"Hey, Billy, could you get Paul and come down to the hospital?"

It occured to me that Billy and Paul must have been freaking out, not knowing where we were and why we'd disappeared off the face of the earth. Benji had been here for a while, getting all kinds of tests done, which I know must be stressful for him. Every time they prod him or probe him, it must remind him of exactly what happened. It makes me sick. "Yeah, Joel," he sounds really worried on the other end of the line, "what's the matter?"

"Just get here and ask for Benny Combs."

I hang up the phone. Dad's last name does come in handy sometimes. No one ever thinks that we'd use his name, which is helpful when it comes to situations like this, which we really don't want anyone finding out about.

I head back to my brother's room, and when I enter he smiles. I cross the room and sit in the chair next to his, and he reaches for my hand. "Talk about role reversal."

I chuckle as I squeeze his hand lightly in mine. A couple of weeks ago, I was the one lying in the bed while he sat in the stupid chair day and night. "Do you know how long you're gonna have to stay yet?"

"At least tonight, but a couple of days at the most."

I pull his hand to my lips and kiss it gently. "Does it still hurt?"

He shakes his head. "Painkillers," then he astounds me, "are you okay?"

I raise my eyebrows and smile. "What do you mean?"

He manages a laugh, but it's weak and bitter. "You know what I mean. This is heavy, heavy shit, and it's all my fucking fault. I just wanna make sure you're cool with everything... 'cause I'd understand if you hated me right now."

I know my eyes are wide as saucers as I stand up and lean over him so my face is only a few inches from his. "You think I hate you? Benj," I murmur, "I love you. It's not your fault that I love you. It's not even your fault that you love me. And it's definitely not your fault that Tony is a psychotic asshole."

A slow smile creeps across his face, and his hand slips up to the back of my head, tugging me in for a kiss. I guess he's not worried about Tony seeing anything while we're in here. Before I even realize what's happening, my arms are wrapped around his back and we've gotten pretty heated. I can't think straight when he kisses me - consequences are irrelevant. "Ahem," a voice from behind us coughs out, "you should be so glad I'm not Paul. He still hasn't figured out there's anything going on."

I pull away quickly, but Benji grabs my hand, lacing his fingers inbetween mine. He's got that famous, cocky grin on his face. "Paul really isn't all that smart, is he? I mean, he saw a picture of us lying half naked in bed together."

Billy strolls into the room and grabs the seat in the corner, pulling it up to my brother's bedside. "He's completely oblivious. And he's on his way. So," he pauses dramatically, "are you going to tell me what happened?"

Benji and I look at each other, identical pained expressions flickering across our faces. "Can you tell him, Joel? I don't think I can say it."

I nod and squeeze his hand. "Yeah, but let's wait 'til Paul gets here. I don't want to have to repeat it."

All of a sudden he sits up in his bed, eyes wide. "You didn't call mom, did you? Or Sarah? I really, really don't want them to know."

I push the hair out of his face, and then kiss his temple, and I can see Billy huffing his disgust out of the corner of my eye. I don't care, he can huff all he wants. I'm in love, dammit. "No, Benj, I wouldn't do that. I called mom and told her we were staying with some friends in DC for a couple of days."

He seems to relax a little, and as soon as I've stopped being all fluffy and cuddly and pulled away, Paul enters. "Hey guys," he grins his goofy grin, "sorry I missed the party."

Once greetings are exchanged and everyone's settled themselves, an overwhelming silence cloaks the room. They're waiting for me to tell them what's going on, but it's so hard to just come out and say it. I don't know how Benji must feel. I don't know how he even managed to tell me, his twin, his best friend, his lover. I suck in a deep breath. "We were staying at the motel, hiding away from Tony," I glance at Billy, and I guess Paul told him about Tony's apartment because he seems to understand, "and when I left to go for a run, he broke in and..."

My eyes meet Benji's, and he nods. "Just say it."

I sigh. "Tony raped him."

I don't know how I expected them to react. I guess I expected them to be sympathetic, to try and comfort my brother. It's the only response I could have imagined. Billy immediately stands up and takes Benji's other hand in his. "Benj, I'm so sorry."

Paul just stares for what seems like hours. It's probably only a couple of minutes. Then he just turns around and walks out without saying a word, leaving us staring wide-eyed after him. I briefly consider going after him, but my twin looks so upset by Paul's exit that I can't. Billy seems to understand this and he mumbles a "Be right back," before running off after him.

I watch him go and then turn back to Benji. He looks so hurt and confused, and his bottom lip is trembling. I lean over and kiss him softly. "Don't cry, Benj," I whisper, "Paul's just being a dickhead."

His gaze meets mine, and his expression is forlorn. "Joel, I deserve this, don't I?"

I shake my head, eyes wide, and reply without hesitation. "No, Benji, you don't deserve any of thi-"

"Stop lying to me!"

I take a step back and cut off all contact with him, shaking a little in shock. I don't even know where he got the strength to yell like that. "It's my fault. It's my fault Tony hit me when we were dating, it's my fault you were in hospital, it's my fault I'm in hospital now, and it's my fault Tony wants to kill you."

I shake my head, gaping. "Don't say that, it's not true."

He grunts angrily and rolls over so he's facing away from me. I grab his shoulder and tug him back to face me, leaning down over him. "Listen to me, Benj, listen to me," his eyes reluctantly meet mine, "Tony hit you because he's an asshole. We've both been in hospital because we love each other, in which case, I'm as much to blame as you are. And Tony wants to kill me because he's fucking insane, not because you did anything wrong."

There are tears welling up in his eyes now. "But it's wrong," he whispers, "you're my twin brother."

I just shake my head. "You can't help who you love. It's never wrong to love somebody, Benji."

The tears are freely flowing down his face now, and he wraps his arms around me and pulls me down to press his lips hard against mine. His kiss is urgent, desperate, like he's afraid it'll be the last one we'll ever share. His tongue quickly snakes its way into my mouth, pushing against mine, probing and exploring. My hands find his face, and my fingertips brush his cheeks, wiping away his tears tenderly. Kissing Benji makes everything else go away. There's no Tony, there's no pain, Benji was never raped. There is only him and I, kissing all our troubles away. This is the way I always want it to b- "What the fuck is this?"

I pull away in a hurry, only to see Paul standing in the doorway, arms folded across his chest, eyes flashing. I plop down in the chair next to Benji's bed and start slowly rubbing my temples in little circles. "Paul-"

"I don't want to hear it. That's sick. I thought maybe you were just giving him a quick kiss, you know? So I waited. And waited. That's sick. You're brothers."

Billy turns up behind him, looking confused, then torn as he figures out what's going on. "Paul, we can't help th-"

He cuts me off again. "Bullshit you can't! You're twins!"

Then he's gone, leaving three very worn, very stressed out people behind him. Benji shouldn't have to deal with this right now. He shouldn't have to deal with any of this.

I love him so much. How can everyone think this is wrong? And if it is wrong, then why does it feel so right?