i've been consumed with nagging thoughts which have rendered me rather mentally frantic these last few weeks. the feelings resulting from these thoughts are completely unjustified, and, having realized this much, only adds to the entropy. on occasion, i laugh in retrospect, loudly, desperately. why must you be so fickle? laughing boldly, insanely (er...sanely, who knows) at you, at me for ever having thought what we had, what i gave up, what you gave up, meant anything more than what it's become. i thought you were special, i thought (for some ridiculous reason) i was special. i thought you gave a shit about me...

but i see now that i really wasn't anything at all, and now i am just lost, vanishing, drowning in this sea of faces.