brandon lee
so after school i asked my sister to watch "the crow" with me. i've decided that brandon lee was incredibly beautiful. such a shame... my sister had left in the middle with her boyfriend, leaving me to watch it alone. eventually i fell asleep on the floor for nearly 3 hours. waking up around 7:15, i called christy at work. bored, i drove over to doylestown for a visit. she got off work at 10, and we drove to taco bell to get something to eat. i'd not realized how hungry i was. i hadn't eaten since the day before. we went back to her house to catch the end of girl, interrupted. great movie. angelina jolie is my girlfriend. around 11:30 i drove home, winter's too fucking cold for my liking.
i got home and locked myself in my room. i put on delerium's "silence," sung by another of my girlfriends, sarah mclachlan. i stared in the mirror at myself for a while and realized how much i've changed in the last few months. i started to cry, not recognizing myself and realizing i'll never be able to change the ugliness that stares back at me. frustrated, i lied down and stared up at the ceiling. i wanted a razor. i sat for nearly 1/2 hour with a razor to my arm, contemplating whether or not i should apply pressure. i chickened out. that's an improvement, i suppose. the idea of soaking my sheets in blood tonight didn't necessarily appeal to me. i blew out my candle and went to sleep.