As they walked into the village, Xena realized how right Iolaus had been. She tried to look subservient to Iolaus and walk a few paces behind him; however, she had one too many pinches to deal with, and her foot slammed down on a scruffy looking character without thinking. He grabbed her by the wrist and nearly tried to twist it off. Just as she was about to make him into baklava, Xena felt rather than saw Iolaus' hand on the wrist of the other man. Grabbing the creep's elbow, Iolaus managed to get him to release her and almost snap his arm in two. "You will not touch my merchandise! Do you understand, scum?" Iolaus asked with an edge in his voice that startled Xena. She'd never seen this side of Iolaus... dark, hardened, and a bit dangerous, and she had to admit the dark side inside her found it thrilling. She smiled as the jerk backed away cowering under the hunter's steely glare.
They quickly walked away and turned the corner. Leaning flat against the building in the alley, Iolaus put his hand over his heart and cut his eyes to Xena. "Are you okay? Tartarus, Xena, look at your wrist," he said as he gently took it in his hands. It was beginning to show huge purpling bruises. "I don't think it's broken, but what are we going to do to hide this?"
"Hmm, Iolaus, maybe we shouldn't hide it. It certainly would go a long way to show my slave status," she said with a grin. She winced as she closed her fist. "Of course, this could be a problem if we run into trouble while trying to get her out of there. I suppose I can use my other. By the way, nice moves back there...I really didn't know you were an evil warlord in your past."
Iolaus laughed and shrugged, "Not warlord, try common criminal. It's all in the attitude; though I must tell you that I was scared to death that you were going to skin him with that pin holding on your veil. Really, Xena, I think we ought to wrap it or something."
"Thanks Iolaus, but it's only bruised. Come on, let's get going," she said. He nodded and made his way through the alley with Xena in tow. They followed the alley until it opened into the sleazier district of the city. The largest building was the Pleasure Palace, and they walked up slowly to the entrance. Iolaus put his arm around the Warrior Princess in a most possessive way. At first, Xena felt very strange at the closeness, but then she focused on the task at hand. Lowering her eyes, she took on that submissive stance and became the dancing girl.
They walked into the Palace with some ease and sat down at the table in the corner. Iolaus scanned the room to find Thyducean, but he was having little luck finding him. Xena, on the other hand, had no trouble in finding what she was looking for. The guards at the top of the stairs reinforced her thought that Clarissa was up there. "I'm going up there, " she whispered.
"No! Not yet...stay right here," he mumbled to her.
She cut her eyes to him and said,"What?"
"We'll be having company in a moment, and you need to be right here for our plan to work. Well, hello, Shamiaus. It's been a long time," he growled. Xena snapped to attention as Iolaus had that same dangerous tone again. She picked up her glass and looked seductively over the rim.
Shamiaus scowled at Iolaus and barely registered the look from the young woman. "What are you doing here?"
"Shamiaus, you're not happy to see me? Come on, I need to see Thyducean on business...tell him I'm here with a proposal," Iolaus grinned as he laid a proprietary hand on Xena's arm.
"Aren't you supposed to be chasing around Greece doing heroic things? You and Hercules, that is," remarked the criminal. He was too smart to accept Iolaus at first glance, and Shamiaus looked almost subconsciously at the top of the stairs before turning back to the table. The woman with this hero looked vaguely familiar, but the man was too distracted by her teasing the top of the goblet with her tongue to think clearly. He was brought back to reality by Iolaus' voice.
"I used to do that...until I wised up. Look, Herc and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye anymore. I don't think he ever really got over that Dahak scam. Anyway, we had a parting of the ways, and so I'm here with Katiana. I'm sure Thyducean would want to meet with us on this very profitable scam...unless of course, Thyducean isn't into profit anymore," Iolaus could see the doubt swimming in the other man's eyes. However, he could also see the way he was looking at Xena. 'Pig!' he thought. He experienced an irrational feeling to protect the Warrior Princess, as if she ever needed protecting. And yet it was there. He looked back over to her and saw the look she was feeding the idiot and cleared his throat. "Not him, honey. He's not worthy of your gifts. So, get Thyducean, or move out of the way so I can go to Crimeana; I'm sure she and the House of Pleasure will see the profitability of this venture."
