Canadian Woman Given 30 days to Get Her Ass Out of Town
TORONTO -- A 34 year old Morrisville woman has been served official notice today that she has 30 days to comply with municipal by-law 438 to get her ass out of town.
The whole thing started with, of all things, a charge of solicitation. Undercover investigators approached Sue Pollington after it was rumoured that she was overheard offering to sell shares in her donkey. She was later charged with attempting to sell a piece of ass.
When asked about the case Mrs. Pollington dismissed the incident as a private joke between friends. However now the public spotlight has turned towards her ass and it may not be as easy to dismiss the county's concerns.
They are as follows:
� Loud and unusual sounds coming from her ass.
� A disturbing odor emanating from her ass's location.
� Worries of her ass running around town.
When asked about these concerns, Mrs. Pollington replied, "Excuse me, but I keep my ass very clean. It's true it's a hairy ass, but I brush it daily! And as for unusual noises, It's an ass -- all asses make noise, some more than others. I don't find it offensive, indeed many of the old farmers have stopped to tell me how much they enjoy it!"
As far as her ass being seen around town, Mrs. Pollington admits that it had been caught in Mr. Johnson's back yard. It apparently trampled some flowers in the garden. Mrs. Pollington confided to me how embare-assed she was over the incident. "I felt awful about the whole thing, and I know my ass did too. I had to drag my sorry ass all the way home."
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Local residents are rallying to support Mrs. Pollington's ass. Indeed several times a day people stop by on their daily walks and ask if they can pet her ass. Mrs. Pollington is always quick to accommodate. "People love my ass," she says warmly, "I get compliments on it all the time. Why shouldn't people kiss my ass if they want to? It loves the attention."
Indeed her ass seems to be very comfortable, sitting in the heart of the village as it does, but Mrs. Pollington is worried about how it is taking all the negative attention. "My ass was a lot happier last week", she says with a slight frown, "before the everyone started picking at it".
At this point in our conversation Mrs. Pollington became angry stating, "If they want my ass out of town, they had better come prepared to haul my ass out. We're not leaving without a fight!�
At the moment the county seems determined to remove her ass from town and has given her a 30-day ultimatum. Mrs. Pollington is planning on having her ass gelded on Monday, at that time she is hoping the county's determination will be reduced to a half- assed attempt. Right now they are going at it whole-assed though.
As we left Mrs. Pollington and her ass, one of her several barn cats wandered over. Scooping it up into her arms, she asked me with a tear in her eye, "If we allow them to chase my ass out of town, how soon before they start going after my pussy?"
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