"More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, that is true perversion." -Harvey Milk
"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and I don't know were the hell she is. -Ellen DeGeneres
"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for- in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it." -Ellen DeGeneres
"So, I bought a new cd and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers. I mean plastic and then tape and the tape is like government tape. It says "Open Here". Is that sarcasm? And I buy batteries that are in there with layers of cardboard and then scissors. You need scissors to get into scissors. What if you were buying them for the first time? You wouldn't be able to get them open. Then you try and buy a light bulb and it's this thin THIN cardboard. What are they thinking? "Ohh, they'll be fine." -Ellen DeGeneres
"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short. That's cute. I taught her that." -Ellen Degeneres
"I'm insecure about everything, because... I'm never going to look in the mirror and see this blonde, blue-eyed girl. That's my idea of what I'd like to look like." -Cher
"If you're black in this country, if you are a woman in this country, if you are any minority in this country at all, what could possibly possess you to vote Republican?" -Cher
"Words are like weapons; they wound sometimes." -Cher
"Stop at a drug store, buy a condom, and put it over your head. If you act like a d*ck, you might as well dress like one." -Rosie O'Donnell
"I hope people realize that there is a brain underneath the hair and a heart underneath the boobs." -Dolly Parton
"I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out." -Dolly Parton
"I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know that I'm not blonde." -Dolly Parton
"If you talk bad about country music, it's like saying bad things about my momma. Them's fightin' words."
-Dolly Parton
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?" -Robin Williams
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." -Mark Twain
Me: "Who ate the rest of the ice cream?"
Dad: *holding empty ice cream container* "I think your mom did."
Laura: "Stephanie, here's a list of things that mean the most to me: God, Band, School, Josh, and whatever else."
Me: "Gee, I wonder where I fall."
Amber: "HIGGLE. It's my new word. It's a mix between giggle and hehe."
Me: "What about Gegege?"
Amber:"Umm what?"
Mom: "Where's Tripp?"
Me: "Oh, he's in the living room eating some kind of plastic plant thing."
Mom: *walks in the living room* "MY FLOWERS!"
Me: "So what movie did they go see in theaters?"
Dad: "I think it was The Land Before Nemo."
"After having surgery and having my breast removed the doctor told me how sorry he was. I just told him that the only problem was the ending of my Playboy career." -Nanny
"Call room service and request a comb. That's what they're for, isn't it?" -Amanda L.
Me: "Dad, I want you to try this new gum. It's really great."
Dad: *while eating jelly beans* My teeth are too sensitive, maybe next time."
Me: "Someone needs to feed the cats."
Dad: "I JUST fed them yesterday."
Me: *opens fridge* "Moooom, I made some jello yesterday and it still hasn't jelloed..."
Mom: "Did you boil the water?"
Me: "Dad told me that I didn't have to."
Mom: "He also told you that chocolate milk came from chocolate cows."
