The first thing I do when we arrive in our crappy motel room is pull the curtains. I haven't stayed in a room this shabby in years. The wallpaper is peeling off the walls and I'm sure I can hear rats. Once I turn to look at my brother, though, none of that matters. Nothing matters except for the way he's looking at me, a slight smile spreading across his pierced lips, shining with moisture under the harsh lighting.

Before I can even think about it, I've crossed the room and I'm kissing him desperately, allowing my fingers to get tangled in his hair. His strong, tattooed arms wrap around my waist as he pushes his lips hard on mine, stroking my back lovingly. In his arms, I feel so safe and secure, like no one can ever hurt me and nothing can ever break me down. Through everything, Benji's always been there to reassure and protect me, and nothing's changed.

My hands are slowly creeping down his sides, my fingertips swirling in little circles every now and then. His tongue is probing my mouth, fighting with my own for space, and his lips are crushing onto mine, so hard that I know when we pull away, both of our mouthes are going to be red and swollen. My fingers have made their way under his shirt now, memorizing every curve by touch. I pull away so I can tug his shirt up, and he moans softly as I lift it over his head. "This is getting less and less legal by the minute," he mumbles.

My lips trace a line from his shoulder to his neck as I toss his shirt away, and then I lift my head so it's level with his. "You want me to stop?"

His eyes widen at the thought. "Hell no, I was just sayin'..."

I chuckle as his hands hurriedly grasp at my own shirt, and he pulls it over my head. He stands back and looks me up and down for a moment, whistling, then pulls me back into his arms, laughing softly. We hold each other for a moment, just giggling about nothing. I think, really, we're laughing at how truly surreal our current situation is. How many people can claim that they're being stalked by their twin's ex-boyfriend, because they're having an affair with their brother? Not many.

I pull far enough away to press my forehead and nose to his, grinning as I spot that familiar twinkle in his eye. He opens his mouth as if to say something but appears to change his mind, and he just kisses me again, his tongue immediately seeking entrance to my mouth. His hands leave my waist and I shivver as his fingers brush the skin on my stomach. He's reaching for my belt buckle, grinding into me at the same time. His mouth stifles my long groan as I feel his erection rubbing on mine, straining in its confines.

He's got my belt undone and he shoves my pants over my ass so they fall to the floor. I step out of them and kick them away before reaching for his own belt. He swats my hand away and unclasps it himself, pulling off his boxers with his Dickies. I untangle myself and take a step back to free myself of my own boxers, and as soon as they're off he pulls my body against his once more, looping his arms around my waist and picking me up. He carries me to the bed and lays me down, and I look up at him, sucking in a deep breath.

He's beautiful. He's beautiful, and he's mine.

He climbs on top of me and stares down, propping himself up on his elbows. He kisses me once, never breaking eye contact, and he strokes my face with one hand. The only noise in the room is our heavy breathing, chests heaving in and out together, the way we do everything. Every move he makes is so caring, tender, so... loving. He wants me to be completely comfortable in his arms. He sucks ever-so-softly on the curve of my neck, still grinding into me slowly, and the anticipation is killing me. "Joel," he whispers, warm breath on my neck, "let me make love to you."

Up until he actually said those words, I had every intention of letting him do just that. Upon hearing it, though, the full implications of what we're doing come crashing down on me. "Oh, God," I whisper, fear in my voice, "Benj, I can't."

His expression is confused, and I can understand why. I did come onto him, after all. "Why? You haven't done this before? I'll be gentle, I pr-"

"No," I cut him off, "I have. That's not it."

He frowns, rolling off of me, and sits up with his back against the headboard. I pull myself into a sitting position beside him, and all of a sudden he's too preoccupied with his tattooed hands to look me in the eye. "Was it something I did?"

I reach over with one hand and tilt his chin upwards so he's facing me. His eyes are wounded, and he reminds me of Cashdogg, when we yell at him for something. Except, y'know, human. And hot. "No, you were perfect."

"Then why?"

His question astounds me. We're hiding out in a little, shitty motel from his psychotic ex-boyfriend who's been sending me death threats for just kissing him, and he's asking me why I won't sleep with him. What's more, we're twin brothers that have already stepped way over the threshold of a normal relationship, and we're about to run back to that threshold and beat the crap out of it with a baseball bat. "Benj... if Tony, found out, he'd... he'd kill me. And probably you, too."

"Oh. Oh," he slips his arm around my shoulder, "Joel, the door's locked. The curtains are closed. There are police outside. Hell, I don't think Tony's gonna be around to see anything."

I can't help but snuggle into the crook of his arm. Even though I'm two inches taller than him, I somehow always end up with my ear to his chest. We both sigh together, and speak together. "Look, I'm sorry-"

We chuckle and he hugs me tight. "Me first. Sorry if you feel like I'm pressuring you. I just want you close to me, y'know? I mean, as close as you can get. I guess," he pauses, chewing on his lip thoughtfully, "I guess I want to express how I feel about you in the most intimate way I can."

Ah, he makes me melt. I can only nod and press my lips against his collarbone. "Well, I'm sorry I led you on or whatever... but I don't wanna put our lives at risk for something that can wait. Plus," I smirk a little, "like you said, there are cops outside, and if I recall, we've already been warned once today about how illegal this all is."

He grins, but then his face twists into a frown. "When he was arrested, I thought all this was over," he kisses my head and murmurs into my hair, "I can't believe he's still ruining my life."

We're silent for a moment, and for a moment I start to wonder what I'm going to do about my hard-on that's getting kinda painful. "Joel?"

"Yeah?"

He bites his lip. "Mind if I go like... take care of myself in the bathroom? 'Cause I'm kinda hurting here."

I laugh, partly because of what he's saying, and partly because we think so alike. Then I kiss his lips before I let him go. "Yeah, I think I'll 'take care of myself' once you're done."

He grins. "Don't worry, with you on my mind, I won't be long."