Chapter 11 - Keep Moving On
I'm getting discharged today.
After five weeks they've decided I'm well enough to go, even though I felt fine after three. They kept insisting that my bones weren't healed properly, but Melanie keeps joking that she bribed them to keep me here longer. I haven't seen her this morning, though, she was called away to some emergency in another ward. It happens pretty often.
Benji's here, of course, and he seems just as excited as I am. I'm dressed in street clothes and ready to go, but we're waiting on a doctor to make it official. We're both sitting on my bed cross-legged, talking about things we're gonna do when we get home, when a doctor finally arrives with a clipboard. "Just sign this, Joel, and you can be out of here."
I let out a little whoop, jumping off my bed, and he frowns as I scribble on the form. "But you should still take it easy."
"Yeah, yeah," I whine, then turn to my brother, "wanna come visit Teesha with me? I have to see her before I leave."
Teesha and I have become pretty close since we met two weeks ago. She doesn't have any family left to visit her, and she doesn't have a lot of time either, so I kinda adopted her, in a way. She calls me her big brother, and she's the one reason I don't really want to leave. I want to stay with her until the end, but our manager isn't willing to keep paying for me to stay in Australia for an indefinite amount of time, especially when I'm supposed to be recooperating at home before we come back again.
Benji agrees, but when we're halfway down the hall, Melanie approaches me in a hurry. I give her a hug. "Awww, you came to say goodbye? I'm just on my way to visit Teesh."
She pulls away from me, biting her lip, and without her having to say anything, I know. Teesha is gone. "I'm sorry, Joel," she murmurs.
I can't speak, I can't think, I can barely breathe. The nurses kept warning me not to get attached, but I couldn't help it. She was amazing, wise beyond her years, and underneath the protective shell she was the sweetest kid you could ever know. I think I was the only one she'd opened up to in the longest time. I lean against the wall, closing my eyes to hold back the tears, but they squeeze their way out anyway. I feel Benji slip his arm around my waist and rest his head on my shoulder, but he doesn't say anything. I guess he knows there's nothing he can say. He knows me too well to try and tell me it'll be alright, 'cause it won't. Not for her, anyway. It's times like these that I seriously doubt my religious beliefs - people keep telling me this is all a part of the master plan, but I can't see how killing an innocent twelve-year-old girl in the most excruciating way possible can benefit anyone or anything.
"Joel?" Melanie's voice breaks through my thoughts, "she asked me to give you this."
I open my eyes and stare down at her for a moment, then my eyes trail to her outstretched hand, which contains a small white envelope. I take it, then look back up at Melanie's face. "You were there?"
She nods, looking at the floor. "We did all we could."
"I know."
And with that, she's gone, and I wonder if I'll ever see her again. I asked her for her phone number, but she refused, saying she wasn't allowed to pursue friendships with patients. Stupid rule.
Benji's still just holding me, and with shaking hands, I open the letter. I don't know why I'm afraid of a few parting words, but I am. I look down at the paper, but tears blur my eyes, and I can't read it. I shove it in Benji's face. "Read it to me?"
He nods and lets go of me, taking the envelope from my hands. Then he pauses. "You sure you don't want to read this yourself?"
I nod, so he begins. It's a short, simple message that I'll remember for the rest of my life.
Dear Joel,
I hope I taught you something, because you taught me a lot. I thought I was alone in this world, that I had nobody, but you taught me that somewhere, somehow, there's always someone who cares.
And that song about me had better be good, or I'll come back to haunt you.
Love you, big bro.
Teesha.
I thought I'd break down when he finished reading the letter, but I didn't. In fact, I stopped crying, and pushed myself away from the wall to stand on my own two legs. Teesha did teach me something; something I should've known, something I've written about even, but I never really understood it until now.
Not everybody knows that everybody could be living their last days.
So now I've got to keep moving on. Life is short, and I can't hold anything back. I have to be me, and I have to enjoy my life, and most importantly, I have to tell people how I feel.
I look at Benji, who's looking back at me, concerned. "I love you."
He smiles. "I know."
"I'm in love with you."
He pulls me into his arms and hugs me, and I rest my chin on his shoulder as he whispers into my ear. "I know."
"Waldorf, Worldwide!" I scream as we pass the customary "Welcome to Waldorf, Maryland" sign, and the other three laugh.
I say three, because Chris isn't with us - Waldorf isn't his home, he's in Utah. Our driver drops Benji and I off first, because we're closest, and we practically sprint to the door and fling it open. "We're hoooooome!"
We look at each other and laugh. Talking together is something we've gotten used to, but it still cracks us up. Mom and Sarah rush out of the kitchen to greet us, and we hug them both tightly. When Mom pulls away from me she looks me up and down. "I was so worried about you," she moans, "are you sure you're okay? You should sit down. Lie down, even, I made up the bed in your room."
I laugh. "I'm okay, Mom, seriously, that's why they let me come home."
She keeps insisting that I at least sit down until Benji cuts her off. "He's alright, Mom, trust me, I've been around him for weeks, fussing over him like this."
She reluctantly agrees to leaving me alone, but clucks her tongue as she continues to eye me. "They haven't been feeding you, have they? Come and get something to eat."
I look at Benji and he rolls his eyes. I shrug, I'm kinda hungry anyway. "Sure, why not?"
I have to smile to myself as I take a seat at the kitchen table and Mom offers me a list of different foods a mile long. I'm home, and I'm happy. Home truly is where the heart is.
It's a hot summer's night, so I've left my window open. I can't sleep, and it's not the heat that's keeping me awake - it's the noises. The crunching of leaves outside my bedroom window sounds so much like someone's footsteps, and it's freaking me out. These days, I mentally add on, and then chuckle at my own stupidity.
I get up and go to the window, and as soon as I get close enough, I swear I see a shadow dart around the corner, out of my sight. Then I pretty much start hyperventilating. Calm down, Joel, it can't be him.
But another part of me is screaming. It can be him, Joel! It's possible, isn't it? They said he left the country!
I hurriedly tug the window closed, and I shivver involuntarily. I climb back into bed and stay there for all of about ten seconds before I get up again and make my way to Benji's room.
He doesn't wake up when I enter the room, or even when I climb into the bed beside him, but when I cuddle up to him, my stomach against his back, he stirs. "What the hell? Joel?"
He rolls over to face me. He's always grumpy when he wakes up. "Sorry, I just can't sleep alone tonight. I heard noises. And then I looked out my window, and I'm pretty sure I saw someone. I thought..."
He sighs and wraps his arms around me as my words trail off into nothingness, and he presses his forehead against mine. "You thought it was Tony?"
My voice is only a whisper. "Yeah."
He chuckles and kisses my lips softly, and I can't help but smile as I kiss him back. "You're just imagining things."
I snuggle up to him and sigh. "Maybe. But can I stay with you tonight?"
It's weird being in Benji's bed, I haven't spent a night in bed with him since the night Dad left, nearly ten years ago now. We didn't sleep that night, we just sat in each other's arms and held each other. I was crying, but I remember he wasn't. He was too angry to cry. "Of course you can," he murmurs, "but I'm really tired, so can I go back to sleep now?"
I grin. "Okay, I might let you."
He rolls onto his back, and I expect him to let go of me, but instead he pulls me so I'm half on top of him, my head resting on his bare chest. With my ear to his heart, I'm finally able to drift off into sleep.