Funny Quotes!!! :-)

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"If at 1st u don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"As I said before, I never repeat myself."
"Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up."
"I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect."
Sign on baby's bib: "SPIT HAPPENS."
"There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't."
"There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!"
"I always lie. In fact, I'm lying to you right now!"
"Confusion: A hungry baby in a topless bar."
"The 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator!"
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep"
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked." (bumper sticker)
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards ??"
"I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out."
Famous last words--"What does this button do?"
Psychiatrist: So, why are you here?
Brain: Don't say revenge, don't say revenge.. DON'T say revenge!!
Me: Uhmmm.. revenge?
Brain: That's it, I'm outta here! (Thanks, Ras)

"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that." (Ellen DeGeneres)
"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better." (Ellen)
"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is." (Ellen)
"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot." (Ellen)
"Gosh!" (Napoleon Dynomite)
"Me, I'm dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for...'" (Captain Jack Sparrow)
"Give me liberty or... OOOooo... A jelly donut !" (Homer Simpson)

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." �LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' �Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
"There's an old saying in Tennessee � I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee � that says, fool me once, shame on � shame on you. Fool me � you can't get fooled again." �Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." �Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
"They misunderestimated me." �Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" �Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
"We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge." �George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 20, 2005
"I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the Mother in me." �George W. Bush, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005

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