Chapter 04 - He's Only looking to Score
I can't sleep.
Sleeping tends to be kinda hard when you can hear the man you love moaning someone else's name - rather loudly - in the next room. I try to figure out the last time I had sex, but it's too depressing. After I realized how deep my feelings for Benji truly ran, I tried to get over it by picking up groupies all the time. I always backed out. I knew that as soon as we got to the point in which he/she expected me to perform, Benji's face would pop into my head and I wouldn't be able to go through with it.
And that was more than a year ago now. "Oh my God," Billy whines, "can you believe they're still at it?"
Benji does seem to have incredible longevity. I just wish I could take advantage of that, rather than the stupid blonde who doesn't love him. Mister Hawt-Punk-Rawker. "Don't remind me," I spit bitterly, and he winces.
"Sorry. I had a momentary lapse of concentration. It happens when I'm being kept up all night."
I bang a couple of times on the wall, and I hear Benji laugh, then moan louder, just to spite me. He has no idea how much he's hurting me right now. I'm sure if he did know he'd be quieter, he's always tried to protect me. I sit up and look at Billy, rubbing my eyes. "Feel like ordering room service?"
He nods and I pick up the phone, ordering that something with a lot of sugar be delivered to my room, stat. Funny thing is, when I make a demand, it usually happens. And fast. Being a celebrity has its perks. Unfortunately, Benji and Tony don't seem willing to obey my demands right now - although it would seem that Benji is obeying his lover's.
I need to sleep.
When I wake up in the morning after three hours sleep, it's 'cause Benji is murmuring my name. I keep my head buried in my pillow, talking into it. "God dammit, Benj, first you keep me up all night, now this?"
His voice is shaky. "Joely."
Uh-oh. He used my pet name. Something is very wrong. I lift my head and look at him through blurry eyes, and I can see he's crying. Billy stirs in the other bed and looks at the two of us for a moment, figuring out an escape plan. "I'm gonna go take a shower."
I turn my attention back to my brother, who lays down beside me on the large bed, sniffling. I pull him into my arms and he sobs into my chest. "What happened, Benji?"
We lie like that for a long time before he has enough control to speak through his tears. When he does speak, it's between hiccups, and it sounds as if someone's been at his throat with a chainsaw. "Nothing happened."
I sigh and rub his back, and I kiss his forehead. I haven't done that before. He doesn't seem to notice or mind though. "Then what's the matter?"
"I just woke up next to Tony this morning and..."
He trails off and starts to sob again, his whole body wretching in my arms as he does. I hold him as still as I can, trying to soothe him with words of comfort. "Sshh, it's okay, Benj. It's okay."
It's pretty fucking obvious that it's not okay, but this seems to help a little. He opens his mouth again, and whispers so quietly I'm not even sure if I'm hearing it right. "He hits me, Joel."
My whole body stiffens as my strong suspicions are confirmed. That bastard. That fucking rat bastard. "He hits you?"
"Yes."
"I knew it."
He looks astounded. He looks up at me, tears brimming his eyes, threatening to fall just as the others did, mouth agape. "For how long?"
I shrug. "Just since yesterday."
He nods and just stares into my eyes. I have an overwhelming urge to kiss him right now, kiss away his tears and show him that everything's gonna be alright, 'cause Joely will always be here, and Joely will always love him even when Tony-boy is off with his latest little slut. I don't need to take the initiative, though, because his lips are on mine before I can even think about it.
It's just a short, sharp kiss that could easily be dismissed as brotherly. I barely have time to kiss him back at all, and then he's pulled away again, lowering his ear to my chest. I feel dizzy, I feel sick, but I feel fucking good. Of course, I know that kiss didn't mean anything, but it doesn't change the fact that for one brief moment in time, my life was the epitome of perfection. "Why do you stay with him?"
His voice becomes shaky again as he answers. Don't cry. "I love him."
"But he doesn't love you."
He lifts his head, and as I look down at him, I realize I've said the wrong thing. His surprised expression quickly turns dark and brooding, and he struggles away from me and jumps off the bed, heading for the door. "He does love me," he cries out, voice cracking, "you're just jealous!"
"Benji, wa-"
The door slams, and I swear to myself that I will protect my brother from that asshole no matter what. I won't let Tony hurt my brother again. It's time I gave Lovato the "protective twin talk".
And he'd better fucking listen.