Top 10 Ways to
force her to break up with you
So,
your relationship has lost its appeal and you want out. Now you're
mulling over when and how to tell her it's over. You know some women can
overreact and plunge into a crying frenzy that can last for weeks.
One
sure way to avoid this is by getting her to dump you instead. If you
want the easy way out of a relationship, here are 10 sneaky things you
can do to get her to do the dirty work for you.
Know
your territory
A word to the wise: Before trying any of the tips below, it is strongly
recommended that you gauge your soon-to-be ex's personality and work
with it accordingly. You have to know what makes her tick and how she
reacts to it. Some of these tips can have the opposite effect on a woman
who, for example, likes to "work things out" and treats
dysfunctions as personal projects.
Play
your cards right and you'll be secretly smiling very soon when she says,
"We need to talk."
Number 10
Hang with her girl friends
Most women are highly competitive when it comes to men. Get her
girlfriends involved and it spells real trouble; start spending more
time with them; go to their houses and bring them gifts; watch movies
together; and so on. Then tell your girlfriend you find them attractive.
Better yet, compliment her friends in ways you never complimented her.
As
reinforcement, you can look at other women in her presence. Make it
obvious by really turning your head when a pretty lady passes. Then
mention how hot she is.
Number 9
Let yourself go
Stop caring about your appearance for a while. Become a slob by not
shaving, combing your hair or changing your clothes for a few days.
Also, dismiss proper etiquette when around her. Burp and fart to your
heart's content, and don't excuse yourself. Pick your nose and wipe it
on your shirt. When you go out with her, wear that same shirt.
This
will tell her that you no longer care to keep yourself attractive for
her. She'll likely be embarrassed to be seen with you and call it quits.
Number 8
Be a bad date
If your woman is the type that likes to go out a lot, don't take her out
anymore. Stay at home and watch sports or play video games. For an extra
kick, make dates with her but don't show up. Hang out with your friends
instead.
You
can also become a cheapskate. Don't spend money on her, or buy her
little gifts. If you go out, ask her to foot the bill every time. When
your lady sees that she's no longer worth your time and income, she'll
get the idea pretty quick.
Be
a pushover, propose a threesome, yell at her for leaving the toilet seat
down, and tell her you need to talk…
Number 7
Become what women "want"
Here's a nice exercise in observing feminine nature. Suddenly become a
"nice guy." Be the sensitive,
caring man women are always longing for. But this time, overdo it.
Always tell her you love her, say, 10 times a day. Pick her up at work
and stay glued to her. Become a pushover and always do as she says,
speaking to her in a cute baby voice.
If
you can do it, cry. Share your "feelings" with her, making up
exaggerated yet believable sentiments. Call her every 20 minutes. In
essence, stifle her space with your mushy, intolerable lack of
masculinity. She'll be desperate for a real man in no time.
Number 6
Bring out the kink
Sex is a critical part of many relationships, so sabotage it. Be
entirely selfish in bed. Don't wait for her to climax, and don't cuddle
with her when you do. Simply have sex with her, get dressed, and
evacuate the premises.
A
good technique is to ask her to indulge your sexual fantasies. Propose a
threesome with another chick. The closer she is to your girlfriend, the
better. However, watch out for the George Costanza effect, where she
might actually take you up on it. Better yet, "reveal" a
perverse sexual taste, like dressing up in drag or receiving golden
showers. This new side of you will certainly make her wonder if you're
the one.
Number 5
Pick stupid fights
Find trivial things that she does and complain about them. A lot. Start
a bitter argument over why she left the toilet seat down. Place a fork
in place of the spoons in your kitchen and accuse her of messing up your
living space. Be sure to find fault in the things she takes pride in,
like her cooking or her political views. Tell her she's wrong about
everything.
And
if she ever complains about your attitude, tell her she should quit
nagging. For an extra touch, plug your ears and sing like a third
grader.
Number 4
Start the "talk"
When women are the ones doing the dumping, they mask their actions with
long-winded explanations. They feel that couching the break-up between
lots of words somehow softens the blow. Do the same to her. Beat around
the bush to the extreme. Say things like, "I'm not sure where this
relationship is going," or "I've been thinking about our
mutual pursuit of happiness." When she asks you why, answer with
more ambiguity. She'll get sick of it eventually.
For
a quicker variation, tell her you need a break, or that you think you
should see other people. Since these are things women normally say in
breakups, she might seize the initiative from you and close the deal
herself.
Compare
her to your mother, tell her she's fat, and cheat on her...
Number 3
Compare her to your mother
There's nothing that turns women off more than a mama's boy. That said,
talk about your mother all the time. Quote her, reminisce about her, and
consider what your mom would think about every action you contemplate.
You can even compare your girlfriend to your mother, saying,
"That's not what my mom would do." Do the same using
ex-girlfriends and you have the ideal recipe.
Number 2
Utter the f-word
If you're the type who loves to risk the loss of life and limb, take a
shot at her appearance. That's right: tell her she's fat. Don't even
wait for her to ask you. Mention it casually like you're talking about
the weather. Don't be too blunt, but not too subtle either. Things like,
"You've gained quite a few pounds, huh?" or "Have we been
snacking between meals a bit?" work fine.
Number 1
Cheat on her
This is the real coup-de-grâce ; the end-all and be-all of
relationships. Get it on with a woman and make sure your girlfriend
finds out. It can be at a party or a bar where her friends happen to be.
For a real thrill, bring a woman over and time it so your girlfriend
comes home to catch you in the act. Then just for fun, deny everything.
No happy ending
Breaking
up is hard to do, and sometimes a man just needs a shortcut out. If
you don't want to do the deed, and have the patience to slowly wear your
girlfriend out, this is what you have to do.
Pat
yourself on the back if you manage to get her to do the breaking up, but
with a heavy heart, believing you're the one having your heart broken.
Oh,
and if you want to keep a woman and keep her happy, be sure to do the
opposite of these 10 tips.
Article
Suggested By: Gus V., Chicago, IL
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