Chapter 14 - My Bloody Valentine
I shoulderbarge my brother, almost pushing him off the couch, nearly throwing him off his game. Nearly. We're playing Madden, naturally, and he's kicking my ass. I think Billy's been training him up or something. I cry out as he scores another touchdown. "Nooooo!"
He laughs, jumping up from the couch, and does a little victory dance. I toss the controller onto the floor and fold my arms across my chest, sticking my bottom lip out. "Awww, Joely," he patronizes me, "don't cwy, widdle baby!"
I scowl and he sits back down and kisses me quickly. He's wary of kissing me when we're at home, and I can't blame him. I don't know what Mom or Sarah would think if they walked in on us making out or something. I continue to pout and he grins, pulling me into a hug, and whispers into my ear. "Hey, I'll make it up to you later."
I smirk and shove him away. "In the meantime, I'm going to kick your ass!"
Mom's scolding voice floats to my ears from the kitchen. "Joel! Language!"
I cringe. God, I'm twenty-six, and my Mom still tell me off for swearing. "Sorry!"
My eyes flick to the door as Sarah walks in, and Benji takes this opportunity to pick up his controller and score again. I shove him again, and we both crack up laughing as we start wrestling on the couch. This reminds me of what it was like before Tony was in the picture, before we were more than friends, before Dad left, before everything turned to hell. We'd end up playfighting on the couch over the remote control, or the Nirvana cassette, or something stupid like that. He usually won.
And nothing's changed. "And the crowd goes wild as Benjamin Madden emerges triumphant!"
He simulates the crowd cheering, and I laugh harder as Sarah walks up behind him and slaps him upside the head playfully. "Benj, you got mail."
He takes the letter from her outstretched hand and flips it over. "WHo'd be sending me mail? There's no return address."
I shrug and pick up my controller, planning on scoring my first touchdown before he has a chance to retaliate, but he ignores me and opens the letter. I stop when I hear the strained tone of his voice. "Joel?"
I look at him, kneeling on the couch, his expression concerned, and a little... frightened? "Think we could go upstairs for a minute?"
I nod and we bound up the stairs two at a time, and walk into his bedroom. He shuts the door behind us and thrusts the envelope into my hands.
I dump the contents on his bed. A couple of slips of paper, and... a polaroid. I pick up the latter first, even though I already know what's going to be on it. "I knew he was there," I murmur, "you told me I was being paranoid."
It's not an accusation, I'm just stating fact. The picture is beautiful, really, and if it weren't for the fact that Tony took it, I'd want to keep it. It's Benji and I, of course, sitting by the stream kissing, me in his lap. The sun filters through the trees, casting long, dark shadows over the whole area. Somehow, though, there are no shadows where we're sitting - we're the only feature of the picture that's entirely bathed in light. It occurs to me that if this was entered in a photography competition, it'd probably do quite well. That's kind of not the point right now, though.
I've been staring at the picture so long now that Benji picks up the slips of paper and shoves them into my hands. On one, there's no writing at all - it's just got drips of blood on it. I'm hoping like hell it's Tony's blood, because I hate to think who else it could be.
I drop that slip of paper and look at the other, then to my brother, then back at the paper, blinking. I'm not sure I'm reading it right, all of a sudden my vision seems blurred. It's written in blood. I try to read it out loud, but my voice is nothing more than a whisper. "Do you want Joel to be your bloody valentine?"
Terror sweeps over me as I realize exactly what the message means, and my legs collapse underneath me as sobs begin to force their way out of my chest and up my throat. In a flash he's at my side, kneeling down and wrapping his arms around me. "It's okay, Joel, it's okay," he murmurs softly, pushing my hair out of my face with one hand, "I won't let him hurt you."
I try to shrug him off, but he doesn't let go of me. "Get off me, Benji," I manage to choke out, but he refuses, "get the fuck off me!"
He still won't let me go. He holds me so tight that I can't move my arms to push him away, and just kisses my forehead. "Joel, it's okay, we'll get this figured out. I love you."
Hearing his soft voice in my ear saying those three precious words calms me somewhat, and after a few moments, I'm calm enough for him to let go of me. He holds onto my hand, though, and we kneel side by side on the floor of his bedroom as the tears dry. How can he be so strong? Looking at him, I realize that he isn't. He's completely and utterly petrified, trembling, chewing on his lip ring, but he's holding it together. For me.
He squeezes my hand gently and then releases it, dragging himself to his feet. "I'm gonna go call the police."
My eyes widen and I leap to my feet, grabbing his hand to hold him in place. "No, you're fucking not!"
He tugs his hand free, but makes no attempt to move away. "Yes, I am, Joel. Now is not the time to be stressing about the media finding out."
I shake my head and pick up the polaroid, shoving it in his face. "I'm not worried about my fucking career, Benji, I'm worried about going to fucking jail!"
He gives me a "you're really weird" look, and then just chuckles a little. "Joel, there are no laws against kissing your brother."
I run a hand through my hair, squeezing my eyes shut. "Yeah, but how do they know we didn't take it any further? I mean, that is not a brotherly kiss, right there."
"Relax, Joel, we haven't done anything illegal," he smirks, "yet. And even if they think we have, they've got no evidence."
"Except a picture of us making out," I spit bitterly, but his rational thought is starting to sink in, "can we at least go down to the station so Mom and Sarah don't have to know?"
If Tony's anywhere around, us going to the cops is going to make him angrier. Much angrier. But I don't know what else to do right now.
He'll probably kill me either way.
"So, this Tony Lovato, he was a partner of yours?"
"Yes," his voice matches his face, tired and stressed.
"For how long?"
"Uhh," I can see him trying to work it out in his head, "about four years."
I can't help but wonder how he could've possibly stayed with Tony for four years, and how I didn't notice what Tony was doing at some point during those years. I'm supposed to know, I'm his identical twin, but I didn't. I try my hardest not to drum my fingernails on the table, but it's a habit I pick up again when I'm stressed out. "The case file here says he was abusive during your relationship, is that correct?"
I've never heard my brother sound so weak. Big, strong, tough Benji can only whisper a reply. "Yes."
"And when you tried to break if off, he attacked you and your brother?"
"Yes."
He frowns. "When interviewed in Australia, Mr. Lovato claimed that he walked in on the two of you lying on a bed, kissing. Is that true?"
Benji bites his lip and his gaze wanders over to meet mine momentarily. "Yes."
He nods slowly. "Mr. Madden, you must be aware that it is illegal in this state for two brothers to engage in intercourse."
I just about fall off of my chair. Did he have to be so direct about it? Benji and I are both nodding. "I know," he says, "we haven't... I mean, we didn't..."
The officer smiles. "It's alright, I was just making sure you were aware."
I swallow the mound that's formed in my throat and nod, and I know my face is more flushed than it's ever been before. "I've taken the pieces of paper to be tested, and if it is in fact Mr. Lovato's blood we'll turn it up straight away. If it's not, we may have a little more than death threats on our hands," he sighs, "in the meantime, we'll have a unit staking out your property at all times."
I bury my head in my hands. We'll be safe, but... what the fuck are we going to tell Mom? "No," I say softly, "we'll stay at the motel near here. I don't want to get my family involved."
He nods. "Okay, we'll keep a lookout there, then. I'll have them escort you."
Somehow, I still don't feel entirely comfortable. Something tells me Tony's a little more resourceful than the cops seem to think.
Benji takes my hand in his as we leave, much to the disdain of the officers who'll be following us to the motel, and leans in so his mouth is close to my ear. "You're so strong, Joel... I love you."
I can't hide the look of surprise on my face. Me? Strong?
Whatever.