As soon as he'd mentioned Crimeana, Shamiaus bit his lower lip. No one was as cold and calculating as Thyducean's main competitor, and so the thug began rethinking bringing this to his boss' attention. "Okay, you can talk to him, but I'm not sure he'll have anything to say to you."
Iolaus breathed a sigh of relief as the man walked from the table. Xena looked at him and winked, "See, I told you that you could do this. It won't be as difficult as I thought getting her out of here." Xena stood and started to move toward the stairs. Iolaus reached out, grabbed her arm, and pulled her back down. Xena winced slightly, and Iolaus flinched remembering her injury. "It's okay, Iolaus, but next time just tell me to sit down," she said through veiled eyes.
Iolaus was glad that she remembered her slave demeanor, but he was nervous about her impulsiveness. "Look, Xena, we really haven't made it that far yet. You can't just go charging up the stairs with those goons guarding her. Yeah, we have to get up there to make sure she's still here."
"I think the idiot brigade up there is proof enough that she's still here," Xena shrugged.
"Sure, yeah, Xena, but Thyducean doesn't surround himself with complete idiots. At least one of those three will have some kind of brain, and you can't just run up there like you're looking for the facilities," he explained.
"Wait! I have an idea. Trust me? No, wait, don't answer that. Hey, I'll be subtle. Come with me," she said as she grabbed his hand. She moved up the stairs giving him the most sultry looks he'd seen in awhile. They made it to the top of the stairs without attracting too much attention, but when one of the guards started toward them, Xena backed into a wall and pulled Iolaus to her, "Kiss me!"
"Huh?"
"Kiss me, and make it look like it was your idea!" she whispered desperately.
Without trying to analyze this last task, Iolaus swooped down on her mouth. At first, the kiss was a bit forceful, but as the guard stopped to look at the two, it softened and began to take on a life of its own. They were completely, obliviously, and torridly lost in each other. Xena barely was breathing let alone thinking when Iolaus cut off the kiss and turned toward the guard. "We were looking for a ...little more private place; do you have a room or at least a storage closet we could use?" he asked breathlessly.
The leering guard practically shoved them into a closet and laughed as he stalked off. Iolaus found his stomach punched, and as he looked incredulously at Xena, he struggled to find his breath. "Hey! What was that for? You said to kiss you."
"Yeah, but not...I mean we...Iolaus, that was...nevermind. Now we're stuffed in a closet and we can't get close to Clarissa," she said changing the subject.
"Think again, Xena. Look at this." Iolaus knelt in the small closet and stuck his finger in a hole in the wall. "Xena, is that Clarissa in there?" he asked peeking through the hole. Xena stooped and peered in herself. She shot back up and nearly clubbed Iolaus under the chin.
"That's her, Iolaus! She's Clarissa! How are we supposed to get in there?" she asked searching the wall.
"Xena! This panel lifts out. Quick, let's get in there and get her out," ordered Iolaus. He was getting pretty excited that they wouldn't have to go through with the original plan when Xena threw a damper on it.
"Iolaus, we can't just dance out of here with her. You and I might make it out, but she's sure to be killed. No, we have to go through with the original plan. But I've got to get to her and let her know all is not lost. Iolaus, you stay in here and make the guard think we're....busy. I'll go in and try to reassure her that we're here for her," the Warrior Princess replied. She almost had the latches on the panel removed when Iolaus grabbed her shoulders.
"What do you mean act like we're busy. Surely you don't mean for me to...to....to become vocal?! I mean, Xena...it's a bit embarrassing. Why don't I go in and reassure her, and you make the noises?" He asked desperately with a grin.
"Really, Iolaus. Think about it; after all, she's bound to be afraid of men at the moment, and face it, Friend, you're more vocal than I am. We both know...nevermind. Just try and make sure they don't think anything else is going on other than what they THINK is going on," she muttered as she slipped through the panel.
"Great! Just great!" Iolaus clamped his mouth shut as he realized the guards were probably listening at the door. "Yeah...oh yeah, Katiana, that's great.....yes...yesssssss," he moaned leaning against the door with his ankle's crossed and his arms folded across his chest.
