I was gay for a long time, but there isn't exactly an abundance of available, openly homosexual males in Waldorf. If he rapes me... I don't even want to think about how much it's going to hurt. Benji says nothing, but his hands have balled into fists and his lips have formed a tight line. "And then, he gets to watch while I fuck you, too. Then you can both leave, and you can take your stupid guitar with you. Deal?"

Benji shakes his head. "You can fuck me. I don't care. But you're not touching him." The laughter of the man behind me sounds so cold that it's almost not laughter at all. It sounds more like the low growl of an animal defending its prey. "Aw, come on, Benj," the arm around my neck slips down and around my waist, "I made it good for you when we were together. I can make it good for him," his teeth nip at my neck, "besides, he's hot, and I want him."

Benji dated this guy? Couldn't he see what a crazy asshole he is? I've known Benji for about a year now, and I don't know shit about him. He takes a step towards us, and the cold steel of the gun's barrel presses harder against my skull. "You're not touching Billy," his voice is firm, "you can do whatever you want to me, just let him go."

"Whatever I want, hmm?"

The man lets go of me and shoves me away from him, into Benji's arms. He catches me and waits for me to regain my balance before whispering into my ear. "You have to leave. Now. Don't worry about me."

He turns me around and pushes me towards the door, and for a split second I do consider turning the handle and walking right out of there. I know I can't, though. I can't leave the man that I love to suffer through that. I have to help him somehow. I turn back around and Benji's eyes plead with me desperately to leave. I lift my head and pull back my shoulders, standing at my full height. "I'm not going anywhere."

The blonde haired man chuckles and waves his gun around as if it's the funniest thing he's ever heard. "The little runt wants to watch, huh? Well, I won't deny him the pleasure."

He grabs Benji by the wrist and in a few seconds he's got him pinned on the couch. He's dropped the gun on the floor, so that's one less thing to worry about, but I can't sit here and let this happen.

I have to wonder if he's done this to Benji before. I watch him as his beautiful eyes glaze over, as if he's trying not to feel anything, trying to be somewhere else. It looks like a coping mechanism that's been developed long before today. I slowly shift out of the large man's line of sight, trying to get myself into a more offensive position. Hell, I'm only fifteen, and I weigh next to nothing, but I have to try something.

The man's got his pants unzipped, and he's pulled Benji's down enough to do what I know he plans to do. Right now, he's too focused on his task to notice what I'm up to. I try to be as quiet as I can while I reach for the jar of raspberry jam on the counter behind me. Hell, it's not the manliest weapon, but it'll do. He's completely unaware of me as I lift my arm up high over me, and then I bring it down on his head with a thud.

Benji winces as the man collapses on top of him, and together we manage to drag him off. He quickly fixes up his pants, obviously humiliated. Then he rushes off into another room. "Benji, what the hell? We have to get out of here!"

He comes speeding out again, holding a battered looking acoustic guitar. "Okay, let's go."

Once we're safely in the comfort of his car, the tears start to flow down his cheeks. I've never seen him cry before. He's not the kind of person who cries. He slips the key into the ignition, then turns to face me. "Billy, I thought he was going to kill you."

I shake my head and pull him into a hug, and his arms wrap around my waist. "I'm fine, Benj. I was more worried about you."

He pulls far enough away to meet my eyes, then lifts his hands to my face, brushing across my cheek with one of his thumbs. "So glad you're okay."

Then his lips are on mine, and he's kissing me long and hard, his tongue sneaking into my mouth. It's by far the most passionate, loving kiss I've ever experienced. I don't think anyone will ever kiss me quite the same way again.

I hear a ding as the shopkeeper opens the cash register and starts piling it onto the counter. Then Joel's voice again. No... Benji's voice. Benji's sweet, caring voice. The voice that belongs to the man who'll do anything for me. The man who'll put my well-being ahead of his own. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just get on the ground, hands on your head, just like your friend here."

I hear Joel shuffling about as he complies, and then a few seconds later, the man's rough, hard voice seeps into my brain again. "Alright, you can all count to a hundred, and then go on your merry way. Nice doing business with you, boys."

I only count to about twenty before I sit up and look around me. The cash register's been cleared, the shopkeeper's a sniveling mess in the corner, and Joel's lying beside me. I can see his lips moving as he counts silently. I nudge him. "It's okay. He's gone."

He sits up, looking around wearily. His hood has managed to stay fixed to his head. He reaches out and pulls mine back over, then jumps to his feet, grabbing my arm to haul me up. He drags me back out of the store and pushes me into the car before climbing in the driver's seat. Then he finally lets out the breath he's been holding in since he was ordered to get on the ground. He fumbles as he pushes the key into the ignition and turns it, and when the car's roared to life, he looks at me, stress mingling with relief in his eyes, which are now brimming with tears. "Billy, I thought he was going to kill you."

I shrug, peering at my shaky hands before letting my eyes reconnect with his. "I'm fine."

He nods and hugs me tightly, then pulls away slightly, cupping my face in his hands. I close my eyes because I know what's coming next. I know he's going to kiss me, because it's what Benji did. Because they're really one person. Because in my mind, he is Benji.

His lips press on mine with the same urgency, the same relief, and the same love that I felt when Benji kissed me that day. He's kissing me the way I never thought I'd be kissed again. He loves me. He really, really loves me.

As I return his kiss, I start to cry. He loves me enough to do anything for me. To die for me... and to kill for me.

If I had been dating Joel, would Benji have done the same?