Chapter 06 - Share With Me, 'Cause I Need it Right Now
We're at the airport later that day, and I can't help but notice that Benji is being far more attentive to Tony than usual. I guess he feels bad about what happened between us earlier, and he's trying to make it up to his boyfriend in his own weird way. He barely even glances, and when he does, his expression reeks of guilt and sin.
Of course, he isn't hanging all over Tony, either - he can't, airports tend to be very public places - but he's by his side all the time, speaking softly in his ear, and the asshole won't stop smiling. Except when he looks at me, anyway. As soon as he catches a fleeting glance of my face, his face is scrubbed clean of any cheerfulness. And so it should be, the bastard doesn't deserve to be happy. He especially doesn't deserve someone like Benji to make him happy.
I mostly watch my feet, scuffing them on the carpet, as we're ushered into security. This always takes ages, because of the number of piercings we all have between Good Charlotte and Mest. Benji takes the longest, though, and we always have to laugh. I mean, he's gotten pretty fast at taking them all out and putting them back in again, but it still takes at least 5 minutes for him alone. I don't feel like laughing today, though. I'm still so confused, I really have no clue what happened this morning. Did Benji kiss me because he was hurt? Because he knows I love him and I'll do anything to comfort him? Was it a spur of the moment thing, or does he feel the same way I do?
When we finally board the plane, I take a seat between Chris and Billy. They both look worriedly at me. Billy sucks on his lip ring for a moment before speaking softly, so the two lovers sitting in front of us can't hear. "Joel, what's the matter?"
I stare at my feet. Normally I'd be happy to tell Billy all my problems, but with Chris around I can't bring myself to do it. I mean, I love Chris and all, but I can't talk to him the way I talk with Billy. Besides, I don't wanna go into it with both parties involved sitting right there. It would be kind of a disaster if I started crying and they started asking what was wrong. "Nothing, Billy, I'm fine."
Neither of them believes me, but I don't care. I watch Benji cling to his boyfriend as the plane takes off, and when the seatbelt sign goes off I head straight for the bathroom. Sometimes a guy just needs a good cry. I close the door behind me and lock it, then I just sit down and put my head in my hands. I wish I could stay here forever, but I know I'm going to have to get off the plane in Brisbane. The tears slowly begin to leak out of my eyes, and that's when there's a knock on the door. "Just a minute," I sniffle.
My brother's muffled voice floats back to me. "Joel? It's me. Let me in, please?"
If anyone sees this, it's going to look really, really bad.
I decide I don't care, and I unlock the door. I have to stand up so he can squeeze in the tiny cubicle with me, and we're standing with his entire body pressed against mine. My voice comes out sounding wary and tired. "What do you want, Benj?"
"We have to talk, Joel."
He's so much stronger than me. How can he stand there and be so brave? I never could've approached him. I guess he knew that. "I know we do. But is this really the best place?"
He shakes his head. "No, but I'm gonna tell Steve to put you and I together when he's sorting hotel rooms. I'll get him to put Tony with Matt, and I'll tell him they must've mixed it up or something."
I nod, and he smiles. "Okay. So I'll talk to you tonight."
He awkwardly manages to unlock the door behind him, slipping out, and I sit back down, my tears now dried. I'm happy, 'cause at the very least, I'll have my brother back tonight. Admittedly, I wish I had more, but I'll be content with what I can get at the moment - it's better than him completely ignoring me.
I fidget as Steve reads the room lists, and I can feel Tony's glare burning into the back of my head. "...Benji and Joel, and that just leaves Tony and Matt."
"What the fuck?" Tony blurts out, obviously more than a teensy bit annoyed.
Matt nudges him. "Hey, you remember the last time we shared a room, and I farted and the whole room reeked for the rest of our stay?"