Xena rolled her eyes as she walked quietly into the room. She saw the young girl and thought that she looked more like she was 10 rather than 13. Xena came to the conclusion that it was Clarissa's victim's stance that made her look like a small child. Clarissa was dressed in a worn blue robe that was obviously too big for her. Her brilliant red hair was tangled and knotted from the struggle she must have been through. She crouched in the corner with the edges of the robe clasped tightly in her hands. "I'm not going to hurt you, Clarissa. Your mother sent me, and I have a friend just beyond that panel that's going to help me get you out of here." Just then, the two heard Iolaus moan loudly and start bumping against the walls. "Really, he's a good man even though he sounds a bit...strange at the moment."
"You'll take me with you now?" whimpered the trembling child. Xena slowly made her way to the girl and threw her arms around her. "Please, I'm scared," she said with huge tears running down her red cheeks.
"Clarissa, we can't take you out of here yet. They'll kill you, and I'm not about to let that happen. Iolaus and I have a plan, and once we put that plan into place you'll be out of here as quick as you can say alpha beta," she said with a slight grin.
"Iolaus? My father told me about a hero named Iolaus once. He traveled with Hercules, and my father said...," Clarissa's face darkened as she mentioned her father. Xena wrapped her arms around her tighter and listened to the girl regain her composure, " my father said that he was the bravest man he ever knew, but he said Iolaus was dead."
Xena smiled and whispered, "Thank the gods that part isn't true. That is Iolaus in there making all those.... sounds, and you can bet your last dinar that he's very much alive. We'll save you, Clarissa."
She heard Iolaus practically scream, "Katiana! Will you hurry up?! You're killing me!" Xena almost fell over at the message she was being sent dotted with moans and groans.
"I have to go now, but I promise we won't leave without you," she said confidently. Clarissa nodded as Xena pulled away and exited through the panel.
As she stood up, she almost fell back again at the sight of Iolaus thrashing about. "YESSSSSSS, Finally!" the hunter yelled out. Then they both collapsed in giggles as they considered just what THAT sounded like. "Is she all right? I mean they didn't..," the worried man whispered.
"She's fine, Iolaus. We just need to move a little more quickly than I originally anticipated. She's on the verge of a huge breakdown, the poor kid. By the way, your performance sure had me unnerved. What were you thinking? Wait! Don't answer that. Come here, Iolaus," she ordered.
Iolaus just stood there for a moment glaring at her, "And just what are you planning?"
"Well, here," she said as she ran both hands through his hair completely messing it up. "Now you look like you were doing what you sounded like you were doing.. How do I look?"
"Um, actually, not bad...Ouch! Hey, if you're going to ask a question like that, you've got to expect an honest answer. But if you're asking if you look convincing, I think I can help you out." Iolaus fluffed out her hair and with a grin that annoyed the Tartarus out of Xena, Iolaus slid the strap off her shoulder and slightly unhitched some of her veils. "Okay, now you look....yeah, you do. Now I know you're having a hard time keeping your hands off me, but you'll just have to get a grip, Xena...This isn't the time or the place to go rolling down memory lane."
Xena gave him a look that would have wilted anyone else, but at his wink, she seemed to have thawed. "I have got to get a grip here," she thought. Just then, Iolaus threw the door open, and she practically flew out of the closet. "Did I please you, Master?" she asked for the guards' benefit. Xena stopped dead in her tracks while she was straightening out her clothes in an exaggerated manner.
"Yes, Slave, that will do for now. Now, gentlemen, can you tell me where I can find a leg of mutton and a tall glass of ale? And none of that local stuff...I'd like some of that dark ale from Eire that I know your boss is so fond of," said Iolaus with a bit of a swagger.
"Men!" moaned Xena through her clenched teeth. Seeing the guards attention thrown back her way she shrugged, grinned, and let out a small sigh. "Iolaus....if we weren't on a mission.," she grimaced in her mind.
Hercules sat at a table in the far corner, and felt himself lucky that the proprietor was set on giving him privacy. Oh, the occasional well-wisher would approach him, but the demigod decided that they somehow saw how exhausted he was and backed away. He sat at the table and listened to the stories being relayed at the bar. Hercules found himself grinning and shaking his head when he or Iolaus would be mentioned in a story. Through the crowd he heard a familiar voice and sat up straight. Although he really didn't want the bard to see him in that ridiculous chiton, Hercules had to admit that he was a little lonely. His solitude brought back uncomfortable memories of when Iolaus was in the Light. So, he was actually delighted to see the strawberry blond at the bar recounting their adventure with Prometheus. He caught her attention and waved. He laughed as she barely finished the story and almost cartwheeled off the counter to get to him. She bounced over to him and reached out for a hug.
