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Just
for Laughs...
----o0o----
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other bathroom stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom, but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed:
"Doin' just fine!"
And the other person said:
"So, what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At this point, I was thinking this was too bizarre, so I said:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
At this point I was just trying to get out as fast as I could, when I heard another question.
"Can I come over?"
Okay, this question was just too weird for me, but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I told the person:
"No... I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I heard the person say nervously:
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!"
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CIA Recruits
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair, Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes,take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the instruction to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Moral: Women are evil. Don't mess with them... ----Grabe naman!!! J pero may nagsabi nga, evil or angels, don’t mess with them! Hehe…
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French
A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House" in French, is feminine -"la maison," "Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.
So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your
pay cheque on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine
("le computer") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.
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E-Mail
A man left Chicago’s snowy streets in order to enjoy a holiday in sunny Florida.
His wife who was on a business trip planned to join him and meet up with him in Miami, on the following day.
After spending the whole day on the beach, the man arrived at the Hotel, which had coconut trees and served tropical cocktails in the bar.
He decided to send an e-mail to his wife, in order to put her in the mood and tell of all the wonderful features.
He couldn’t find the note he’d made of her e-mail address, so worked from memory, and sent his e-mail to [email protected] in the hope that it would reach its destination. It wasn’t that important if she received or not.
However, fate took a hand, it went to the wrong e-mail address, and arrived at the inbox of a Protestant Parson’s wife, whose husband had passed away the day before.
During the night, the Parson’s wife opened her e-mail in order to see the condolence messages that had been sent to her.
When she saw the message, she gave a cry … tried to stand up, but fell down … dead from a heart attack, before she hit the floor.
Relatives who heard her cry ran to the room, but having determined that she was dead, they read the message:
“My dear wife, I have just arrived. The journey was long but it was worth it. Everything is so beautiful here !!! The trees, the gardens, the parties. Even though I’ve only been here a few hours I feel at home already. Now I’m going to rest for a while, but I just wanted to let you know that I have spoken to some of the people here, and they are all looking forward to your arrival tomorrow. I am certain that you will love this place.
Your dear husband.”
P.S. Prepare yourself, it’s HELL here.
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Super Drunkard?
Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building when the first man turns to the other and says: "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The second guy says, "What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen." "No, it's true," said the first man, let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
He met the second man, who looked quite astonished. "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke." "No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again just as he is hurling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window.
Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. "Well, what the hell," the second guy says, "it works, I'll try it!" He jumps over the balcony plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors... and hits the sidewalk with a "splat." Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker, saying "You know, Superman, you're a real a**hole when you're drunk."
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See this???
Bloody isn't it?
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