I turn and glance at him, and sure enough, his icy eyes are boring into mine. He probably thinks it was my idea, that I asked Steve to change it so I could stop Tony from hurting my brother. It would have been a stroke of genius if it had been my idea, but it was far more convenient this way. Benji looks as if he feels pretty horrible about doing this to his lover, but when Tony looks to him for support, he just shrugs. "Must've been some mistake. Sorry Tones."
All our rooms are on the same floor, so we head up together, jumping up and down in the elevator to make it shake. We always do this, and one time we were on Warped with New Found Glory, and it stopped in between floors. We'd been stuck there, cramped together, for nearly an hour before the technician came and got us unstuck. It's definitely a cherished memory, and I always think about it when we're messing around in a new hotel.
When we get to our floor, Tony leans in to kiss my brother, but he pushes him away. "Security cameras," he mutters, and the blonde nods stiffly, biting down on his lip, before heading to his room with his cousin.
I open the door to our room, and my twin follows me in, dumping his bags on the larger of the two beds. "Mine!"
He grins at me, and I can't help but smile. This reminds me of the way it used to be, before he and Tony were together, and before I started feeling... differently about him. I walk over and dump my luggage on the same bed. "You'll have to fight me for it," I challenge him, flexing my bicep.
He laughs and kicks off his shoes - hey, at least he's polite - before jumping on the bed, taking up a defensive stance. "Come and get it, pretty boy!"
I kick my shoes off and leap onto the bed, shoving him the chest with my shoulder. He sniggers, unmoving. "I'm afraid I've got a bit of weight on you."
His hands grip my waist and he lifts me up with a grunt, tossing me over his shoulder. "Hey!"
We both laugh as I pretend to pound on his back. "Put me dooooown," I whine, and he drops me on the smaller of the beds.
"I think I win."
He turns away from me, and I leap to my feet and tackle him onto the bigger bed, pinning him down. He tries to squirm free, but only succeeds in rolling over onto his back to face me. I sit on his legs and hold his arms down, and he pouts, his piercings sticking out. It's so, so tempting to kiss him right now. "No fair, you caught me unawares."
I shrug and release his arms. "That was kinda the idea."
He smirks. "I still get the bed. I called it. And I beat you before you started cheating."
I nod and go to climb off him, giving up, but he places his hands on my waist and holds me there. My heart skips a beat. Don't do this to me, Benji, I think to myself, don't you dare give yourself to me and then take it away again.
"I love you, Joel."
I swallow and my voice sounds raspy as I reply. "I love you too, Benj."
He sits up, still holding me in his lap, so we're just about eye level. He just stares at me for the longest time, and I stare back into his identical eyes, able to read everything he's thinking. He's reading my own eyes, too. He wants to kiss me, and he knows I want to kiss him. He lifts one of his hands and it brushes gently against my cheek, and then his lips are on mine, caressing them so softly, so carefully. Almost immediately my lips push harder against his, turning the soft, loving kiss into an urgent, desperate expression of passion.
I groan into his mouth as his hands start working at my belt, and I push him back on the bed, and he responds with an identical sound before forcing his tongue into my mouth so he can eagerly explore it. He's managed to pull my pants down now, and I kick them off and begin grinding into him as his arms wrap around my waist.
I hear the key in the lock, but I don't really think about what it means, and neither does he. "Good news, Benj, I got the rooms..."
We pull away from each other in a flash, staring up at the intruder in shock. Tony. Oh, God. Of all people, it had to be Tony. His hands are balled into fists and he's just standing in the doorway, glaring at us. He's going to kill me. He looks angry enough to kill me, that's for fucking sure. He grits his teeth for a moment, then a hiss escapes his mouth. "What the fuck is going on here?"
Neither of us respond. I look at Benji, and he stares back at me wearing an identical expression of shock and guilt. We don't know what to do, what to say, there's no way we can explain this. I look back at Tony, and he starts shaking with anger. I know he's going to explode pretty soon, the way he's exploded before when he and Benji were alone. He lets out a strangled cry. "You little slut!"
Then he lunges at my brother, arms outstretched, going for his throat.