Instantly, Gabrielle backed off and scrunched up her nose. "Hercules, it's so good to see you, but um...you know you really should have cleaned up a bit before coming in here."
"Actually, Gabrielle, I did. I even used a new fragrant oil..Wait!" Hercules sniffed the air for the first time and became aware of that odor again. He quickly lifted his biceps to his nose and proceeded to turn green. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe this! Why didn't anyone tell me?! I smell like...like.."
The air was suddenly filled with a sweet perfumed incense and pink sparkles. Dite appeared with a delicate veil shielding her nose and mouth, and she was waving her incense in circles around Hercules. "Oh, Bro! Went all out on the sheep pheromones, didn't ya? Hey, stop that look, or I'll pop out of here with the antidote...it should take you about...oh, a month for the smell to wear off. Now, you can lose the attitude and get your clothes back and your normally masculine scent, or wander all over Greece showing your hiney and smelling like a ewe in heat," Dite scowled. "I am so not in the mood for this. Now that Warrior Babe is gonna really be mad at me, and who knows what Sweetcheeks will think. Ooops!"
Aphrodite tried to leave the building, but Hercules was too quick, and he grabbed her by the wrist. "You will tell me what's going on, and you will tell me NOW! I stink, look ridiculous, and I've spent days chasing crazy demon possessed sheep. I know who that demon is now, and I'm not about to let you pop in, drop that bomb, and then pop out. Sit, get my clothes, and get rid of my...odor!"
Dite sat down with a pout and waved her hand. Hercules frowned when he realized he was still in the chiton. "I thought I told you.."
"Hey, chill out! You should notice that you don't smell so ripe at the moment. As for your clothes, well, I stashed them in a cave nearby, and you'll just have to get it the old fashioned way. Now are you happy?" she said in a snit.
"Um Hercules?" Gabrielle interrupted.
"Not now, Gabrielle," Hercules whispered. "What's going on with Xena and Iolaus? You know about..well, their history. Have you done something to rekindle the flames, so to speak? Because if you have."
"Hercules.."
"In a minute, I'm a little busy right now.
"HERCULES!" she insisted.
"What?!" he asked in frustration.
"Well, I don't know how to put this delicately, but if you're going to wear a chiton that short, you've got to learn not to sit that way. I mean, you no longer have any secrets from me, if you know what I mean." The bard saw no recognition in his face and looked pleadingly to Dite.
"Bro, bard chick here is trying to tell you that you're showing off the family jewels. Close your legs, you look like YOU should be working in the Pleasure Palace instead of Iolaus and Xena. Ooopsie. Check ya later Herc!" and she popped out before he could grab her.
"Pleasure Palace? Xena and Iolaus, what are you two thinking!" he cried out loud. When all chatter stopped in the tavern because of his voice, Hercules looked back down to his sitting position, and quickly closed his legs with and embarrassed grin. "Come on, Gabrielle, let's get my clothes and take care of this chiton business before finding those two. I'm sure once I've got my clothes back, Dite will supply what we need to know."
"Hercules, a Pleasure Palace? What possessed Iolaus and Xena to go without taking us with them!" she sighed.
"Gabrielle!!!! First of all don't use the word 'possessed' and 'Iolaus' in the same breath" Hercules gasped. "Secondly, I can't believe you WANT to get inside a Pleasure Palace.
"No, it's not like I wanted to see a Pleasure Palace...though, I've never really been on the inside of one, and I'm sure the women there have wonderful stories to share," she said in a preoccupied fashion. The bard was already writing a very sensual introduction to this story. "Hmm. What? Okay, so I'm curious. But whatever the reason, they must have thought it would be dangerous to have come up with a plot like this with Aphrodite. Do you know where this cave is?"
"Yeah, there's really only one cave on the outskirts of Thrace. I have a feeling we'd better hurry," Hercules got up and rushed to the door, but not before his chiton flipped up.
Gabrielle chuckled as a word popped in her mind "Sweetcheeks."
"No, Dearie, only one man is called 'Sweetcheeks'; still that view ain't exactly chopped mutton either. Look, I figured I'd better tag along to keep an eye on Big Bro," mumbled Aphrodite as she appeared next to the young bard. "Warrior chick was afraid of you guys bumbling in on this one."
Gabrielle noticed that Hercules never even turned around as she and Aphrodite followed behind him. "Bumbling? Bumbling?! I don't bumble! Just wait until Warrior Chick gets a piece of my mind...sending me off to some bogus competition, and you! You were tormenting that poor man up there with sheep, and.." Gabrielle muttered indignantly. Suddenly she stopped talking and started giggling. "I'm sorry, Hercules! But you've got to admit this is pretty funny."
"Yeah, you should see the poor Rams all along the countryside, hopelessly in love with Herc!"
Hercules turned and glared at them both. "First of all, Aphrodite, I'm not talking to you. Secondly, Gabrielle, as funny as this seems, you might remember it could have been you she did this to. Now let me go into this cave and get my clothes on."
Dite and Gabrielle heard shouting deep in the cave and a poor dumb animal bleating. Hercules emerged absolutely furious. "A mountain goat? Dite! A mountain goat?! I thought you did away with the pheromones? Do you have any idea in that warped mind of yours how hard it is to knock out a mountain goat?" he shouted
"Sorry, Bro, must have just been a natural attraction. Stand still, and I'll give ya the unzappy snappy." With a slight snap of her fingers, Dite completely removed any trace of the pheromones.
Hercules smiled as he finally felt somewhat normal again. Then he turned to the women and said, "We'd better hurry. There's no telling what they've gotten themselves into."
Iolaus plopped back down in the chair at their table and continued to scan the room. Xena followed and just stared at him. "I can't believe you said that. 'It will do for now?!' Iolaus...you could have atleast bragged about my performance," she said very quietly.
"Xena, I was rolling around in a closet making noises that made ME blush. I believe I had the outstanding performance," he muttered looking away.
"Oh, yeah," Xena whispered. She tried to hide her smirk, but the visual image of what they'd just done was trying to overwhelm her. She suddenly remembered her place in this bizarre act and lowered her eyes.
"Keep it up. Here comes our chance...Shamiaus," he said slightly under his breath. He straightened up and forced down the dark ale. He knew they were in if he got a tankard full of Thyducean's private stock, and he was even surprised at the speed in which they brought his food and drink. "I really must have impressed them," he thought as a lopsided grin returned. He looked over at Xena and nodded in the thug's direction.
Xena stole a sideways glance at the creep; then, she lowered her eyes completely again.
"Well, Iolaus, looks like Thyducean will see you, but he's taken a few precautions to make sure this isn't some kind of trick," he spat out.
"Shamiaus! I'm wounded to my very soul to think you would think I would do something like that," Iolaus gasped in mock surprise. "Just tell me what Thyducean wants me to do to prove myself."
"He wants to meet with you to make sure you're who you say you are. I tried to tell him you looked just like the fool who left the gang to join the academy, but he wants to test you," he grinned wickedly.
Iolaus stood up and said, "Okay, where do we go?"
"We don't go anywhere. He only wants to see you right now; this little cupcake will stay here at the table with me and my little blade." Shamiaus drew out a dangerously sharp dagger and held it to Xena's neck. "One move against Thyducean, and I have orders to slit her pretty little throat."
Iolaus laid his hand on his own dagger suspended from his belt, but Xena told him with one look that she'd be okay. He nodded but said, "If you lay a hand on her, I promise you that your death will be an achingly slow hideous one." Then he marched off in the direction Shamiaus indicated. "Breathe, Iolaus...breathe. Regardless of what the stories say, he's just a man...a very sick perverse one, but he's still just the two- dinar thug you knew as a kid." He walked into the room and stared intently at the figure in the shadows.
The voice croaked out the cryptic message, "Zeus is the white bull in the pasture..."
Iolaus continued, "Hide all the milkmaids."
The huge guard standing next to Iolaus clapped him on the shoulder and ordered everyone out. The pasty little man in the shadows left quickly without really looking up. "It's you?!" Iolaus declared with guarded eyes.
"Yeah, I had to be sure. Somehow, I've made an enemy or two along the way. What? You really didn't recognize me?" the burly man laughed. "I changed a few things along the way growing up. Seems I had my growing spurt after you left the gang. Funny, I went from your size to bigger than Hercules in just a couple of years. Looks like you went from your size to....well, your size. What do you want, Iolaus?"
